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Mar 2024 · 131
Whole
Birdie Mar 2024
My life is full
As is my heart
My soul is settled
Nothing is halved
I am whole
I am me
I have nothing
I don’t need
My world is mine
And I am too
The things I’ve found
Can’t be taken by you
Mar 2024 · 129
I love it
Birdie Mar 2024
I love the empty roads
Past midnight driving
Home from your house
I love my stinging eyes
Your cologne in my hair
And my aching bones
I love pretending you love
Me half as much
As I love you
I love everything about
You and me
And me
And also you
Mar 2024 · 103
Older
Birdie Mar 2024
I’m getting older,
My face moves differently now.
The babies I held
Are children with lives.
Years have flown, and I’m not sure how.
I always assumed I’d not last long,
I’d be dead and gone by now.
So I didn’t make realistic plans,
I didn’t think of how.
Now I find myself closing in,
On 30 years of life.
I’ve no idea where I should be,
A traveller? A wife?
More numb than ever, flatter than flat.
I never thought I’d be someone like that.
I have a good life,
But the good won’t reach me.
I’m learning my lessons,
But nobody can teach me.
My pain has built walls,
Which keep out the bad.
So recently nothing is
All that I have.
Mar 2024 · 112
Nobody loves her
Birdie Mar 2024
Nobody loves me
She said
She’s so loved
By family and friends
She’s grateful
But she’s lonely
She’s lost
Nobody loves her
She knows
Not how she needs them to
Mar 2024 · 150
Excruciating
Birdie Mar 2024
You are excruciating
You really hurt my soul
Now I always need you
To feel like I am whole
You are so impossible
Don’t want me then you do
Nothing can convince me
To ever stop with you
Everything you say
Like knives that twist and cut
But darling you could **** me
It would never be enough
Never enough to stop me
Never enough to prove
For even if you hated me
I know I’d still love you
Feb 2024 · 130
My first spring
Birdie Feb 2024
I came to be in a hot, hot summer
I lived my childhood
In a warm September
My teenage years were a drizzly autumn
My early 20’s, foreboding November
The last two years were my first winter
Fraught, bitter and pitch dark.
Now I am in spring
The first spring of my life
Love and success blossom
And kiss my cheeks
Like unfolding flower petals
And I have all of this summer to look forward to
Feb 2024 · 167
Part of the world
Birdie Feb 2024
Today I am part of the world
Sea salt crystallises in my veins
Sunlight sparkles in my eyes when I smile
Tree bark grows on my knees
And elbows
An autumn breeze drifts from
My mouth when I speak
I am a seashell underfoot
I am a January sunset
I’m a star
I’m full
Feb 2024 · 211
I miss me
Birdie Feb 2024
I miss the versions of myself,
That I've since packed away.
I miss the little girl,
Who played in her mind all day.
I miss the teenage rebel,
Who had no clue who to be.
I miss the young woman,
Who paved the way for me.
I miss the strength I had,
To face danger with a smile.
I miss the girl who used to run,
And appreciate each mile.
I miss the girl who loved herself,
When she had wider thighs.
The girl who without needles,
Looked fine in her own eyes.
I miss the me who made believe,
The me with endless hope.
I miss the me who slept and loved,
Inside my childhood home.
I miss myself but maybe
It’s all part of growing up.
Changing and transforming
Into me’s for me to love.
Feb 2024 · 205
Sailor
Birdie Feb 2024
Ocean, sea, water I love,
Hold up his head,
Keep him above
Your swell, your waves, your deepest
Depths,
Sail him on back to within
My bredth.
Make it go fast,
But keep it slow,
Slow enough that he stays far
From below.
Water I love, ocean, sea
Bring my sailor back to me.
