there is a whiteboard next to my bed
it says “don’t be lazy”
even though
my mom would say
“we all have to do things we don’t want to do”

but you don’t understand
it’s not that i don’t want to,
it’s that

i can’t.

i wished i forgot to set the alarm
so i would be late for class
but the whiteboard says
“don’t waste your money”

so i force myself
to stare at the wall in the shower
and the wall in the classroom
and the wall in the doctors office

and i force myself
to have conversations
that i am not present for,

to write papers
with words
that i cannot articulate

and this made my mind more tired than it already was.

and so i fell apart,
expecting that you would take care of me.
thats what i’m supposed to do right?
but i messed up somewhere along the way

because you remain
looking anywhere
except my crying eyes

and my tears are fixed on you.
on your hands hoping they will touch me,
and your lips hoping they will tell me
that i will be okay.

pull you close
grab my waist
rest my hands
on your face
kiss you slow
close embrace
lift me up
wearing lace
hands will drift
press and trace
melting with
the sweet taste
love on lips
time to waste
you and i
in this place

s.s

flatten your tongue
slip it between your teeth

n.

your little lips
forming an elipsis

o.

put them together
and may you declare
a word you’d so carefully deny—
no.

you spell it out
on table tops
shout it
from the rooftops

and when cursed hands
seek to defile your shrine
may you exclaim
"i am mine"

I go to write the words on my pen,
but the ink runs dry.

Looking into the sea of my thoughts,
I begin to drown.

I reach and I grasp,
nothing.
I scream and I shout,
only silence.
I fill with doubt,
and doubt screams back at me....

"It's not true.
You can't make it.
If you ruin it,
then at least it was by your own choice.
Your fears,
are just the reality you face every day.
Give yourself back to me,
and become again who you used to be."

For a moment I sink further,
further into the abyss,
wanting to give myself away,
to let myself drown.

Further and further I go.
With each passing moment,
the doubt grows,
and I dwindle.

No longer knowing who I am,
I succumb at last to the water.
The dark chill of my thoughts,
the empty hollowness of who I become, and
the fears of my past begin to sink in.

All at once,
I am reminded of my past faults.
I am reminded of my past fears.
I am reminded of my past anxieties.
I am reminded of the loss of all that I hold dear.

I rise from the water at last, and
I breathe again.

I realize that,
no matter how much I grow up,
no matter how much I try,
no matter how many tears I cry,
I will always be scared.

I will always be scared,
of those who said they cared,
and hurt me the most.

To impeach or not to impeach: that is the question
To bar myself against his merciless beliefs
Or to deal with a worse evil by the name of Pence
His speeches of deportation and his turning of the laws
With his tiny hands and orange face is deplorable, despicable!
The destruction by the racist himself to LGBT+’s civil rights
Has wrought havoc for the transgendered, has instilled fear into us
To impeach or to keep
Pence, a sidekick, a partner in crime to the man in question, a worse evil
Hatred of us, boiling beneath his republican skin
Conversion therapy becoming an option, scarring and scaring the youths
Homophobia on the rise after the biggest triumph for us
Laws passed in June of 2015 no longer holding meaning
This man spreading his opinions to the new generations
To keep Mr. Trump would save us from a meaner man
But what would save us from the man who helped make America racist again?
There’s misogyny, bigotry, and racism filling the office
Violence, arrogance and white supremacy filling our country
Supported by Russia, the KKK, and racist republicans
Trump has taken this land into violence, fear, and hatred of one another
He has made public shaming against those with disabilities appropriate
And his voters have accepted this America as a great one
People are beginning to revert back to their prior nativism views
But to us Pence is a worse evil
Threats, pain, and fear still running deep within our communities
Shootings, violence, and property damage are just to name a few
Running rampant in our communities, egged on by this Vice President
Though Lord Voldemort may be terrible
Behind him is a line of Red Racist Bigots to replace him
Due to this, the Evil Man will have to be kept
And impeaching cannot take place