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I thought if I could swallow the stars
I’d be as beautiful as the evening sky
I tried one night    with fireflies
They burned my throat
Their legs striking at soft flesh
But my skin did not glow
No moon crawled from my eye sockets
I was left with corpses in my stomach
I soon learned I would only ever be
A cemetery
 Sep 2020 Noa Adler
Jada
When Mom found my antidepressants, she said  

in times like these, you need to call on Jesus,  

not a bottle of pills.  

So Ring Ring


Are you there God?

It's me Jada

Ring Ring  



"You've reached the voicemail of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Please leave a message at the beep."  



Father, I'm sorry to bother you, but you must have dropped the whole world from your hands because I feel it weighing down upon my shoulders pinning me down until I can no longer even hope that one day I will be able to move again.  

Are you there God?  

I don't see a single pair of footsteps in the sand, just the heavy tracks only a crawl could make.

You said you would be with me always, but I feel like I'm the only soul for light years, minus the light. Are you there God?

Wilderness has surrounded me for more than forty days and forty nights.  

I know you don't make mistakes, but this can't be right

I am a prisoner in my own body.  

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I know you meant it as a gift.  

Are you there God?  

I find myself wishing for home even when I'm safely tucked away in my bed.

Are you there God?  

Will you take me back?
 Apr 2020 Noa Adler
King Arthur
I’d cut open my ribs for you
Kidneys, bladder, stomach, bones, heart
Would all be my gifts to you, my prayers
Eat them, use them, break them, I don’t care
As long as you keep your hands in me
I’d be the worst sinner
Hell has ever seen
For you
 Apr 2020 Noa Adler
OmRh
My demons accompany me wherever I go
They follow my trail
They rejoice over my defeat
They kiss me goodnight
They whisper in my ear
In a language I can't quite decipher or grasp
So come take me anywhere but here
Take me to the land of uncensored dreams and long-forgotten memories
Come rekindle the fire within me
Come take me anywhere but here
For I desire nothing but a deep restful sleep
 Apr 2020 Noa Adler
Lee
fat
 Apr 2020 Noa Adler
Lee
fat
It’s so good
I don’t need it
It’s so bad
But I want it
Stomach burning
Pain
Do I have to live?
Can I live without it?
How can I be what I’m supposed to be without it
How can I be what I’m supposed to be with it
Eat
Don’t eat
Healthy
Fit
Loaded words.
 Jul 2019 Noa Adler
Shin
Anxieties
 Jul 2019 Noa Adler
Shin
I think you told a lie today
about the shadow on your mind.
I think you plan to die today,
and leave these follies far behind.

I wish you would write me a song,
and ink the truth within its verse.
Happy or sad, it's fine, so long
as this does not end in a hearse.
 Oct 2018 Noa Adler
Sam
there are two ways of love, this is how you learn the second:
you. are not. alone.

the first way of love is all you:                                                             ­         
you, when you learned how to make others laugh.
you, the girl who brings tissues and doesn't say a word.
you, the girl who promises you will never see me cry, and keeps it.
you, because you take 4 trains over 2, to get your friend home safe.
you, developing a mask to hide your damage, so you hurt no one else.


that's how you break - exhausted, at your limit, and alone                    
except - you're not.


the second way of love is more, them:
the way they catch you, somehow, when you fall.
how you stop flinching away from physical contact,
because you're used to it,  now, because now it's - safe.
all the many, many, I'm here(s), that take you by surprise.
how you infringe upon their space, and they welcome you in.
the first time anyone tells you to let me know when you get home and
the second. and the third. because people don't - didn't - care about you.

learning to love on a broken heart
means you expect everything to shatter in front of you.
means you're always paranoid, and always terrified.
means you always know to expect the worse.

but the second way of love,                                                            ­                
is the sort of way that gives back.            
makes you remember that thing called hope.
teaches you how to say I love you, in the first place.
teaches you, it goes both ways, teaches you, you. are not. alone.
(makes you believe it.)
A portal to another world,
glass so thick that I'm unsure I'll ever pass through.
There you dwell, constant and incredible,
so close to me,
so far from you.
This window, often changing,
goes with me on my journeys.
In size and shape it varies-
but you remain
steadfast,
insane,
beautiful.
Still, what I wouldn't give to pass through
that teasing threshold
and into your warm and waiting arms.
 Oct 2018 Noa Adler
She Writes
Tell me this!
How can you cage a bird
When you fell in love
Whilst watching it fly?
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