I once sat
in the middle
of an infinite ocean,
struggling to breathe
and desperately awaiting rescue.

And then,
there you were.
Life pulled me through
pain and solitude
just to bring me
to you.

You approach,
and in your wake lies
a path to the future.

Butterfly heart,
I have a butterfly heart
when I'm with you
You've caught my butterfly heart,
holding it gently in your hands
If anyone else had snatched it from the air,
I would have grabbed it right back
But you, I trust
I trust you with my butterfly heart
Just be gentle with it
Don't let it fly away
I really would like
for my butterfly heart
to stay.

Here is a rose

It grows and grows,

an exquisite blossom blushing red

The blossom wilts

It dies and dies,

warm blush decaying brown

The petals fall,

dirt stained with blood.

Stick a hook into my heart
Barbed end piercing arteries
Reel it in and
Yank the ***** out of my chest
I'll scream until I cannot feel
anything
  anymore.

  Shove a needle into my brain
Thread on the end drifting through gray
Sew up the weeping chasms
Where I have gone mad
I'll scream until I cannot make
a single sound
  anymore.

  Pierce my skin with a blade
Shining silver coated in crimson
Slide it through the thin white and
Let scarlet rivers flow
I'll scream until I cannot hear
the words they say
  anymore.

  Stab sharp-edged swords into my soul
Vicious syllables tearing me to pieces
Rip me apart and scatter the shreds
Across the roiling ocean
I'll scream until I cannot live
in this cruel world
  anymore.

Can I write?
How can I write
When I feel so empty?
When I feel so empty,
how do I live?
How do I live,
with a brain malfunction?
With a brain malfunction,
can anything really fix me?
Can anything really fix me
if even in love I'm still broken?
If even in love I'm still broken,
how is it working?
How is it working
if I live an unstable life?

*Hope.

What are you doing
back in front of me
With shards of glass in your chest -
You wait for me to pull them out,
And tell you that you’ll be okay,
But I don’t know that I can still help you
If all you’ll do is push me away.

I don’t understand
how we could be so cruel.
We mold our words into weapons
and force survival of the fittest,
And if you’re too weak to withstand the blows
then you’re pushed off the cliff, off the chair, knife to your throat.
We’re not afraid to harm our own,
to beat them, to cut them, to shoot them, to ****;
We’re not afraid to spill blood
that is the same color as our own.
Why is that we are so primitively cruel?
Centuries after we first became,
centuries after we needed to fight to survive,
we still rely on bloodshed to prove our worth.
It makes me sick,
to know that I am one of a species
that is smart enough to understand feelings,
But abuses that understanding.
It makes me sick,
to know that someone could easily fire a gun
in the store that I shop at
just to hear the screams, see the tears and blood,
fear and pain,
Terror.
The only thing that eases my nausea
is knowing that we can be good, too.
We can love, and fight for love,
We can defend the ones who are weaker than we are.
Who would have thought
that the battle between good and evil
truly is fought every day,
but by normal humans rather than superheroes?

Is a rose a rose?

Nobody knows

what hides beneath those petals

Bloodstained

Smells like rust, like dust

and death

Sweet fragrance

Sharp thorn to ***** your finger

and send you spiraling down

into darkness

Falling

Shadows beneath

every sweet-smelling petal

Stained with blood

With death, with fear

Beautiful mask, nothing more

Underneath, nightmares sleep

Tucked under death-scented sheets

They wear that fragrance,

A sweet perfume

And when they bite you,

You smell it, too

Well, Mike Shinoda's words are true,
time is a valuable thing
And I wish I could freeze it
for just another month, maybe two

I'm not ready to leave you.

Flower

petals look like paint

Like the clouds opened up and wept

a rainbow

And the colors splashed and became

fragrant

Growing into the earth

Blooming



Lightning

bugs look like dying bulbs

Like that light in the lamp that

flickers

And struggles to stay brigh

and warm

Glowing desperately one last time

Exploding



Autumn

leaves look like flames

Like the trees exploded, every one

flaming

And now they all burn and glow

until death

Flickering fire is now

Dying



Snowflakes

look like broken glass

Like someone smashed a window

in the sky

And we all watch as the shards

fly by

Catching strands of sunlight

Blinding

Flower petals, soft
Colored like cream
Hints of pale rose splashed on the tips
Hold the flower carefully,
and it won’t ***** you with its thorns
Caress the petals, feel them, so soft
Touch your lips to them gently
The bloom will open for you, open
to reveal its bloodred depths, passion
Hold the flower carefully
until it opens
Then keep a tight grip
and caress the soft petals, cream and rose.

