When your last days are here
all you will carry is what will  carry you too.
Your conscience.



Shell ✨🐚

Looking in the rearview mirror
To a simpler time and place

Everything much clearer
A smile on every face

Peace, love and Innocence
So safe in mother's arms

A time when every thought made sense
Sheltered from the harm

Looking up each day
My vision filtered child

Buried life, now packed away
Once lived, recorded, filed

So many thoughts
Not shared

So many words
Not read

So much music
Not heard

So much beauty
Not seen

So much time
WASTED!

You left me a bruise
the kind you don't realize you have until long after the incident.
A purple tinged skin of a mistake
from pushing too hard and too far
searching for love,
love that would never come.
I cried and begged you for you to want me,
you said you did,
but I saw those messages to her,
and the other girls.
You lied.
You never wanted me.
You only wanted ***
when I wouldn't give it to you
you left.
Left me hanging
from a noose
choking for life.
I screamed for you to come back
I would have given you my all
I was too late.
I realized it
and so did my wrists
as a blade met them
blood ran down my hands
as I left blood soaked fingerprints
on letters
you would never see.

I've shredded those letters now
its been over two years
since I promised I would **** myself if you didn't love me.
I took the crumped notebook and rusty razor blades
out to the trash and threw them away
without a second thought
like you threw away my heart.
The bruise has faded now,
the bruise you left me
the purple has faded to a yellow
you may not notice it at first glance
but when I push on it just right
the same deep-throbbing pain
as when I first received it
shoots through my body
I bite my teeth and curse your name
If it wasn't for your big brown eyes
I would have never gotten myself into that mess.

Do you have any idea the pain you caused me?
or were you too blinded by your own scars to see mine?

It's been one month since my last letter.
This month, I did not think of you, I really succeeded that.
Sure there is still certain things which reminds me of you, some songs, but I succeeded.

Your name leave no more that bitter taste in my mouth,
It doesn't play in repeat for hours in my head,
Your voice is a distant memory and your perfume is forgotten.
I still think of you sometimes, but it's different now, i am cured of you.

One day you will understand that I was made for you,
That I would have made you happy,
I would have give you everything of me, even  my soul.

One day you will regret,
You will think of it, vaguely, that it would have work, if you tried.

I can fly
Over there a moment is being buried
In the wink of a newborn
The child is blind

I can fly
Over there people of stars are marching
Across the street of wings
The stars are burning

I can fly
Above the buried moment
Like an angel of love
Just for you

I can fly
Above the streets of stars
Like a dying nation
It belongs to you