My heart was buried with you that day
I was left numb
Holding the weight of the emptiness
That space were you were not
That space where joy had left

I walked around on autopilot
A faint outline of me
Just visible on the surface
With a burning, crippling pit inside

I was beyond the muddy puddle
I was face down
At the bottom of the murky river
Cold
Stuck
Surrounded by darkness
Slowly sinking into the mud
With the weight of my tears
Like a fallen tree holding me down
I was not trying to get up
Because I had no strength to
No will power
No heart  
If I never came back up
I would only see you sooner
And that
Was the only comfort I could see

And then
You spoke to me
Clear as day
And you used that serious voice
Only used for serious things
And you said
And I will never forget
You said
“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare. There are good things to come.”
And like a bolt of lightening
Shot into my chest
I pushed my head out of the water
With a breath of life
And you offered me back the empty jar that was my heart

$12.83
And some change
That I’ve been waiting for
Shove it deep into my pocket
Next to letters scribbled
Un-alphabetically
On the back of a receipt
Letters destined for a screen
Hypocrisy
Two tacos and a tea
Cat food and Zoloft
All my favorite things
$11.29
Am I happy yet?
Am I happy yet?
Am I happy yet?

i should have invested time
into telling you
how much you meant to me
instead of
how much you did not

dear jade,

i think i’m going mad again.
it was raining the other night, a frightful storm. in my rush to get home, i thought i saw a shape on the floor and fell. it was only the street light reflecting off a puddle.

do you remember how hard i cried when we were last in school together? i was so much younger and i truly thought that was the deepest pool of my sadness. but i know now it isn’t.


love forever,

joanne

I know that I'm a peice of ****,  an thats ok I can handle it..
But the 1 thing that was keepin me here,  was the though that some1 cared..
now i see... that all the time I, spent chasing you was 1 big game
And thats ok it was fun 2 play... but now ive got a say good by to the fake embrace the pain...
Pleasee lord send me on my way, drop my body onto the floor... I have never fealt this way b4.. but I know it'll be a better world with out me wasting everybodys ****** time.
A tool is only worth. What it can do and I don't see What the point is in going a broken one 2 you....

Please just take me down a path of nothingness.. I relze that you've lost your sanity waiting on this kind of **** but i won't be around much longer now ...  please take my words 4 what there worth.. and remember that I was born a curse ... unwanted and probobly better offending it all so as a load i can fall from  somewhere that never end..losing myself in the darkness of my own sin

It’s a postcard relationship
Just a snapshot really
Recognisable as the place
doesn’t really truly look like it
Wasn’t quite what was promised
Never growing to that imperfect domestic familiarity
Remaining pristine never getting beaten battered edges
Not sealed by the mundane
No deeper than a veneer
It’s an image of where you have been
A marker but little else
Do you ever truly know the person?
Can you be known ?
It doesn’t work out

So you visit somewhere new
You flick through the gift shop
And spin the postcard rack
You pick the next card to send
Lovely time, lovely weather
The perfect image that never seems quite right
And move on

Rising through demolition
They scream for my submission
And I refuse to lose
My identity is me.
Not my "ideas."
Not my "beliefs."
But who you see before you
Is who I am.
And not one thing you do
Will take that away from me.