Let
me
go


numb


here in this half-asleep
state.

Let me blur the lines,
fade out from the world.

Let me exist as a breath
in the air,
a single dewdrop on
a small blade of grass.

Let
me


dissolve.

Stars sparkle,
glittering eyes in the sky
They glow in exquisite shades
of crimson and cobalt and gold
Here on Earth,
to the bare human eye,
they are cold, white diamonds
They whisper stories
and put on dazzling shows
that will forever awe and inspire
Streaks of fiery orange, white, yellow, and blue
paint the sky
as the gems fall and become simple stone
Now they are precious ore and minerals
Now they whisper secrets of what's up there
Now their beauty
lies within

I feel the tremors in my blood,
the music shaking up my brain
The energy quivering through my veins
I need to hop up
onto my tippy-toes
I need to MOVE
Spin and jump,
twirl and
f
a
l
l.
Catch me if I fall, love?
Catch me if I fall.

Fury spins

Swirls

Through my veins

Screaming for release

I don't know how

To release it



Fear builds

Climbs

Into my throat

Threatening to smother

I don't know how

To avoid drowning



Darkness grows

Expands

Across my soul

Trying to **** me

I don't know how

To stay alive

I always knew I could
weave magic with a pen,
but I never realized that
the magic could pull
tears from dry eyes,
or pain from numb hearts,
or warmth from cold souls,
or inspiration from empty minds.

I never ceased to be amazed
by the power of our love,
by the gentlest caress,
by the sweetest kiss.

I’m still so baffled
as to how this is happening
as to how I’m so lucky
as to how this is even real.

And I swear, oh, I swear,
my love for grows every day
my love for you will never die away
my love for you is here to stay.

When I stand outside
surrounded by January
and open my mouth wide
The air that slides
over my tongue
tastes like winter, like
snowflakes and icicles
Cold and sweet

I taste it inside, too
and I'm amazed
when I look at my home
and see that it is not
made of ice cubes
that form a white dome
and a tiny door
and a frozen home

Even wrapped in layers
of blue cotton and wool
I tremble and vibrate
I shiver from the cold
and that sweet icicle air
crawls down to my heart
freezes my blood
turns my skin to ice

January
is far too cold
for me

100 followers! What a milestone! Thank you guys so much for reading, faving, reposting, and generally just loving my poems! You guys are awesome!

The dark is a comfort,
it does not deserve a phobia.

Darkness should not be feared.
It can protect you from reality.

Starry mornings, full of fog
Soothes me with silent lullabies.

I welcome the dark, and
The dark embraces me warmly.

I let the shadows wrap around me,
Pulled over my shoulders like a blanket.

The dark is a friend,
Nothing to be feared.

Burst of light
A shred of a dream
A dazzling display
Something to captivate me
Make me forget
That the world is cold
That the sky is melting
And the stars have all grown old.
Make my heart explode into
A fireworks burst of color
Innumerable shards of  exquisite things
Impossibilities.

My existence flickers,
but only in my own mind-
I seem to be forgetting reality,
and the memories I've captured
are finding ways to escape the jar.
I chase them through the dew-speckled fields,
but they deceive me every time.

And sometimes I stop,
and fling myself to the ground -
roll to face the stars,
and nearly drown in my own tears,
and ask

"Why?"

I shouldn’t miss you this much.
I shouldn’t miss
our car rides,
your music,
the conversation.
I shouldn’t miss your company,
even when rain clouds lingered.
I shouldn’t miss you
for hurting me this way.
You knew it would hurt me
and you did it anyway.
I should be furious,
screaming in rage,

but I miss you.

Breathe.
Close your eyes, feel the sun on your face, and breathe.
Close your eyes, feel the sun on your face,
listen to the rustle of leaves, and breathe.
Close your eyes, feel the sun on your face,
take in the scent of dew-coated grass and bright blossoms,
and breathe.
Now open your eyes,
look around;
It's a beautiful view, is it not?
The sun filtering through the leaves,
bright and green;
the blue jays swooping over your head,
streaks of blue and gray and black;
the fresh lilacs, roses, tulips, and peonies,
sweet-smelling rainbow;
Look up:
there's a real rainbow, left behind
by the clear, clean rain that just passed by.
This is a beautiful world,
keep it that way, please
Keep this world beautiful.

