I was saved years ago

Saved from the drugs and crime I was so close to finding

All the abuse and sorrow I lived was now fading slowly, as he grew like a seed inside this teen kid

All the hopelessness slipped away

I had a reason to behave

Forced to grow up far to early

Today I'm exactly who I was meant to be

I'm a mom...

A few times over

But he's my first experience with pride...

The very first true joy in my life

People say I was brave to raise a child

Truth is he gave me purpose

He gave me life

All of the pain I almost drowned in, almost gave in to...

All the me that was left,
he found and saved me to

And he did this from simply existing in my whom

That little boy gave me the will to learn from my lifetime movie past

My angel, my heart, the first boy to steal my heart

The night you were born it rained so hard

It washed away any chance of being consumed by the dark

Loves the best thing in the world and you are my proof

Heart you babe......

I love you

I'm here, but I'm not

Consumed by my own demons and yours

Weakened by my past and afraid of my future

Forever dumb, useless

Digging my own grave using fear as my shovel, and love as my soil

I'm sure I'll have a beautiful funeral with lots of tears

Of course I won't notice till I'm there

With life's struggles I still loved and caring came effortless

It's myself I can't figure out

Pride for myself is honestly pride for others...

I know my value is somewhere in my mind, but fear and failure are far to strong

I'm ok

I live for the love I give

As long as they know thier loved and safe

I'm accomplished in the best way

God put me here to bask in love

My pain is the hurt of the world

The ones I protect myself from and pray for

Loved ones, your ever so close, but most of you are blind and until I die and you find my life's notes.....
You will never know

That's ok.
I'm ok.

I lived for your not your praise

People don’t see the pictures I paint in my head.
They laugh at me when I call myself an artist.

But it feels like forever.
From strangers to friends
To friends to strangers
You're both the reason
For my tears and laughter
One thing will never change
I will love you forever.

If love decided to be perfect,
Humanity may become humane.
Brokenness could deteriorate,
Jealousy a forgotten game.

If love decided to be perfect,
Peace may have a chance.
Honesty would blossom in acceptance,
We could achieve  our unfathomable dreams.

If love decided to be perfect,
A wholeness within could be filled.
The negativity that tomorrow always finds,
could finally close its eyes and die.

Alas, love shall never be perfect,
Hate- its true desire.
Good fortune always shines above waiting,
To turn into a most painful destruction.

We go down to hell to play with the devil
for we cannot be raised to heaven and sing with
an angel

I'm suicidal
I have thought about it not only once or twice but thrice
I'm suicidal
I have written hundreds, thousands and millions of letters
I'm suicidal
I'm a danger to myself
I'm suicidal
I see no fun in living.