You deserve the moon and the stars

And I’ll do anything to make you feel like the sun

-pedestal

"I wonder how many times I have ever kissed you”
-23/07/17

I alone
will water my wilted bones

Till my memories to encourage new growth

Plow through past trauma
and rake away the scars

Plant new feelings of self worth

**** out the shame and
distrust

Mulch my edges, put on a good face

Bask in your love

Root down into who I am

and heal

-growth

I like that you leave

hickies on my neck

instead of bruises on my heart

I am filled with flour
And I am filled with dough
Sometimes I think I matter
and then I really don’t

Come now
Pitter patter
Away with me I say
Or down the hall of laughter
Away from me today

Here or there or never
I really still don’t know

I try to think it over
And end up just as filled with dough

-the bakery of my thoughts

The blame started with eve

And hasn’t left since

Why do you insist

On hating us?

4 and a half years later,

I still find traces of you

On my body
In my mind

And not in the good way

The way

I flinch from raised hands
Tight grips
Or sharp words

The way

I question my self worth

The way

I don’t say stop when it’s not
okay
Or stay
Still for too long

The way

So here’s to hoping they’re almost
gone

As I’ve been unwinding these patterns for 4 and a half **** years

Surely,

The time it took to learn them
is proportional to how long it will take to rid them from my brain

Surely,

-wishful thinking