I can't decide
what I am anymore
Happy? Sad?
Drifting
in the middle
My nose is above the surface
while my mouth keeps swallowing the waves
So that I'm almost drowning
Almost breathing.

It’s snowing,
It’s blowing,
The white snowdrift is growing,
So grab a mug
and we can glug
down cocoa ‘till the morning!

Hello, Cupid,
what are your plans for me this year?
I've been lucky for a while now,
but today might not be the same
This guy that I've been seeing,
well, we're not quite really dating?
And he told me last night
that he's not very lovey right now?
Sooooo
I guess today is a single girl's day...
But, hey!
There's still plenty of time
for a V-Day surprise:
roses at the door and Mylar balloons galore
A box of chocolate hearts and
A kiss for the Miss?
There's still an entire day,
so, Cupid, don't waste it away,
I really do love Valentine's Day.

I know that I am good,
that I am a lightly colored soul,

But sometimes I feel the darkness
welling up inside—
I force it onto myself
so that I don’t hurt anyone else.

Ah, being so far away from you
is hard, my love, it's hard, my love
And I'm not sure how I'm supposed to relax
when I'm constantly wondering about you
Are you okay?
But I'll be back home
before we know it
And I know you would want me to relax
So I'll try to relax,
but I'll keep you close in my thoughts;
Your silver heart hangs close to mine.

I want to bottle up your voice,
Wrap a red ribbon around the clear glass,
And tuck the bottle
Into a little hollow in my heart.

It seems inhuman
that I can be so calm
when we're suddenly "just friends"
and the last "I love you," is still echoing in my ears
but now that you're gone the hidden emotions crash into me
like that **** motorcycle

**I just want our future now.

I’ve been floating aimlessly
in a dark and icy sea,
waiting, just waiting,
for life to make something
out of me.

Sometimes I want to delete
the poems I wrote when I was
full of romance.
But that would be cruel,
to erase beautiful words
simply out of anger.
So I leave them where they are.

I don't
understand
myself
anymore.
I think
I'm blurry,
nothing
is
clear
right now.
I think
my color is
faded,
incorrect,
the wrong shade of me.
I think
I need
to
be
redefined,
made clear.
Can someone
clarify
me?

Distractions, distractions,
beautiful, shiny, noisy distractions
They flutter around my head
and their iridescent wings brush against my cheeks
My ears are smothered by the sound of their whispers
so I give up ignoring,
because the sound of their mindless singing
is much more beautiful
than a discussion of a king, his daughters, and an illegitimate son.

"...who are about to graduate in six weeks..."*

Six weeks.
Six weeks?!

How is it only six weeks
to the end of safety?

Am I really ready for
the real world?

No one can see
that I'm caught in between -
my body is in the present
while my soul is in the past.

the clouds, wisps
like spiderwebs,
hang delicately above
the sun's tangerine goodbye.

This app that tracks
how my brain is feeling
asks me what emotion
is sitting in my chest -
I wish there was an option for
multiple feelings,
or all of the above.

You're tearing me into pieces
in an attempt to save yourself
I hate it, I hate it
Just stop, please, stop
I see that you're happy
I get it, okay
Just stop, please stop
I can't bear this pain.*

And I love you still,
I love you still,
I love you always and I love you still,
but you're destroying me now that you're gone.

Look inside
the black holes
of his eyes
and find
a nightmare
meeting your gaze.

Look inside
past the crimson
of her lies
and find
a terrible tale
hiding just behind.

Look inside
beneath the flawless skin
that protects the beast within
and find
that cruelty is born
when kindness is not seen.

Look inside
Deep in my eyes
Made of starry skies
and find
that the shadows
are reflected there.

I am being asked to love again,
and my love is being questioned —
It makes me want to rip
my heart out,
smash it against the earth
And declare it dead.

Brown.
Mahogany brown.
Mahogany brown, with pieces of melted chocolate.
Mahogany brown with pieces of melted chocolate, never failing to melt my heart.

I gaze into your eyes, noticing how the clouded sunlight has lightened the color and made it easier to see
mahogany brown, with pieces of melted chocolate.

They are warm and smiling, because you are warm, and smiling up at me as I gaze into your eyes. Your smile leads me to notice your lips, which I love to kiss.

I love to kiss those lips, and I always feel my heart jump when I do. It skips a beat as I sink into your warmth, and I kiss you again because
I love to kiss those lips.

