I've been broken
I've been hurt
I feel like I won't repair
But I know I will
But I doubt it will be anytime soon
But if it is
It'll be a miracle
Because I am a mess
I am depressed
and shaking
and clearly not myself
I don't know when I'll be myself either
I have been broken
For a long time
Don't think I'll heal quickly
Because I don't think I will.

Months ago, I felt crazy about you.
but you suddenly left me.
You called me names,
said you never cared,
said you never wanted anything to do with me,
but deep down I knew you did.

We've stopped talking,
completely.
I'm not sure why,
but it's crushed me.

I was crazy about you,
but it all went downhill,
fast, and scary.

There have been several months,
where I haven't spoken a word to you.
As the months go on
I haven't been thinking about you like I use to,
but I still do because I can't get you out of my head.

I use to call you
Babe, Baby, Handsome, Cutie,  Mine, and B.

You use to call me
Cutie, Babe, Baby, Beautiful, Gorgeous, Cutie, BB, and Babygirl.

We use to say "I love you"
but everything has gone downhill
I can't love you anymore,
I can't text you,
I can't call you,
I can't talk to you.

I thought everything would change for the good,
but it hasn't.
Everything changed for the worse.
I lost you completely

I got you back
not sure if how long I'll have you back
but for now, I have you

For the last two months, you've had me on that blocked list
It's broken me
I use to love you
I use to say it all the time to you,
but now when you say it to me I don't know what to think
because yes I love you
but I can't get hurt again

You make me crazy,
I am so crazy about you its not funny.

I can't get you off my mind,
you've been there for me for the last two years.

I'm pretty sure that over the two years
I have learned so much about you,
I know more than your own sister does
you have bipolar,
you have girlfriend issues,
you have fighting issues,
so many issues that I know about that I'm not scared of.

I'm not scared of you
I am in love with you and nothing
absolutely nothing will change the love I have for you

I have written you so many paragraphs
I have told you several times I hate you,
You have called me several names and still,
nothing will change the amount of love I have for you.

You've stolen me from several guys,
telling them lies about me
because you need me
you love me
and you deny it every time
but honestly, that's okay
because I know deep down you are in love with me,
and I am in love with you,
and I won't deny it

Isaiah Micheal,
I am in love with you,
and you don't love me at all.

It's March 26, 2018, and I am just publishing this,
two days ago you blocked me,
two days ago I lost you again,
two days ago it all went downhill again.

Some nights I go down memory lane
Where I don't like to be,
I go there because flashbacks come back,
To the point where I'm in tears
I don't like to cry,
But I can't help it.
When I do end up crying,
It's too late.

On a cold January day,
I was abused
Bad
In school,
In the bathroom,
In the handicap stall,
I was left there to cry,

When I told the police,
It was too late,
Way too late.
They couldn't do anything because it was way too late.

Since then,
The last 2 years,
I've been bullied,
Harassed,
Physically and online

Not to the point where I wanted to do self-harm
But I've thought about it,
Several times.