A little poem about someone I care for who is sailing away for a little while
Feb 2024 · 95
Heaven is
Birdie Feb 2024
Heaven is an Italian restaurant
The one from the Billy Joel song
You wait for me there with a glass of wine
And we’ll have a long conversation again
Heaven is the sunlight streaming in rays
Through the clouds over the sea
When the sky wears her grey jumper
Just out of reach to me for now
But I can swim in the reflections
And remind you that I don’t need reminding
Heaven is wherever you are
And wherever I’ll end up
For my Grandad, who I see everywhere
Jan 2024 · 157
Small
Birdie Jan 2024
So small
I’m so small
So so small
That’s the only thing
Making me big enough
To be strong enough  
To be
Jan 2024 · 120
ADHD 3
Birdie Jan 2024
Attention
My span is short
Fickle and false
I barely even have a pulse
Deficit
Of all of use
Of anything that’s not obtuse
Hyperactivity
In my brain
In my movements
I’ll never change
Disorder
That’s how they describe
My silly little broken mind
Jan 2024 · 97
Lists
Birdie Jan 2024
I make lists
Throughout the week
Each night before
I go to sleep
Monday is usually blue
Tuesday green
And Wednesday too
Thursday can be blue or red
Fridays purple
In my head
Saturday is a happy yellow
Sundays beige, calm and mellow
I make my lists
To get me through
So I remember what to do
No idea why I wrote this, but here’s a little insight into my life!
Jan 2024 · 106
I’d love to say
Birdie Jan 2024
I’d love to say
I’ve no idea
But unfortunately
I’ve many
I’d love to say
I’ve plenty of cash
These days
I’ve barely any
I’d love to say
I’ve grown up strong
But really
I’ve grown small
I’d love to say I’m worth it
But it seems I’m not at all
Another outpouring of utter nonsense
Jan 2024 · 332
Seasonal depression
Birdie Jan 2024
It’s a chasm of nothingness
A gaping void that doubles in on itself
Like how I imagine a black hole would
I’m in it and I am it
Can’t see into it or out of it
It makes me heavy like a wet towel
Thick and slow like dripping tarmac
It is pain and it is anaesthesia
Feeling nothing and everything
Dragging myself through days and weeks
With proverbial broken ankles
Stumbling into potholes and falling
Flat on my face
Over and over again
Till the sun comes back
Just me being a drama queen about how much I really don’t like the winter
Jan 2024 · 381
Internal monologue
Birdie Jan 2024
‘Are you okay?’
Said the brain to the heart.
The heart screamed ‘NO’
Back up at the brain,
The brain rolled its eyes to itself
and said to the heart
‘get a grip’
Jan 2024 · 144
Sea and free
Birdie Jan 2024
I could be at the lowest depths
The most sunken death
But when I see the sea
That’s when I’m free
Jan 2024 · 263
Desolate
Birdie Jan 2024
I’d prefer devastation
To this desolation
I’d rather feel it all
Than to feel this empty
No tears left, no screams
Just the fakest smile that
Gets me through the day
Till I’m home
And I’m blank
Jan 2024 · 715
Poetic love affair
Birdie Jan 2024
I want the love notes
The candle lit bath times
I want running in the rain
Laughing in the middle of arguments
I want the wild poetic love affair
The movie scene whirlwind
I want dinners gone cold
Because we were too busy talking
Missing the train, running out of petrol
Never caring because we’re together
I want to love so much it’s almost hate
Care so much I almost don’t
Then I want to slow down
To sit in the garden in matching chairs
Drinking lemonade and swapping smiles
I want to giggle over grey hairs
Cry together as all our friends die
Then hold hands as one of us does
Maybe one day I’ll get it
Jan 2024 · 168
Awake till 2
Birdie Jan 2024
I lie in bed
awake till 2,
Every night
To honour you.
I wrap myself in
Tears and wine,
To take away all my
Spare time.
I tell myself that
I’m okay,
Listen to Muna
Stayaway.
But I can’t breathe without
Your breath,
Without your depths I have
No depth.
I’m hollow and I’m filled
With pain,
Couldn’t bare to
Love again.  
I lie in bed
Awake till 2,
That’s all that I know
How to do.
Is it a break up if you were never together?
