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 Jun 2019 Nsmith15
She knows who she is
Maybe I was her first heartbreak
Girlfriend? No, best friend?
I thought so.
Only eight (and a half)
At recess I was alone
At lunch I was told to got to the bathrooms
It was as if all the crows had come
For their daily bread
I was their daily bread
I was being told about how I
had said awful things about the girl I didn't know
The ringleader was my 'best friend'
I didn't remember saying those things
I did remember about how last Summer
A bird had gotten stuck in the air vents
in the same bathroom
It's corpse sat there for months, rotting away
All of a sudden I envied the corpse
I felt my heart sitting next to belly button
The first of many times I would feel my heart break
Then it had been a fortnight
I waited outside her classroom every day after school
but the crows would always come and take her away
After a month it was the school disco
It smelled like sweaty plastic and adrenaline
We were avoiding each other
She knew she had lied and the crows attacked me
because of her little rumour
On the way to the disco her Mother
who I shared my mother's pasta recipe with
who braided my hair so many times
who painted my nails on my birthday
Yelled at my parents about their disgusting
eight year old (and a half)
while I sat there in the backseat and listened
Once again I envied the rotting bird
I saw her Mum at that disco
I felt my heart drop again,
by now I was used to the feeling

At the time I was so furious with her
for spreading those rumours
Now I pity her
I wonder what she must have been going through
In order to drive her only friend away
Maybe she also felt her first heartbreak that week
Maybe she envied the rotting bird corpse in the bathroom
Maybe she was just trying to distract the crows
waiting for their daily bread.
As summary my best friend spread nasty rumours about me and all my friends (the crows) left me and didn't believe me
I was then bullied at that school and ended up changing school the next year. I'm aware this is bad but the words kinda just spewed out of me and I couldn't stop them.
For some reason the image of the rotting bird has always stuck with me
and i remember so vividly having so much empathy for the poor thing
I've stared into the abyss
for so many years
it took refuge in my heart

My mind faces a battle that's timeless
its hard to face a foe
that looks out at you

from within
I'm trying to find the light again
 Jun 2019 Nsmith15
Ms L
 Jun 2019 Nsmith15
Ms L
She's not a mess.
Her universe is just in chaos.
But you see,
They've judge her,
Failed to see
What did they do to her.
 Jun 2019 Nsmith15
Dancing and twirling
Devilish thoughts
They taunt
They sing
And laugh an eerie song

I know every word
Every down beat and note
I sing a long every day

Catchy tunes
They get stuck in your head
Even when there is no physical sound
It repeats
And repeats
On and on

Like a chanting spell
Like a screaming cry
This suicide song
It won't let me die
We are the underground poets of the universe.

We write to ease our pain from our own shadow,

We clothe our flesh, feelings & emotions into written sins,

Mask our aspirations to repent,
Dreams may be unholy, yet it is the highest liberation.
                  Over generalized written statement,

feedback would be great! Thank you.
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