Hollie

Hollie Jun 2023

Today I thought about you
You're down one knee
Ring in hand but I'm not there
You looked happy, more happy than I could ever make you
It hurt even though it wasn't real
There's a future I see
One with the both of us together
But that's the problem; I see it
Your feelings aren't there anymore
And we've drifted apart
Strangers passing by on the street
With nothing worth sharing
Because nothing can change our past
I thought I could fix what was wrong,
I felt alone in it all
Even if the way I showed it didn't seem like it, I am and always will be in love with you

#ring #past #love #problem #strangers #passing

Hollie Jun 2023

Flower

I always thought losing my virginity
Meant being like a flower
Having been plucked bare and tossed away
Everything asked of my body
Was an obligation
Something I couldn't say no to
Nothing I could complain or protest about
because at the end of they day
They would say they love me
Love me but not respect me
Not care that I was in pain
Crying and hurting beside them
Today I know better
I'm an endless garden
Forever growing with new flowers

#virginity #lost #no #protest

Hollie Jun 2023

Dear younger me

You deserved to feel safe
and i'm sorry the pressure to be more
Will always be crazy and cruel
And I wish I had saved you,
Being young was meant to be all fun and games
Not torture and pain
And i'm sorry it took so long
To start fixing us up
We fantasied about a better place
One with love and smiles
not bruises and cuts,
Scary ex's and nightmares
We've always had to be strong
and plan for definite futures
Someday we meet someone with a heart of gold
and loose them to our fears
Don't be afraid of the good
It keeps us safe and not our fears

Hollie Jun 2023

Click Click Click

Another job looking to hire
Resume uploaded
No I don't want to upload a cover letter
Yes I have the right to work
Click click click
It's almost robotic
Senseless and pathetic
Rejection after rejection
Sometimes it's radio silent
Clicking hoping for a reaction
Getting repetitive but I'm hell bent
To be among the many who slave away hours
Days into nights and again
It's a silly thing to envy
But it's the only independence
clicking can give me

#click #job #work #unemployment #jobsearch

Hollie May 2023

Will you?

Gentle soft uncoordinated lips
Through all seasons
You call upon me
To be kind sweet and mean
When I am gone
Will you still call for me
Or will you share all of you
To someone new
And call on her

#lip #lips #secret #connection #touch #stay #someone #new

Hollie May 2023

Familiarity

It is not just the firsts
It is everytime, every interaction
Never growing used to you
Makes for everything to be special
But it's a first for me
To be captivated by someone
To know enough that shouldn't leave me surprised but does eveytime
When you leave it's nothing new
A ping of pain anchored to my heart
But I deny familiarity
I will see you again and all will be okay

A love that never grows old or tiresome but one that has you falling in love again and again, even when that love is one sided

#neverending #love #younglove #oldlove

Hollie May 2023

Mirror

I've glanced at you at every chance
Off car reflections and bathroom walls
I've swirled and danced in front of you
Yet I deny the beauty they see
The face that draws onlookers
And gentlemen callers
I've spent hours hating how you look
picking apart or hating it all
You've seen me cry and smile
More than anyone else has
But I give you hell and talk you down
Have you doubt the sincerity of lovers
Find fault in words of admiration
I'm jealous of what they see in you
Something I don't see
I hate and hate on you everyday but
I've stared and caught glances of you
I want to be what they see in you
I'm indifferent to how they see us

#selfhate #reflection #mirror #beauty