thinking, hoping, wondering.
for so long it was a question of
when life would begin to progress
forward - until now, when it is
happening.

am i ready? can i handle this?
for so long i'd only dreamed of
the mere possibility to the point
that, perhaps, i never believed
it would happen.

and now, here i sit. wondering.
everything i've been waiting for,
everything i've been working towards.
every day when i thought i couldn't go
on, every night when i didn't want to;
the dream was all that held me.

and now it is here. and i sit.
wondering.
am i ready?

i was lying with my head on your chest,
listening to your heartbeat,
when i was overwhelmed by sadness.

a sadness so deep i could feel it cutting
through me. a sadness so strong that i
felt like i was suffocating.

i balled a fist with your shirt, holding
tightly in case you slipped away; you,
the last thing that i have to keep me sane.

you would think that a friendship like
ours was indestructible.
you would think that friends as close
as we were would always
drift right back to each other.

i know that you weren't intending to
repair the rift between us,
but i'd been hoping - and you knew it.
you know me.

i was stupid, i was hoping.
but you've disappeared again,
and i feel like a fool.

slowly, i've noticed things
getting more and more difficult.
slowly, i've noticed the little
things become mountains.

slowly, i've begun to understand
that things are getting worse.
slowly, i've began to notice
that i'm getting worse.

i share my body,
i share my mind,
i don't have privacy
from the person inside.

she's a demon,
a ***** to the core,
she forces bad thoughts
and a whole lot more.

it's a a constant struggle,
it's always a fight,
sometimes i wish she'd go
but mostly at night.

i don't want her inside,
i just want to be free,
i'm tired of her ruining everything,
i just want to be me.