I’m ok for now
But I can’t stop fearing the worst
Can’t stop watching the horizon
For the crushing wave -
This is too good,
And I know that it’ll end eventually.

The words of Keats stick to my brain
“To cease upon midnight with no pain”
Though I am scared to
I’ll confess my deepest fear
Since the beginning of time
Humankind has theorized
The meaning of the end
Is it an eternal sleep, the black that comes
Or is it a soul’s journey to another place?
I do not know who to believe
And that makes me afraid
I am terrified of the words “The End”
I’ll admit it, oh, yes, I’ll admit it:
I am terrified of death.

a heartbeat
the world rushes around us
i pull you to a stop
you turn to face me and
i fall into your embrace,

another heartbeat
and as my cheek rests in the curve of
                                             shoulder and neck
i breathe you in and close my eyes and feel
your arms, tight around me
and there is nothing else

skip a beat
the world is gone
we are the only ones,
you and i,
souls entwined in

a fresh heartbeat
and time moves again*
a brief moment of forever.

I don't care how pretty it is,
sparkling in the sun,
I hate the snow,
I hate it, I hate it!
It keeps me away from my love.

I just can't help myself-
can't avoid
closing my eyes
and falling back in time
To that perfect moment
To that kiss

Every detail comes back
in vivid technicolor
I relive every second
Even milliseconds find their way
into my mind, making
A five-star movie
tht brings a smile every time.
When I lie awake and alone
and filled to the brim
with thoughts of you,
I just close my eyes,
I go back in time
And I don't feel so alone
anymore,
and I can wait
just a little bit longer
to finally see you again.

Pull the wires out from under my skin
I think I’m starting to rust again
My movements are stiff, my thoughts shedding red
I think I’m starting to rust again
Dunk me in Arctic waters,
Watch me d i s s o l v e
Pull the wires out from under my skin
I think I’d like to be a ghost girl again
I can live without hot blood
Seeking the warmth of my only love
Pull the wires out from under my skin
I might end up almost dead again.

it's my birthday today
but i don't feel
older.
i don't feel
a year away
from being an official adult.
i don't feel like
anything has changed,
i just feel like
another normal day.
the world still sits
just beyond my grasp;
my heart still shivers,
still trembles in fear.
my mind still fails
to absorb maturity
i still feel sixteen.

I hate being a damsel in distress,
Lying on the railroad tracks
with a villian laughing behind me
I’ve always fought back
Tie him up instead,
let him squirm in the coral snake pit
I’ve never liked being saved,
Seen as fragile and weak,
Standing here with my pretty dress and rose-petal cheeks
No, I’m not fragile, I’m not weak
I prefer boots over slippers
Trousers over skirts
I’m not some poor, defenseless litte princess
I know how to weild a sword

But then my knight came along,
And while I’d still fight,
There were battles I could not win,
Not without him
And when I collapsed beneath the dragon’s feet,
My knight came
Weilding a sword of tear-stained steel,
The metal reinforced with soul mates’ heartstrings
And he was brave, slaying the dragon
Even as I tried to get back up on my feet and say “Nay!”
The great beast fell, and my knight turned to me
Eyes glimmering with fear
“I know you prefer to defend yourself,
But it looked like you needed me here;
I couldn’t just let him devour you.”
I stepped forward, booted feet suddenly light
And surprised him with a crushing hug.
“Thank you,” I said, “thank you.
I will owe you forever for this, my knight.”
He smiled at me, relief lighting his face, and replied
“All I need in return is you by my side.”
We sealed the promise with a kiss.

But that still doesn’t make me
A damsel in distress.
I’m a knight, too, just like him,
And we save each other.

