Was that a dog?
Was it a pair of feet?
Was it real?
Or was it me?

The actors in the show aren't acting,
They're real.
There's no producer no casting,
And I feel,

I feel every thing that happens,
And it's like I'm going through it.
Even when the show ends,
replay and it's like new again.


What was i just doing?

I can't stay still my mind keeps on moving.

am I dead?
Am i alive?
is this my after life?
Can people see me?
Am i here?
i fear nothing but fear.


I cant be alone,
these two will **** each other.
it's hard to have so many personalities
one cant escape another.

papers
clothes
trash
everywhere

my thoughts
my feelings
buried somewhere under there

my voice
is overcome
by more voices
than one

mine is the weakest

schizophrenia is so hard to love.

maybe thats why no one does.

maybe thats why im not wanted.

depressed for a week \
happy for a day
suicidal for 3 years
i just want to go away

i cant control my thoughts
i cant control my actions
i cant help whats wrong

matter of fact who can then?

feels like no one.

medicine and hospitals
i know thats where ill end up
wont be the first time you know.

second,
third,
i really dont even care
i hate it so much on the outside what does it matter if i get locked up there?

mood swings
heavy
so heavy the metal bends

bipolar girl gets worse
she's all ****** up in the head.

i want to **** myself
obviously not enough to have done it
ive tried so many times but every time just wasnt working

pills
syrup
poison
cuts
suffocation
hanging
and i still wont give up

why me why cant i

fly free

like i was supposed to

why must i go through

life being;

so sick and poisoned

im a sweet girl

because of my sickness youd never know it.

it gets worse over time and my mind just keeps on showing.

im forgetting how to spell
where i left my keys
i'm forgetting how i fell
where i left my ID

did i do that
did it happen?
was it a dream?
did i imagine?

whats happening?
what is life?

none of this is real
its all a lie.

i cant help it
twisted mind
i wish i was normal
sickness of mine.

I feel like I've broken down
I've become a brand.
I'm all sold out.
And people buy with short hands.

my breath smells like my mouth is made of alcohol.
my eyes are low and i cant walk.
i just did what i had to in order to feel wanted
i just did what i can do to feel worthy.

all my life i've tried to keep people who dont love me.
and my product is wasting all over the place.
i need to clean it up but there's too much to do.
i just sit here and watch my business break.

Has this ever happened to you?
Strange that it happened to me...
I came across a stranger I never thought I'd meet.
Stranger has a journal
Stranger let me read
And inside of those pages seemed every word was written to me.
Yet I had never met this soul a second of my life.
Seems they have written  a response to my every move over time,
Wrong or right,
Stranger knows me.
Stranger apparently not,
Journal showed me...
What do I do now?
With this feeling I have for them?
If I carry it out I'll surely lose again.
There's a pattern in that journal
I make the same mistake that hurts me
So naive I just fall free into anybody's arms who I seem open up,
And when they close and I hit the ground and I break I want to give up.

Stranger told me

Stranger knows me

No need to think inside.

"I already know things, you dont have to hide, I wrote everything. I know your kind".

Feels like 3 days but its only been one.

Feels like my place in darkness is done.
Feel like my face is finally enough and my ways are actually going up.


I know better
Its too good to be true.
It didn't happen to me
Maybe it'll happen to you.

been some hundred years since your death

yet you're still haunting me
i can feel you hanging over my head

like a child your energy taunting me.
the strings on my hands aren't being pulled

a puppet to you and because of it i cant move

unless you decide to pull the strings loose

and let me go away,
away from you.

i can feel you coursing through my brain
after you died i hadnt felt the same

100 years and i still feel your pain

i dont know what you want but it hurts so bad.
to not be able to let go of what i thought i had

already let go of.

tell me what i have to do.
tell me how to satisfy you.

go rest in peace as you should

i cant help you now although i wish i could

stop hurting me i dont know what you want.

how can i get you to finally give up

you're speaking to me in darkness
a language i dont understand.

silence picks up my string and waves my two hands.

goodbye,

old friend.

will i see you again?

the strings were cut
my time is up

now i know what you want

you're alone in your world

well, friend, here i come.

My bipolar strings are being plucked.
I'm getting impatient and tired as ****.
I want to go home and lay down and sleep
A room full of kids is not  my place to be.
I don't want to be stuck here I really want to leave.
And all this ******* anger is building inside of me.

The time has come
The heat
must
Run
The leaves
Leave
Their trees
Winter is slowly coming
Get ready
For the
Heavy
Scarves and bundles of warmth
Summer is running
Winter brings snowmade forts
Sparkly snow
If you look real close
You can see the tiny lights glow
Happiness grows
Even in the
cold
I can already taste the hot coacoa.

The bright white nights
The light pink skies
The dreadful early mornings
I love the winter time.