Birdie Jan 2024
One first date (it was all it took)
Two bonfires (maybe three)
Three break ups (so far)
Four bad ideas (or were they all?)
Five hot tub dips (sounds about right)
Six lawnmower rides (that was new)
Seven heartbreaks (a day)
Eight other girls (probably)
Nine sleepless nights (a week)
Ten months…
…no..more…
Seventeen months
(But I never was good at counting).
Jan 2024 · 156
Nothing was missed
Birdie Jan 2024
I miss you
   Said nothing
            To nobody
                 Then no one
         Said nothing
    And nothing
Was missed
Jan 2024 · 437
Love hates me
Birdie Jan 2024
I really do love love,
But love does not love me.
I love his hands upon my skin,
Though bruised my skin will be.
I love his kisses on my head,
Without them I’m as good as dead.
I love love though it breaks me,
So why does love just hate me?
Birdie Jan 2024
My cognitive
           dissonance
Won’t make any
           difference
Because his
           effervescence
Rotted all of my
           essence
His self assured
           ambience
Expired my
           relevance
And no impotent,
           ignorance
Can unbalance this
           turbulence
I was inspired to write this one because there’s a song I like called cognitive dissonance and I wanted to see how many ‘ce’ words I could find to describe how I feel.
Jan 2024 · 94
Heartbreaker
Birdie Jan 2024
If the only way to avoid heartbreak
Is to become the breaker
Then consider me the devil my love
For I will break whatever I please
To avoid you
Jan 2024 · 550
Biting off my finger
Birdie Jan 2024
I have heard
A very strange fact.
You could bite off your finger,
If your brain allowed the act.
Letting go of you
Is a similar feat.
I have to stop loving you,
But my mind admits defeat.
I would stay away
If I could fathom the pain.
But science prevents me,
Because of my brain.
Dec 2023 · 276
Freedom and loneliness
Birdie Dec 2023
Freedom and loneliness
Sundown’s sickened sisters
Twilight’s troubled twins
Midnight’s melancholy muses
I can never tell them apart
And therein lies their beauty
Dec 2023 · 2.2k
Love spell
Birdie Dec 2023
With my hips I sign my name
Into your pleasure,
Deeply,
Slow.
I cast my spell into your breath
And watch you fall
Below.
You’re sinking into me whether you
Like it, or you
Don’t.
Admit your love, succumb to me
My love, don’t sink
Just float.
A true story
Dec 2023 · 148
Choose me
Birdie Dec 2023
They say that women,
Search for love and choose the right one.
But men just take whoever is
In front of them when they’re ready.
So if I never leave,
If I’m always in front of you,
Maybe when you’re ready,
You’ll choose me.
Nov 2023 · 293
Backwards
Birdie Nov 2023
Serenity won’t sit comfortably
Peace won’t be palatable
Calm isn’t comprehensible
Sleep never quite settles
Chaos is collaborative
Complication celebrates me
Sadness sits in my favourite chair
I am backwards but I am trying to turn
Nov 2023 · 454
Siren song
Birdie Nov 2023
If I lure myself to a watery end
Does that make me the siren
Or the sailor
Am I another victim of the myth
Or am I mythical
The strong or sorry swimmer
If I fill my lungs with salt and foam
Will a song arise
Or a final fateful splutter
Sink or swim
Breathe or falter
Nov 2023 · 1.6k
Reading to music
Birdie Nov 2023
Soft lyrics billow from the next room,
Wrapping their syllables around my body.  
Drenching my skin in warm, buttery tunes.
Floating behind the words on the page,
As I watch the stories unfurl from my book.
Sometimes I forget that I’m reading,
I can see everything as clearly as the island
From my beach on a still July morning.
My eyes stop seeing and my fingers
no longer turn the pages,
I am part of the tale.
Engulfed by the stark poetry of being alive.
A passive, invisible witness to the lives of the characters,
As they run across my mind and live onwards in my imagination.