I am not one to write
words of love, but
Surely I must make an exception
for you

You pulled me up from the bottom
of the darkest sea
And into my hand you placed
a little candle to help me see

The other hand you took in yours,
Giving it new warmth
A heat that spread through my veins
and sent the fear away

We walked upon the diamond sand
and gazed up at the stars
Whispered secrets, shared stories,
found that we share pain

Now. hold me close
and don't let go
You keep me from falling down
Keep my hand warm inside yours

It's cliche to say that you
brought sunshine back to me
Even when no one else
seemed to truly see

I was lost, and I was alone
but you found me
I hear your voice, I take your hand
and now I am complete

I am not one to write
words of love, but
Now I have made an exception
for you

For you have surely earned these words,
scratched down in pale morning light
You treat my heart so carefully,
you're sure to do what's right

So let me keep
my hand in yours
As we walk
through the night

My body may move,
but my soul is forever with you,
my heart next to yours.
I may seem far away, love,
but I promise you
I am always by your side.

No matter how
the world may change you,
no matter the words you say,
my heart is yours
and you swear yours is mine,
as long as that is true, I promise you, love,
I am always by your side.

We'll both grow older
in the time that stands between us,
but be not afraid
of becoming an outgrown toy
I will always need you,
your heart next to mine,
I promise you again and again, love,
I am always by your side.

So kiss me again
and forget those gray fears
They'll only cloud your happiness, love,
Please, remember,
always remember:
I am always by your side.

The pleasure...is good. It is wild, and bright.
But...not the same. Not something to write in the stars, not
something that blazes across my skin,
why?
Why is it different?
Almost gray...

I can safely say that
I’m better
I’m much better than I was
five months ago

Five months ago
I was a cutter and a liar and a girl wearing a mask
I had a death wish and a fear of oblivion
Eternal conflict kept me alive, not much else
Excpet maybe a heart barely beating
but somehow still warm

I don’t rely on blood and pain anymore
to keep my emotions in check
I’m opening up, being honest with myself
and with the ones I hold close to my heart and soul
I don’t wish for darkness,
and my heart is definitely beating

But underneath this fresh new smile
and cheeks flushed with hope and love
My blood still boils, my mind still toils
My heartbeat is insane
I still can’t tell you if I’m not fine
I can’t trust my thoughts,
they betray me to fear
If you look at me closely enough,
you might see the threat of crystal tears

I have hope, I have happiness and love
I have someone to hold, who can hold me
A shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold
I can finally say that I’m not alone
I can be honest when I tell him I love him
And I truly mean it, too
He’s my life, my heart and soul
And I know I will never let him go


And while you can completely trust my words of love,
there are other words you should not trust
When you ask me if I’m okay
the truth sits at the back of my throat,
tears ready to spill
But I remember there are people around
Remember we’re not alone
So I swallow the honesty, I tell you I’m great
Confirm the statement with a smiley-face
And then wince in pain as the lie burrows through my veins

I can trust him, I know he’s always there
No matter how far, I can always feel him there
Soul mate, linked forever
We are bound by the universe
I can tell him everything
and know he won’t turn away
And he’ll know how to cheer me up
if the old fears are poking through the dirt
He’ll know how to clear the clouds away
So raindrops won’t stain my shirt

So if I can trust you,
why can’t I tell you the truth?
Why can’t I tell you that
it’s slowly coming back-
the fears and the tears building in the back
of my throat;
I forgot how to scream and my tear ducts are blocked
And I know that if maybe we could just be alone
I could finally break through the walls I used to call home

Five months ago, I was a broken girl
But now I am fixed
But there are still cracks in my sunshine exterior,
and the darkness sneaks into my brain
I’m not alone anymore, I’m healing
I’m opening up, fresh summer bloom
But the mask still has not gone
And my smile can still be faked
I have hope
I have fear
I have a fresh start here
I might mess up this life, too
Love is truly a powerful force
*So is it enough to save me from a darker force?

Hush, my love,
Don't be scared
I won't let them hurt you
Those demons who wish to leave you scarred
Just stay close to me,
I'll take the blows instead
So, hush, my love,
Just breathe for me.

Footsteps
scuffing the pavement
Then another set, coming quickly behind
Turn, and lock eyes
With your Fear
Freeze!
It looms over you,
heavy breath and acrid stench
You can hear its heartbeat, pounding hard and loud and fast
You can’t take your eyes away from its face;
So horrible, so terrible and grey
Blazing eyes and heavy breath;
the stench clogs your throat so you can’t breathe
And you heart starts running to match the beast’s
Panic!
How to escape, how to get away?
How to be sure that you will live another day?
You swallow the heavy stench that fills your throat,
you put a hand to your heart and breathe,
you narrow your eyes at your Fear, you say
“Begone, foul beast, I do not want to play.”

