Spells and citruses
Fourth or sixth?
Decades or years?
Lasting scent of teenage years
I can't remember the last time I felt like a deer

Smiles so fake, but pure as the sunny day
Push and pulls from that street we crossed
How each of us had each other's backs
Remember the spell of a frozen time
Made us close like sea to tide
Worlds apart, dangerous in each other's lives
A few sacrifices I faced,
The misery we both faced
Grew us close,
But drew us apart

A suffocating thought, a heaving guilt in its wake
Denials of trust between us
Spells of fear and daydreams between us
Poems we wrote with such grace,
Forgotten in the ink, with such disgrace

Recalls of each memory
A pain in the chest, cardiac arrest
The envious gazes of passersby,
Summer rays blinding us from their slithering sorrows
A blissful movement we made,
A frozen picture in our brains
Silence after all the noise
Reminds me of us
The smiles and tears,
The upset on our faces,
The notes and letters slide away
A bittersweet smile on our face

Honour students we were
Oh, such dreams we lived
Stressed about a test one day,
Laughed about not studying the next
Magical were those days
The late day or the first day?
We met on Thursday
We split on Thursday
Signatures still linger on the school shirt
Markers scattered on the tiled floor, stepped on by many high schoolers
Joy and sadness in our eyes,
Silent goodbyes from afar with just a glance

We never actually said farewell
We were too good to be true
A secret we hid till the last day of truth
Now look where we are
An uncanny whisper of the past
The memories burn a hole in my scalp
The whimsical whistle of the period’s class
Shut the doors far too many times
You said you hated romance,
But touched me with a fever I caught

Slid the notebook to me with a smile,
Gave me snacks while sitting on the last bench
Loved the thunder outside the windowsill
“The favorite days of our prison,” we say until

Kind words from many,
Betrayal by so many
Left a few teardrops in the sky
They never fell with the rain or the midnight sky

Closed my eyes just once
You saddened and shifted away
We had each other at arm's length,
Pretended we were soulmates
“Conjoined twins,” they called us
Salty and sweet,
I twitched with glee

A fog of slithering blues
Crosses my mind in two
I didn't cry until goodbyes
The pressure, the late nights
Do you remember the hurt and heartbreaks?
How we thought we could get over our heartaches?
The lies we told each other of "I love you"
I hope you knew it would end like “I feel you”

Tears never in my eyes
Yours were filled with them
I don't know why
Shudders of each mild
I let you take the shine
The praises and the crimes
Felt like I admired you more,
But I feel sick just thinking about it now

My enchantments you stole
But I’m guilty too
I wasn’t my full whole
The magic I had wasn’t discovered before

I loved you before, like an enchantment we soothed
You loved me because I made you swear,
Let you chant my spells to may and might
The words we wrote in the red notebook,
A diary we promised not to show
Captured ink we had in it somehow

Used it to survive
Lies upon lies
Cried until midnight
Uncomfortable truths we might’ve hide

Loneliness is a bad state of mind
Forced friendship, a suffocating cage of many forced lies
Trying to survive, but no escape or olive branches to take

The winters came,
Took the heat, left only gloves
Shared them like kindle to flame
Until the last day

The buses felt too bare
The classes too full to compare
Hence, the last day came by again
But this time it left a sting of sentiment and graves

Autographs of many of my peers
Still left in the brown notebook with a cat sticker
Like a crystal ball of predictions and wishes
Compliments and confessions from many misses

Small beads of light pour out the cracks
Hadn’t noticed until you left
It's like the child in me all over again
Scared but so happy it hurts to think it left
Like the final days of spring and autumn all the less
Lovely with warmth
Summer rains with popcorn

These cursed and beautiful memories of May
New classes and a new smell of paper and play
Excellence of spellbinding we made on those wooden chairs
The charts of never-ending competitions and magical festive air

A spell was cast on us
On those silver spring days