Am familiar with the sound of their laughter
Toward my physical appearance
Something I couldn't change even if I wanted to
But its okay
Am familiar with the ache in my heart
Every time they call me names and push me away
And I embraced those names and believed them
Am familiar with how they take steps
To step on my self esteem and trample my pride
And now my esteem is lower than my dignity
Am familiar with it all so its ok
Am familiar with the constant breaking of my soul and spirit
Anytime they befriend me only to use me
I know they will use me but I let them anyway
Because am familiar with it all
Am familiar with being treated like a rock
Because no one has shown me how a diamond is treated
Am familiar with the looks of disgust they throw my way
Because I believe I deserve those looks
And when I look in a mirror
I cant help but be disgusted with me too
Am familiar with peoples backs
Because am used to people walking away from me
That I have forgotten how it feels to be familiar with new faces
But its ok am familiar with it all
Am familiar with the ache on my cheek after a slap
After I fail to please people around me
Am familiar with the insults following after
Am familiar to giving up
I have been doing it for years now
Am familiar with hate
Because I have hated myself ever since I knew the meaning
Am familiar with giving selflessly and never receiving
Because who's there  to give me anything anyway
Am familiar with it all so its ok
Am familiar with the dead girl
Who always looks back at me in the mirror
Am familiar with her lifeless eyes
Her fake smile that never reaches her eyes
Familiar with the pain I see through the windows of her soul
Am familiar because am her
And she's I
Am familiar with wanting to end it all
With the want to take my life and embrace darkness
Am very familiar with hope
Hope someone will care
That I should hope a little longer
Am also familiar with the question
What will happen when I give up hoping?
But am familiar always have been always will be.
  -   poetry by Joyce Tshibasu

Hello there have you ever met her
They call her the broken angel
They call her the featherless angel
They call her the singed wings angel
But she wasn’t always that
Way back she was a beautiful angel
With beautiful white wings
Wings so bright they would blind mere mortals
With a beautiful unearthly face
A face that matched her heart
A heart so kind you could get lost into
And be happy to be lost within
Her wings were so powerful
They would fly her all over the world
And she wouldn’t get tired
But she was a lonely angel
Because many considered her to be perfect
Yes she was kind hearted
But her kind heart wasn’t enough apparently
So one day as she was flying around
She met another “angel”
One who looked sad and defeated
Her kind heart couldn’t just leave him
His wings were aflame and she worried for him
And so she gathered wind in her wings
And directed water to **** the fire on his wings
But it was too late his feathers were all gone
And he couldn’t fly anymore
And he started to sob and say
He was no longer an angel
And her kind heart compelled her
To try and clean the soot from his singed wings
And make him feel better
Oh broken angel how you regret that now
But even when she cleansed his wings
It wasn’t enough
With him it was never enough
He wanted more
He asked for more
He called her his angel
The one who saved him
And oh how he loved her so
But she could see he was unhappy
And she would ask him why so
Until finally one day as she finished cleaning his wounds
He said my wings are healing
But my feathers aren’t growing
And oh how I miss flying
The feeling of the wind so close
The feeling of being one with the skies
The feeling of seeing it all
Oh my angel how I miss it all
And his words broke her heart
And deep down she knew
She would risk it all to give him all
So she plucked a feather from her wing
And fixed it on his
And though it pained her so
The smile he gave after was worth it all
And so each day
Feather by feather
She fixed his wings
And it was never enough
Pain after pain
Plucking and fixing
Until she had few feathers left
Until her once white as snow feather
Were turned dark from the blood
And she couldn’t fly away
But he smiled that was enough for her
And so came the day for him
To try and fly
And fly he did and he never came back
And day by day night by night
She stayed awake waiting for him to come back
But he never did
And the kind hearted angel
Became broken with no wings to fly
And a heart that has bled and become dark
See she loved him so that she was blind
That with him it was never enough
Now she thought she had love
But at what cost???
She gave her wings to him
And he used those same wings to fly away from her
And not a day that passes by
Doesn’t she wish she didn’t love
That she didn’t feel
That she didn’t give
Now she’s not only the broken angel
But also the broken hearted one
Waiting for death to take her
So she wont feel so broken anymore
          POEM BY JOYCE TSHIBASU
Jojo.poetry