A little outpouring of how it feels to be lost in a good book with some relaxing music playing in another room
Nov 2023 · 991
Thick silence
Birdie Nov 2023
Silence like treacle
Dripping on my ear drums
Drumming sweet beats that
Match my slowing breath
Thicker than blood and
More rancid than bile
Sitting on my forehead
And telling me to sleep
Someone say a word in this
Congealing quiet night
Make shapes with your mouth
And speak directly to my soul
I have no idea what this is actually about, enjoy
Oct 2023 · 1.1k
My Teddy
Birdie Oct 2023
It’s been a year now since I held your life.
Over a year since I saw you leave me.
Over 12 months since I let you go,
I wish I hadn’t.
I wish I’d kept you close,
Given you some dignity and
A real place to rest.
My numb shock sent you out to sea.
I have a space within me where you were,
A space that I can’t fill for now.
But I will hold your name in my heart,
Till I can make you a family.
Living souls to cling to,
Heartbeats to meet you at the shore.
And say…
’Hello Teddy, we never forgot you’
A very personal write, this one is dedicated to my angel. The little life I didn’t know existed until it was gone 🤍
Oct 2023 · 714
Pretend, pretend, pretend
Birdie Oct 2023
If you don’t love me
But you care if I live or die
PRETEND, Pretend, pretend
Make me believe you’re mine
Oct 2023 · 133
God help me
Birdie Oct 2023
God if there is such a thing
Then save me from this man
God if you are listening
Help him love me if he can
God if you made me, help me
Help me to relieve my pain
God if he feels nothing, show me
Reveal if love is feigned
God tell me you can do something
God teach me to let go
God keep me calm and soft
God help my heart go slow
Oct 2023 · 160
Cheap
Birdie Oct 2023
You cant make your worth known
To those who would steal it
By giving a freebie to any who feel it
Your soul is expensive as is your mind too
So to cheapen your time is to cheapen you
Oct 2023 · 1.9k
I belong to the sea
Birdie Oct 2023
I belong to the far reaching sea,
I will have nothing if it will not have me.
I am born of the froth, and the waves marching strong.
I will die with the salt, and the fish all in throngs.
I have only one truth that I know to be true,
The ocean won’t falter when fickle men do.
Of all of the things I think myself to be,
Of just one I am sure,
I belong to the sea.
Oct 2023 · 177
Familial gratitude
Birdie Oct 2023
I’m overwhelmed with gratitude
I am loved  
I love
I care and am cared for
I help and I am helped
This love is all the love I will ever need
I am they
And they are me
Oct 2023 · 170
Dopamine
Birdie Oct 2023
You’re the drug no one  forced me to take,
Warming my brain,
Numbing my pain.
Your sweet, soft remedy used to last weeks,
Now my hours are long,
And I’m singing our song.
These days I can’t feel if it isn’t with you,
Catching my breath,
Sad little death.
My pleasure was short lived but now it is gone,
With truth I broke trust,
Now it’s over for us.
Oct 2023 · 172
Grey
Birdie Oct 2023
I love the colour grey
In an October sky
In the evening sea
In a clouded, misted moonlight
I love to wear grey
I love it’s simplicity
It’s like a cool embrace
After a dip in cold water
I love the colour grey
I love how it warms my soul
Oct 2023 · 240
Twisted root
Birdie Oct 2023
I am a twisted root
Bent in broken directions
So that now
The sweetness can’t get to my leaves
And my tree is dying
Sep 2023 · 676
Goodbye
Birdie Sep 2023
Goodbye to my broken man,
Your healing is not mine.
Goodbye to my happy drug,
I bet one day I’ll be fine.
Sep 2023 · 135
Pretend
Birdie Sep 2023
Her: could you pretend to love me?
Maybe just for a few hours?
You don’t have to give up other girls or ever buy me flowers.
Could you just let me sleep and maybe hold me for a while?
You wouldn’t have to feel it,
You don’t even have to smile.
Just maybe let me feel like I am safe and play pretend.
Tell me I’m your favourite and it doesn’t have to end.
Would you mind just doing some of that?
Just sometimes, not all day.
