Heart breaking..
No.
You took my heart and drove.
Head first into fire.
And you let it burn and die there.
Explain to me why anyone deserves you.
Explain how it is fair so many people have served you
And when anyone tries to fight you win by taking their life

It's ****** up and I hate you it's undone I'm gonna chase you till you open up and explain I'm gonna set fire to your rain and hope that we find a cure to replace you.

Explain how I'm supposed to live without my mother.
Explain how a kid explains this to her brother.
Explain how 3 children are to continue living everyday when they know they haven't seen mom in a week, a year, now they're fourteen its freshman year and they can't go back to being normal.
Everything changed because you destroyed them.

And I wish there was a way to avoid it.
But its too late you have her now and she's going...

I'll burn the cancer that kills my mother.
I'll torch you harder than you ever hurt us.
I'll take you out with a single dose.
Strong enough to cure a dozen folk.
And you'll never come back for another one of our people.
If you do,
That time the fight for you will be lethal.

"My cancer finally kicked in"
Mom says.
I guess her stage progressed.
Is that why she pushed me away this year?
Is that why she went on vacation and left us all here?
Coming slowly down the stairs with fluid in her belly.
I want to hold my tears but they've gotten too heavy.
I understand why she's been so mean.
I slice my hands as I scream
"mommy"
"Mommy"
"I don't want you to leave..."
"I forgive you for every thing you've ever done to me".
"Mommy, I love you.. Don't want you to go."
"cancer can't take you don't leave me alone"
She goes to the e.r but what can they do?
Cancer is killing my mom this afternoon
And I can't bare to look but I don't want to look away
Because what if when I close my eyes she goes to stay...
Cancer is taking my mommy home.
Cancer please leave my mom alone.

As I scream and rip my skin and my hair and my heart
Cancer is the reason I keep myself in the dark.
When my mom goes for good and they roll her down in the grave

I'll be pulling the knife from my chest as I scream

I'm coming

I have a voice
And it speaks
But silence
Speaks louder
I have a heart
That bleeds
Bleeds love
But inside there's,
Something
Like a weakness
My voice becomes stronger
And my love
Stops bleeding
You will hurt me
No longer.

Laying in an abandoned car outside of my house.
Wondering and trying to figure out what everything is about.
It can't be that complicated, what if life is really simple?
You get up, you survive and you move forward little by little.
The trees are wet from the rain I brought down,
They're waving at me as the wind dries them out.
My heart ripped open and all that was poured was pure poison,
It's the venom I use to keep myself from being used,
I feel like I'm gonna relapse and fall in love with this dude,
But he's not right for me and I'm no good for him.
We'd only **** each other till the world ends.
I wish I could be normal but my mentality is so lost,
And everything I think of is almost always wrong.
People don't get me,
I'm sure my parents regret me,
I know I could keep going but my heart won't let me.
It's falling apart and it's getting even harder to pretend when no one will accept me.
Marijuana keeps me alright and I haven't had it in a week.
I tried to change for this boy who doesn't even like me.
I should've known better I don't like to be clean.
I want to be as influenced as possible till my blood turns green,
Like the **** like the money like all the finer things.
But that doesn't appeal to me in reality.
I just want someone who will Still love me after they've been mad at me.
Power and hopelessness fight in my mind.
And I can't seem to referee no matter how hard I try.
The rules are always broken and one of them always dies,
Hopelessness wins and I'm left here to wonder and figure out why.

i wonder what you were doing in your final days.
seems like best things are always taken away.
were you having fun or were you in pain?
i wish that nothing happened, i wished everything hadn't changed.
i know this day is the worst for your family.
i remember when i found out it hurt kayla and me.
i couldnt believe what she said and i didnt ever want to...
a year later without you and all we want is you.
you dont have to come back to earth but it'd be nice to know you're alright.
your soul is what i reach out to,
i always think about you i just wish i could communicate with light

so i could hear you when you speak,
and know whenever you heard mine.
the stars that shine and stay above my head,
i know that it's you when i look into the night,
call upon your name and let you know you're not alone.
some times i see your face and i never close my eyes.
i think i believe in fait but it's hard to really say 'cause of all the falling pains it's like an ocean of poisoned rain,
and i never learned how to swim above the surface so i could live,
so i fall miles to the bottom where all the darkness is..
and i look around for you to see if you're real,  
and i can never wash the emptiness that i feel...
i just hope there is a god and if there is i hope to god that you live at peace right now, i cant believe it's been a year and you had to leave right now...
at times i can hear something telling me it's okay,
answering my questions to you as if i were insane,
it's inside my head so i dont trust that it'd be you,
i could just be delusional and imagining the truth,
if you can see this you know,
my mind is not easily fooled,
but the one time i'm not ashamed to be stupid is the times i believe that i am in touch with you.

It's been a year since he took you from the world and still I can't see you ever being gone...
I wish that I could take my beating heart and place it in your lifeless body,
bring you back with bleeding arms just to show me you are alive and embodied,
I wish that I could give my lungs to you,
The ones he shot the bullet through,
So you can breathe and be , just to be, but BE,
Don't be dead... just be...
I hate thinking about the truth because the truth is we lost you...
If you have a soul and you really did go ,
you passed on that's all i want to know...
Just that you're okay and you're not hurting to this day,
I don't want to believe that you're just lying in a coffin under the ground people walk on and i dont want to believe that that was the end ...
of you...
i want to put my hand on your chest and feel something ,
i want to see your face and be able to read it... living...
i need to know that you're still alive in some sense...
and since my life hasnt gotten any better,
i think i'll come to you.
to give you my heart and my lungs to use...
i dont want to believe anything about death.
i want to know you're at peace but in reality you're dead.
when i talk to you do you hear me?
when i smile at you do you see me?
when i call your name 50 times a day,
do you come to me to relieve me?
of this empty endless pain....
i just want to know...
that you
are okay...
i dont think i'll be able to read this over without a whole meltdown moving closer,
and i dont want to do that but how can i not?
i've just been through this so many times...

i dont want to make you sad
i dont know if you can see this but if you can,
i love you and i want you to know one thing...
it'll always be
"live on",
never
"rest in peace".
i feel like the loss arrested me... and im in prison awaiting release.
the way your death affected me is like i got smashed to un-fixable pieces..
i never thought i could be destroyed but he did...
when i found out what he did and that what he did could never be fixed...
i want to go to the end of the world and jump off of the highest cliff.
feel my body falling fast and death approaching faster.
nothing to catch me but life that comes after...
and when i see your face again i know that i am home...
and that what was taken from all of us was never really gone.

My thoughts are clouding the core of my skull

I can feel the storm coming but there's no where to go.
Shelter is beyond reach in my world where the suffering never sleeps and the pain never dies.

I hate it here.
I feel wasted here.
   Time isn't measured on this planet it just goes by.

And I sit here I never move because even if I do I stay behind.
Miles of space devoured by darkness,
All alone in this place I hate to say I can't take it but the energy it takes to fake it goes passed the skies, and...

I just ask myself why...

I choose to stay and die here.

When I so clearly have no need for existence or being alive here,

People... they offer help.
      They see me struggling by myself.

But when I accept it and let them in they turn around and walk away and leave me in this grave...

And I'm left more broken than before,
Emotions fall in their coffins once more,

I am silent as a corpse,
But my silence lies beneath much more...

My tears are loud and so ******* heavy.

I look in the mirror and whisper "please let me"...
Let me take you away let me show you a place where the look on your face isn't always the same,
The same look of sadness expressing how unhappy,
how abandoned and torn apart you are let me show you what could happen,
When you let what you imagine become what really happens,
And you make this ****** world the only place where you are happy.