Soft strands, darkness streaked with light.
Soft strands, darkness streaked with light, always feel so soft against my fingertips.
I brush your hair away from your face with butterfly fingers, gentle.
You catch my fingers in your hand, weave your fingers through mine.
I never want to let go,
   never
             never
I never want to let go of you, and I press my lips against yours again. You hold me close, so close, and our souls touch.
I feel our souls touching, stretching feathery fingertips to clasp hands and hang on for dear life.
I gasp at the sensation, at the feeling of being
whole.
And I look into your eyes, full of love and warmth and passion and desire;
mahogany brown, with pieces of chocolate.

I f I wake before I die

Defy the pain of life's lie

Carve goodbyes into my skin

And scream to release the truth within

Lay me down six feet deep

Because I have no soul to keep

Let me wander lost forever

Until I vanish into the never

Wishing on an eyelash, on
a star, on
a candle
Wishing on fragility
A breakable thing, a
fly-away thing, a
blow-out thing
Wishing for a dream, a
promise, a
love
Wishing for for better things,
Impossible things,
fairy wings,
magic
Wishing is fragile,
breakable,
something to be lost,
Floating
Wishing is hoping,
and hope is
what saves us

If I could stop time, I would,
right here, right now,
and wander this cold,
starry night.
I’d sit on a ledge
and ponder the end
before walking away
because I remembered.
I’d dip a toe in chilly waves
and try to keep demons at bay
as they try to drown me.
I’d head back home
to be safe and warm,
and remember that I don’t have
a home,
just a house with strangers
sleeping inside;
I don’t know my own life
anymore.
I’d look at the clock,
stuck at half past the dark 3 —
sigh,
and let time slide its way
through my skin
to drown me in
sorrow, regret, and anxiety.

For months I have lived
in a house without a home,
surviving as a shell.

With you I find
a home again,
not a place,
but a person
filled with love.

And the smoke rises,
doing nothing to hide
the growing mob
The rising tide of chaotic fury
A wall of black,
of bulletproof vests and shields,
struggles to stay upright
against the furious wave
Anger, rolling through the streets
Broken windows, their only remains
are the crimson-soaked shards
Storm the stores, fight to steal
E V E R Y T H I N G
Fight for the right to scream
and be heard
T
e
a
r
gas
and regretful bullets
Pierce the rising cloud of smoke
Which does nothing to hide
the growing tide of rebellion.

Off
the top of my head
What can I write
off the top of my head?
Can I write a true, for-real poem?
Or just a bunch of nosense,
riddles from a gnome?
What can I create just by simple improvisation,
by simpling tossing words at a wall?
Will it be something to awe and inspire you all?
Will this poem simply crash and burn,
drag me behind it as it falls?
I don't know,
I will not know,
until I share this burst of improvisation
with the world.

Tell me now,
is it shining gold
or pitiful coal?

we live our days,
we glimpse one another,
our lives pass by quickly,
and that may feel like a bother.
breathe, and blink,
look around and listen,
live what's around you
while there's still time to glisten.

You don’t need a love poem
because I can speak freely
to you.

Flutter
butterfly, flying so far
wings glinting in the sunlight
oh, your wings, they shine so bright
they flutter, flutter, flutter
then suddenly stop
because my heart has stopped
because your kiss, your kiss
oh, the shock of your kiss
stop my heart, start it up again
i can’t breathe because you’ve stolen my breath
kiss me again, leave sparks on my lips
a fire, growing to consume us both
souls forever entwined.

You're in love with a brewing storm,
ready to burst into hot droplets
and scatter lightning in every direction,
unable to control the strikes.

On the river lies a school
Flooded with knowledge and pride
Wearing shades of violet and forest-green
On the rapids we will ride

James River, school of excellence
We wear our blue ribbon proudly
Like the river, we flow on
Nothing will break our bonds

Diversity is not a shame
We will find friends for all
Together, strong and unstoppable
We are two thousand growing minds

James River, school of excellence
We wear our blue ribbon proudly
Like the river, we flow on
Nothing will break our bonds

Nobody knows



Sad

Hateful

Angry

Terrible

Torn

Empty

Ripped apart

Eviscerated

Dying



How I feel

What is this, this sudden craving?
for you, love, for you
I've never felt anything quite like this
What is this, this burning desire?
for you, love, for you
Well, it's lucky that you are already mine
*if you weren't I just might be chasing you

