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 Mar 2019 Nicole
Matthew Vargas
Rising through demolition
They scream for my submission
And I refuse to lose
My identity is me.
Not my "ideas."
Not my "beliefs."
But who you see before you
Is who I am.
And not one thing you do
Will take that away from me.
 Mar 2019 Nicole
Renee Danielle
my head won't give me a hint.
a fog that no amount of light
can break through.
my eyes put on a veil
without knowing what to mourn.

a lock that never stops clicking.
a room that never stops spinning.

a small flame with a big impact.
a small flame that left everything charred.
in a dream you ask if I forgive you,
and my arms break out in black and blue.
 Mar 2019 Nicole
Renee Danielle
the air being pushed back into my lungs
wasn't a second chance
because I never had a first.
I was doomed from the start
- love with conditions.
safety with escape routes.

but this is a new beginning.
the epilogue was the prologue.
disaster is no longer my destiny.

a glimpse into the past is how I found
the people who are still rooting for me:
a small child with a rope around her neck.
a teenager with an apology written out.
a 19 year old with too much poison in her stomach.
they are counting on me to show them
living was the better of the two options.
they are counting on me to be the one adult
who doesn't let them down.

I have found a reason to live,
and it's to find something worth living for.
 Feb 2019 Nicole
lonleyflowerx
i started taking pictures of sunsets again. i drew in the sunsets on the days that were cold and grey and i just wanted to stay in bed and cry. i started drinking more water even on the days i felt like i was drowning in the memory of you. because this, this is how i will move on from you. i picked up books and read them and felt my mind travel somewhere new on the days i didn’t want to be in this world anymore because you weren’t in it with me. i smiled and laughed with complete strangers whenever i felt like looking for you in places you’ve never even been.  because in loneliness i’ve found we all have a choice; you had the choice to leave and now i have a choice to be happy. i’m trying i’m trying i’m trying. i’m trying to be happy again. because that is how i will move on from you.
 Feb 2019 Nicole
River Reed
See your life as being futile
And then death is no longer vile
No one knows what's to come
Might as well have some fun
And live life as if there's revival
 Sep 2018 Nicole
A
I want you to imagine fixing a watch, all the tiny little parts
And I want you to imagine fixing a watch with broken hands
An overly involved metaphor for the idea that you can’t fix someone else when you yourself are broken

I fell in love with this image of drugs and ***** and rock and roll
And the reckless way you lived your life despite the fragility
When I found myself broken I spent years picking up shards of glass and trying to put them back together
You swallowed yours with a bottle of whiskey and marched on

I think you’ve always seen me as someone who could fix you
I’ve never been able to do that
And that’s why you come back whenever you feel like killing yourself or you’ve finally decided that you want someone to come home to that doesn’t live inside a bottle

I’m still picking up glass
I wish I could love you enough to fix you
But I won’t ever be waiting for you at home
There’s too much glass
There’s not enough time

Even if I could find a way to go back and fix that watch I can’t use it to turn back time
We’re here right now
And my hands are broken
Everything is
 Sep 2018 Nicole
Spenser Bennett
I have nothing to say
I have nothing to say
No words to complain with
No complaints to give words to
I have no joy to be spoken
I have no wisdom to impart
I am a vessel half empty
I am a fish tank half full
There is nothing wrong now
And yet it doesn't feel right
Am I actually feeling anything
Am I happy
Am I sad
Am I lost in what I am
I have no passion
I have no goal
I can accomplish anything
I can accomplish nothing
These strings are ropes
Tie me down right
I am bound by conventions
That I was never told
Or at least never in a way
That could be understood
This is the future
Where everything is wrong
And everyone is right
And no one is listening
To the voice inside
Because their ears are filled
With screaming and fire
And hatred and selfishness
Even mine are burning
I am not immune
Welcome to hell
You had no choice in coming here
And by God we will guilt you
For even thinking of choosing
To take yourself out
And call you selfish
And bemoan your loss
And ask ourselves what we could have done
But we won't ask you
Before you make the choice
Because we don't care
We're rats
And this is our ghost ship
It might be sinking
It might be sunk
But ****** sure if you
Matter more than me
Or them or us or ideas or civility
We'll eat you alive
And then blame you
For not being strong enough
To hold back both the terror
And the flame
This place is empty
There's nothing good now
That is new
All we are is dancing
Shadows around the fire
No substance, no weight
 Jul 2018 Nicole
Call me bella
Cats
 Jul 2018 Nicole
Call me bella
I love cats,
They always tell the truth.
If they don’t love you
They won’t pretend.
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