My mind keeps pictures of you up on its walls
                            again
                         ­         and again
I find my thoughts drifting down that river of memory
orbiting around you, like forces of gravity drawn
to the idea of us (if there even is an us)

If I could then I’d lock you outside my brain, leave you out there to rot
in the abyss, where your words couldn't penetrate me
and your lips that work like anesthesia forbidden to numb me again

I won't do you the injustice of romanticizing your imperfections
You're no nebular, you're a black hole, a gaping flaw in creation
Your eyes that held millenniums of history, now hold me no future

You made me forget what it feels to have stability
To not walk out of a room and forget why I left
You make me want to shred the skin you touched
Like a reptile, to become reborn, purified from my past.

There never were any butterflies in your stomach, only parasites
but you fed them to me readily like a disease

So no, I won’t dedicate you another love poem
                 no I want (deserve) better
This isn't what love should be
I’ll write you a poem where the words convulse on the page
and you’ll forget to read it (you always do)

You’re a bitter sweet after taste
Of what was,
And never again will be
I’m unsteady and staggering on the words you never said,
You never said
But I’ll drink to you.

Because I want to feel
Featherweight,
You’re a fermenting chaos
And I cannot digest you quick enough,
I cannot digest you
Why do I drink?

You’re a craving
Debauchery,
My guiltiest pleasure
What’s moderation when I’m with you?
When I’m with you
I want to drink with you.

There will be no burden of time
Ignorance,
So incredibly blissful
We’ll forget we live miles apart,
We live miles apart
So I drink

How can I forget you when I gaze up at the starry night and stare right into your eyes?
How can I forget you when I'm so used to your presence in the mornings that I subconsciously make enough coffee for two?
How can I forget you when the bed has gotten too big for me alone and your side of it has gotten cold?
How can I forget you when all my poems were inspired by you?
How can I forget you when I'm the one that has to turn off the lights before going to bed ever since?
How can I forget you when I'm so used to hearing those sweet, three words every day?
How can I forget you when you've carved your name in my heart so deep I doubt will heal completely?
How can I forget you when you bring out my true self?
How can I forget you I'm so dull without you?
How can I forget you when our song hits the radio every time I get into my car and there's no one to sing along with?
You ask me to forget you, but tell me, how can I?

I am trying to forget you

Really,
I am

I have been drugging my memory
Repeatedly
Every night
Drinking from bottles
Filled with liquid strong enough
For me to untaste you
I still do

It's funny how
Nobody mentions touch
As the most important sense
Associated with memory
I still feel you everywhere

Your hands on my skin
I am trying to erase them
Your fingerprints must be
Permanent ink
They are no longer visible
But I can still see them

I tie my tongue in knots
So that when I choke
On words
It will be on my own terms
I still cough up yours

I am trying to forget you
The way your voice sounded in my ear
Breathless and humming
I can still hear the ringing

You are the melody
I cannot get out of my head
The music that I cannot stop singing

I am trying to erase
The parts of you drawn onto me

I have gotten four tattoos
In the past three months
And two of them remind me of you

I am trying to forget you
But I purposely don't try
Hard enough

If I really wanted to
I would destroy the proclamations of passion
I once wrote to you

If I really wanted to
I would delete the pictures sent back and forth
Like ransom letters
Thinking my body could force you
To surrender your heart

I used to consider swearing
To be a holy thing
You swore on so much
That it is no longer sacred

Humans are incapable of certainty
I have bent my pinky fingers in half
Just to come close
To believing promises
But people
Always let you down
And disappointment
Is inevitable

Your salt lips
And iodine mouth
Left a burning sensation
From every cut that you made
In mine

I am trying to forget you
And the way you said my name
How you only said it
Quietly through phone calls
Directly into my ear
As if you didn’t want anyone else
To hear you say it aloud

I am trying to forget you
But it is not easy
The moving on
Is a crossword puzzle
I do not know the last answer to
There are fifteen spaces left
That I don't know how to
Fill
With anything other than you
There is so much empty
Left over

It is much easier to hold on
To memories
And remnants
Of what could’ve been
Than it is to accept
A definite ending

Our future
May be dead
But you are still
Very much alive in me

If I really tried
I bet I could forget you
But I don't think I want to.

