I'm slipping, tripping-
forgotten how to stand.
Choking, drowning,
sinking like quicksand.

I'm aching, breaking-
feel my heart shatter.
Abusing, wasting,
this life, doesn't matter.

I'm failing, trailing-
always two steps behind.
Lying, cheating,
truth is vexing to find.

I'm choosing, losing-
decisions are always bad.
Longing, yearning,
for clarity I never had.

I'm falling, calling-
can no one hear me cry?
Dissolving, fading,
in the blink of an eye.

I'm waiting, anticipating-
the bottom can't be far.
Hoping, wishing,
on a lonely nights star.

I'm blending, pretending-
smiles mask the pain.
Begging, pleading,
for a day without rain.

A broken face
yet the hate 
remains. 
Countless reflections-
self inflections
of pain.
Razor sharp
jagged shards-
my soul...
shattered apart
reckless heart-
no control.
But burning tears
can't hide
what I see... 
in that broken face-
the disgrace 
in me....

Where are you going
my little one...
my precious son?
Why are you taking
my baby from me?

Close my eyes
and you're two...
Close my eyes
and you're four...
Close my eyes
and you're walking
right out of the door.

Where are you going
my little one...
my precious son?
You just keep growing
too quickly for me.

Close my eyes
and you're eight...
Close my eyes
and you're ten...
Close my eyes
and I just want
to hold you again.

Where are you going
my little one...
my precious son?
You've no way of knowing
how proud you make me.

Close my eyes
you're in school...
Close my eyes
and you're grown...
Close my eyes
and you're a father
precious son of your own.

my ***** secret
moral intoxication...
addicted to him

I truly do wish
I could be more like you,
to live life without regret.
Won't you teach me
how to do as you do?
I promise to never forget...
First, clarify
just how to fake love
so others see it as real.
Then drain my soul
until it's void of
any feelings it may feel.
Instruct my heart
how not to break,
and like yours, turn to stone.
I'd never know loss
with nothing at stake;
I'd never be hurting alone.
Now demonstrate how
to walk out and leave
without ever saying goodbye.
Do disclose how
you so easily deceive...
teach me just how to lie.
Train my eyes
to shed no more tears;
reveal where pain should hide.
Then teach me how
to confine my fears,
keeping them all locked inside.
I must know how
to ignore the lust
found in a passionate kiss.
Then un-teach my mind
the meaning of trust
so I'll never again feel like this!
Now explain how
I can forget our love,
make me believe it wasn't true.....
And then when I master
all the above,
then, I will be more like you.

beyond the happiness, beyond the saddness
somewhere out there amidst the madness
within the shadows and depths of black
beyond the point of no turning back
where all hope and dreams are lost
into the bitter and lightless frost
feeling nothing & loving no one
finally hitting the very bottom
battered a tattered soul lies
and all alone it slowly dies
innocence wasted away
happiness gone astray...
what have i become?
nothing, just numb.