I love to trace
the line of freckles
on your face

Your eyes
are so full
of life,
your smile
so true.

Your kiss
fills me
with warmth,
your hands
so gentle
around
my waist.

You are
a great perfection,
and I love you more
than I’ve ever known.

When I was a kid,
The world was a sparkling diamond,
And I was fascinated by the iridescent sparkles.
Then I grew up,
And everything shattered.

I rarely frequent this place now,
it sits and stares, but remains ignored.
The words don’t come like
they used to do,
They don’t weave the same magic.

I don't want to feel numb
I'd rather feel pain
than nothing at all
So don't judge me for wanting to bleed
I don't want to feel numb
I'd rather feel pain
than nothing at all
Don't yell at me for relying on a blade
I don't want to feel numb
I'd rather feel pain
than nothing at all
Don't look down at my scars
I don't want to feel numb
I'd rather feel pain
than nothing at all.

Back
in your arms
My heart
can start
again
And I
am awake
no longer numb
I can feel your breath
on my cheek
Feel your warmth,
you are there
Back
in my arms
again.

I have a hard time
describing
what my childhood memories
feel like.

I think most my age
still recall their childhood
pretty clearly,
like photographs of various quality.

I feel as though
my memory cracks a little
every time my settings
are changed.

The first crack was graduation,
the flurry and fear of
finally
leaving home.

College became
a hazy blur;
it stings to look at it
directly.

Everything falls short,
I move again,
another crack forms
and I feel the pain.

Memories here
are strange and bittersweet;
The fog here is thick,
and I know I don't want to see.

In the present,
I just try to breathe;
but I feel so detached
from my memories.

Everything feels
so far away,
mirages in a shifting desert;
golden sea swirling with storms.

I don’t want to slip away,
Not when I’m with you
But I cannot control this,
This disconnection
The cords snap
Between my head and soul
So that I’m not quite here,
Not quite there
Honestly, I’m not quite
Anywhere
And then you look at me
Ask if I’m okay
You know
there’s something not quite right with me
You feel me slip away
But the me that’s not me lies
And she tells you I’m okay
Even as I drift away
Further and further from the truth of the day
Don’t let me slip away

Shh! Just listen,
Just let me tell you this;
A ray of sunshine piercing
through the blackened clouds;
The speed of light reveals
the color that lies
just past our eyelids.
The raindrops stop;
Precipitation stands still
and dissolves in
the growing ray of sunbeam.
A rose bush, dead and brown;
The light hits it at
just the right angle, and
A tiny bud appears,
growing and growing and
soon to bloom in a burst
of passionate red.
A kiss on a flower-petal cheek;
Frosted pink flares into
a pleased splash of pale red,
and a smile grows below.
A fresh, new bud of love;
It banishes the darkness,
dissloves the chilly downpour,
it wakes me up and opens my eyes.
Shh...are you still listening?
I want to make sure
the words fall from my lips
and land on your tongue
to meet each other's ears.
One, two, three words,
simple and still complicated.
A juxtaposition provokes us
to twine our fingers together
and say,
"I love you."

As I was taking a shower last night,
I noticed my phobia
crawling up the wall.
The creature was struggling;
she was barely any bigger than
some of the water droplets
that were scattered across her path.
I left her at peace,
for she was doing me no harm.
When I went back an hour later,
the arachnid was gone,
leaving no hint
of her journey’s success or failure.

Skylark soaring through soul-gray clouds,

She tries to find her way;

A raven chases after her,

He cannot stay away

She flies through storm and sun,

She opens her beak and sings;

The raven, following,

Closes his eyes to listen

The skylark searches for her true home,

Wonders where her heart belongs;

The raven sees his universe in her,

Yearns for more of her sweet song

At last, a lake looms below,

With an island fit for two;

The skylark lands, the raven follows

Shy in the moonlight

The skylark’s song soothes his chaotic night.

The tormented heart
has many connections
And when the heart dies,
pieces of connection die with it,
And no one is safe
from the repercussions.

If I am to become a famous poet
like Plath or Poe
I ask that you do not tear apart my poems
to find a secret meaning
Read them as they are
Enjoy them for their present message.