I am alone now here at the bar
Beside me is a girl and a beer jar
I do not mind about the girl
Because my mind is now on swirl.

A shot of tequila and a lemon
Make a toast for being forever alone
Give me a another glass of ***
I am cold and I want to feel warm.

My heart and brain still feel the pain
Like I drank tons of liters of gin
Please make a drink for a heartbreak
And the bartender started to shake.

I tried all of these drinks and runaway
But still, I cannot drink you away
Give me another round of champagne
Just to forget and ease the pain.

I know a girl that got pregnant at the age 14. When she turned 15 a month later she had her baby. When she saw her baby girl for the first time she was so happy. The way the baby looked reminded her of the baby's father. When the baby's father saw her for the first time he cried because of how beautiful the baby was. He knew right then he had a responsiblity of another life. He knew he had to show his daughter the right way to live her life and so did the baby's mom. Well that happened just not the way you would think. The child had to go through alot to learn what to do and not to do and know how to live her life. She had to learn the way that was the hardest way she knew. She had to see her mom get taken away from her so much and she would be cry histarically for her mom she would kick the police and bite them to be with her mom. She didnt want her mom to go away from her. She hated having her step dad around becuase he was always so verbally and physically abusive to her mommy. She would watch her step dad hit her mom and leave her bruises. The little girl got abused when she was little by her biological dad twice. The first time she had to do a report and that is it and then went to fostercare. The second time she did a report and then went to the police station to get pictures done of the proof. Then she went home and went to school the next day. While she was at school the police came to talk to her and take more pictures. Then 2 people took the girl to a fostercare home and she spent 5 days there. While she was there her mommy was in jail for drugs. Her mommy was a drug addict and didnt want to come and get her. The only reason she did was because the little girl was going to be in perminant fostercare. If her mommy wouldn't get her. Her mommy and family would never get too see her. All this still haunts her but her life has gotten amazingly better. She has a job and is going to school and is going to graduate in 2012. She is a very determined strong independant women and hard worker. She loves kids and loves her parents alothough they put her through all that. She loves her whole family and would do anything to make them happy. She will protect them and take care of them. She also has 5 sisters and 2 brothers. she would take a bullet for them each and everyone of them not matter what she will always be there for them. Even if they do something she doesnt agree with or bad she will still always be there for them. That is what a true family member does for her family.

i know a boy,
     who loves a girl,
          who loves his best friend.

he tells me, "i want to know nothing but her lips."
i say, "take my nothing, i want your something."
he asks me why i want his something
because his something is loving someone
who isn't sleeping in his bed
and there is nothing more painful
than watching her kiss another pair of lips

but what he doesn't understand is that i want his something
because having something that hurts
is better than having nothing at all

all he has is love,
and i don't even think i remember how to love anymore.

there are nights
when i stare up at the open sky
and wonder if there's anything left for me
because i buried alive everyone who tried to love me

there are nights
when the darkness tries to swallow me
and i have to rip up my skin to keep it away from me
because my blood is the only thing that reminds it i'm still breathing

there are nights
     when i look at the boy,
          who loves the girl,
               who loves his best friend

and i realise
he's just as empty as i am

While I am sad we  turned out this way
I'm not sad to see you with another girl anymore
I don't worry you're thinking of me
I worry you're not happy
Because even though you pushed me around and made me out to be the bad guy
At one point I loved you
Therefore even though you treated me wrong I wanted you at the time
Therefore I will always want you to be happy
I don't want you with me
I want you with someone who will make you better.
I want you with someone who will call you on your behavior where I did not
I want you with someone who will make you hate yourself when you yell at her like you yelled at me
I want you with someone who is good for you
Like he is good for me