With no rhyme or reason
I suddenly feel
furious and angry and frustrated and enraged
This is a time when my emotions
will destroy everything in my path
if left uncaged
It is a time when
I feel like a wrecking ball;
No, not the Miley Cyrus song-
A real wrecking ball to tear down the walls
Break through it all
Screams echoing down the hall
To fall on nonexistent ears
This is a time when I just want to
scream and cry and scream and cry,
and then cry and scream again
But my screams went silent long ago
And my tears just don’t fall
Crystalline in the lamplight
And maybe that’s why
Once upon a time
Blood stained the grimy bathtub floor
Dripping from the chasms that I opened
on my arms and legs and hips
Bottomless holes to set my demons free
Stop the screaming
The blood flowed the way the tears would not
Clean and strong, keep flowing on
Not afraid to leak past the surface of my skin
But blood is not an option anymore
A promise made, broken, made fresh again
I will not break my promise again
And I just wish that the tears would flow
clear and clean, emptying me
But I’m afraid to cry, splotchy red face
embarrassing me
Someone once told me
that I am strong
because I was brave enough to just go on
But bottled-up emotions and blood in the bathub isn’t strong
And I feel like an old Linkin Park song
So someone just tell me what the **** is wrong with me
‘Cause everytime I try to figure it out, I’m wrong
Older faces, wiser than me
tell me that nothing right now will last permanently
But anxiety like this, crippling heartbeat,
That doesn’t just go away
And I think the only reason I’m here today
is fear and true love;
Hope saved me so I may one day see
Sunlight on my child’s face, lighting up green eyes, my eyes
But I have to survive the hardest part first
and this is just the beginning
Fear pinning me down won’t let me move on
But love keeps me strong so I can still live on
But the darkness keeps nipping at my heels, so I run on
And sunlight brightens my scars.

A star, a dandelion fluff
A penny and a clover
None of these as special, I think
As the bright birthday candle
The flame may be temporary,
but the meaning lasts forever
So blow out the candle, so make your wish
As you have done for years
The tradition is ageless, much like a wish
and the memory lasts forever.

Sitting here in Spanish
Not caring about estar
I don't want to be here
for two and a half
hours
I want to take a nap
But la maestra will wake me up
So
I
write
instead
And  as I write
I think about poetry
and
music
And I wish I had my iPod
So I could play some
Linkin Park
Lady Gaga
Paramore
owl City
and others
But at least I have
a notebook
So I can put my thoughts
onto
paper

Another heart gives up, another soul gives in
Another body falls and their blood runs thin
spreading in lines through a grand school
tapping the toes of the wise and the fool
opens their eyes, makes them look behind
a mask woven from lies
And everyone denies
There is no way it could have been a suicide.
Don't be so sure, do you know what was inside?
She was hurt, she was broken, she was tired of losing hope
And when no one noticed and no one cared she cut the biggest rope
We felt it. We felt the disconnection, do you know that, Abigail? We felt you when you left. We noticed and we cared, but you couldn't see because we couldn't see
that you were drowning in a great, oily sea. You didn't know who to be, so here comes
nobody alive.
We felt it when you took the dive.
We stained the ocean with sorrow-blue tears, we shoved away the worst of our fears,
we denied and we cried and we sighed and we said
"There's just no way that she could be dead!"
How could a soul made of a kindess, a soul so bright,
suddenly just lose all of its light? How could a heart stop beating when it was so big and warm?

Our hearts beat for you, Abigail. We won't forget, you're alive here in us. You're not quite gone, even if there is an empty seat on the bus. We cannot know, we cannot say, how much pain you went through before the day. But we know for fact, yes, we know we can say, that you will be remembered for the rest of our days.

My poems "Asylum" and "Shining" won awards in the Scholastic Art and Writing awards!! I also won awards for my digital artwork.
I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can find both poems on my page :)

A strange word, but it fits

how I feel

I cannot control

The shivering of my heart

The fire in my blood

The whispers in my head

Screaming for sweet silver and red

Everything inside me runs

Amok.

Is a rose a rose?