Would you mind it if I pretend with you?
Would you hate it if I stay?
Him: …
Sep 2023 · 536
Rain and paper
Birdie Sep 2023
Time waster,
Wine taster.
Covert lover,
Losing cover.
Rude creator,
Crude spectator.
Secret liar,
Limping sigher.
Companion seeker,
Slowly cheaper.
You and I are,
Rain and paper.
A little list about how it feels to be the one falling in love with the one who will never love back
Sep 2023 · 745
I hate you
Birdie Sep 2023
I hate you so much
Because I love your stupid face
I hate it when you text me
Because I wait for it all day
I hate it when you lie
But I’ll still come back for more
I hate that we have fun
Because I wish you made me bored
I hate you in the morning
When I wake up from my dreams
I hate that you’re in every one
I can’t escape it seems
I hate you in the evening
When your face keeps me awake
And I hate you with each and every
Single breath I take.
But I actually love him though
Sep 2023 · 123
Head and heart (in detail)
Birdie Sep 2023
Midnight,
Mid July,
Even 22 degrees at night,
A full moon illuminates my home ,
Beams silver white on the Solent,
Hot and drunk from the lambrini I drank from a plastic cup,
Pebble pushed footsteps crunching my air force 1’s into periglacial river gravel,
cockle shells and swell softened glass dented by my progress.
St Moriz medium dark tan mingling with the scent of the black Schwarzkopf cloaking my mousey brown roots.
A warm breeze tangling my lash extensions.
The night is at peace with itself,
I am disguised as someone else.
Juxtaposing each other like two parts of myself I could mention.
Birdie Sep 2023
If I ever die at the side of the eastern road,
Where the broken bumpers and crisp packets collect,
Where the snow is shovelled into grey slush streams,
Please don’t buy the garish posie from the petrol station,
Don’t buy my memory a card factory teddy bear,
Leave the cards’ platitudes and poems on the shelves at Clinton’s,
Leave the lamp posts and road signs alone,
Pack up your sympathy, take it all home to your mums house.
Remember me as the girl that made you laugh,
Unpack your tears if you have them and give them to your pillow,
Give them to Facebook if you must, or give them to your friends.
I promise I’d do the same for you,
Unless you’d rather be remembered by straggling tinsel clinging to a lamp post by one piece of damp, desperate sellotape.
By wilting white roses dropping sad brown petals onto chewing gum tainted tarmac.
Unless you’d like to be known as the man whose name is scrawled in biro inside of a cheap card blutacked onto the sign for the Havant bypass.
In which case I’ll drag my sympathy to Clinton’s, to card factory and my closest petrol station.
I’ll say goodbye to the tune of sirens and rattling sainsburys lorries.
Then cry alone each time I drive past your withering memorial and try to remember to clean it up next week.
Sep 2023 · 127
Delusion
Birdie Sep 2023
I must have a backwards heart,
Or at least a broken brain.
You told me you can’t love me,
But you’ll have to tell again.
You assure me with your words,
And then with careless actions too,
That falling for me is just something you will never do.
But still I can’t and won’t believe,
That you don’t feel like me.
You can’t tell me any other girl,
Visits you in your dreams.
If we are not in love then explain to me my dear,
Why our bodies fit together and your absence I can’t bear.
Convince me I’m the only one that feels so safe and whole.
Manipulate my mind as you’ve done to my heart and soul.
Insist that your hand wasn’t made to rest upon my thigh,
That it doesn’t mean a thing when your eyes knowingly meet mine.
You’ll have to put the work in to persuade me it’s not true.
Or I’m sorry but I have no choice,
I’ll just keep loving you.
It’s not unrequited exactly, but it’s certainly not reciprocated either.
Sep 2023 · 113
Sunday night
Birdie Sep 2023
Just twenty minutes
Laying on your sofa
My head on your chest
Your hand on my rib cage
Feeling your breath
Moving in my hair
Feels like a lifetime of love
And that’s why I can’t
Give you up
Just another silly poem about that idiot I’m in love with
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