Nobody knows

what hides beneath those petals

Bloodstained

Smells like rust, like dust

and death

Sweet fragrance

Sharp thorn to ***** your finger

and send you spiraling down

into darkness

Falling

Shadows beneath

every sweet-smelling petal

Stained with blood

With death, with fear

Beautiful mask, nothing more

Underneath, nightmares sleep

Tucked under death-scented sheets

They wear that fragrance,

A sweet perfume

And when they bite you,

You smell it, too

Stars sparkle,
glittering eyes in the sky
They glow in exquisite shades
of crimson and cobalt and gold
Here on Earth,
to the bare human eye,
they are cold, white diamonds
They whisper stories
and put on dazzling shows
that will forever awe and inspire
Streaks of fiery orange, white, yellow, and blue
paint the sky
as the gems fall and become simple stone
Now they are precious ore and minerals
Now they whisper secrets of what's up there
Now their beauty
lies within

Shh! Don’t tell!
I am melancholy
As the day weighs down my brain
And I yearn to sleep, to forget
Shh! Don’t tell!
I’m still sad, do you see it?
I hide shadows just beneath my eyelids,
I hide tears behind my teeth
Shh! Don’t tell!
I still get so melancholy
Even though I thought the darkness was gone
But there will always be a shadow here, I suppose
Shh! Don’t tell!
Well, they wonder why I cut
They wonder why I don’t cry
Well, maybe I’d rather feel pain than die
And maybe it hurts too much to cry
Yes, I know, that makes no sense
But I’m clearly not quite right in the head
Don’t tell my soul, don’t tell my heart
Don’t tell them I still may fall apart
I’m not dying, I’m not giving up
I’m just a little melancholy
In the morning, I’ll be okay,
I hope.

I feel it coming back again
That little yearning to draw blood again
Shred my skin,
Tear it off
Let me bleed and feel this pain
Tears are rolling down my cheeks
As I try not to scream
My father sits in the next room,
Blissfully unaware
This is one thing I will not share
This is the moment when I just
Want to tear myself to shreds
Just for the pain, sweet pain
I hate feeling numb
Cold
Empty
Give me real pain
Give me warm blood
Give me something to count on
Why is this suddenly coming back?
Oh, all the terror is coming back
Don’t scream, don’t cry
You don’t want to explain to daddy why
And, a mile away, my soul mate lies
Alseep, and dancing with a nightmare
Or awake, lost in the fiction of a video game
Either way he does not know
That I am suffering
But that’s okay,
I’ll keep it that way
For now,
Just let me suffer in silence, alone
That’s the way it always goes
That is how it will always go
Alone, I cry
Alone, I convince myself not to die
Don’t bleed, don’t cry
Don’t scream, and don’t cry
There will only be more pain
If you let yourself fall back
Can I do this? Can I prevent bloodshed,
Fresh scars on my skin?
I don’t trust myself, I don’t know
I don’t know
**** it all, I just don’t know.

My heart feels like

it

will

explode.

I am trembling

vibrating

quaking.

I am

afraid

panicked

living

in fear.

I am always

afraid.

What are you doing
back in front of me
With shards of glass in your chest -
You wait for me to pull them out,
And tell you that you’ll be okay,
But I don’t know that I can still help you
If all you’ll do is push me away.

Stay away, stay away
Keep your venom away from me
Depression, I hate you
Addiction, I am tired of you

I don't want to drown anymore
I don't need to bleed anymore

So please stop telling me otherwise.

Butterfly heart,
I have a butterfly heart
when I'm with you
You've caught my butterfly heart,
holding it gently in your hands
If anyone else had snatched it from the air,
I would have grabbed it right back
But you, I trust
I trust you with my butterfly heart
Just be gentle with it
Don't let it fly away
I really would like
for my butterfly heart
to stay.

feel my heart
beat beat-beat
beating faster as
our eyes lock

I feel a smooth, syrupy warmth building in my chest
and spreading through my body
as I gaze into your eyes

feel my heart
beat-beat-beat
beating faster as
you take my breath away

Slowly, we close the gap between us
until our lips finally meet
and a slow flame burns bright in my veins

feel my heart
beatbeatbeat
beating faster as
feather-light souls reach out and embrace*

We melt into each other, lost in passion
and the world around us vanishes
as our souls touch and we promise our love

Fury spins

Swirls

Through my veins

Screaming for release

I don't know how

To release it



Fear builds

Climbs

Into my throat

Threatening to smother

I don't know how

To avoid drowning



Darkness grows

Expands

Across my soul

Trying to **** me

I don't know how

To stay alive