Sometimes life hits me hard
And people treat me harsh
Leaving marks and scars
Other days my health tears me apart
My heart betrays my mind
And my ears listen
To the meaning hidden in words
And i know i have done some wrong
But i also know i have tried to be good
But somehow karma always hit me
But forget when its time
To pay a visit to those who hurt me
And i wonder do you even exist karma??
If you do, do you hate me too?
Do you enjoy my pain
Like the rest of the people in my life
Or are you playing favourites
And you dont like me much
You have visited me even for telling a lie
But you let the devil in my life
Torment me day and night
They told me that you were a *****
They forgot to tell me that you were never my *****
Dear karma
Am sorry if you dont like me
But please play fair and pay my devil a visit

I believe in life after love
The feeling of joy in everything I see
The smile on my lips that only I could put
The feeling of the sun on my skin
The smell of a rainy day without mood swings
That strength of coming to life
Of feeling your heart heal again
And knowing that it will beat one day
But for now it only beats for you
The feeling of walking around town
With a genuine smile
And no sadness of seeing where we first met
The joy of seeing couples so in love and entranced
Knowing one day, someday that will be me again
Full of life, joy and love
All because I lived after it was all taken away
For with loving me, I will never accept less
In a way I’m glad you broke my heart before
Because of the great pain an even greater lesson I learnt
That love is never love if you don’t love you first
And now self love repairs my heart slowly and steadily each day
And it is a wonderful feeling I cant explain how wonderful,
And I believe in life after love
Because I lived before your love came
And I will also live without it
Because I have me, something you’ll never have again
- Jojo.poetry.

Been locked up
A prisoner
In that other prison
That prison I built
All on my own
Prison found on my island of mysoul
The tall walls around it made of self-doubt
The cells made out of low self-esteem
My cuffs made of self-loathing
My uniform made of depression
A material am now comfortable in
No one is my warden
Am my own jailer
There are no other prisoners
But I have hate, anxiety and pain
For company daily
This other prison serves
Guilt, mistrust with a sprinkle of loneliness
For breakfast
For lunch, we are served a plate of body shaming
And for dinner self negative criticism
And a midnight snack of insomnia
I sentenced myself
To life in this other prison
Though I walk around as a “free woman”
I am a walking prison
I could leave anytime
Its not that I don’t want to
Its that being here is easier
And I have grown comfortable
Now I cant get out
Of this other prison
Yes its lonely
No one visits or calls
The only letters I receive
Are from me to me
To remind myself
Why am imprisoned
And why I should never leave
My prison of guilt
My own custom made Alcatraz
My crime?
I listened to people
I trusted, I believed
And worse I loved
And was never loved back
Am suffocating
I want freedom, I want out
But cant seem to leave
This prison in my heart
       - Joyce Tshibasu

Have you forgotten who you are?
Has the world changed your mind set?
Do you doubt who your father is?
Aren’t you a daughter to a king?
Why won’t you believe you’re beautiful?
You put filters on your photos
But now you have filters on your heart
So no one could see how you feel
You smile a perfect smile
But you know you are breaking apart
Your perfect life
Demands constant upgrades
Demands perfect emotions
You cut off real friends
Replace them with people
You gossip about
But its ok society demands and approves
You’re so used to filtered life
That you’ve forgotten how to live
Your emotions are filtered
That you don’t remember
How it is to feel
You are so focused
To please others
That you have forgotten
You are a kings daughter
You have abandoned your throne
To please peasants
You have forgotten your origin
But is it worth it?
You only live once
So why live a filtered life
You miss your throne
But to you picking up your crown
Means losing frenemies
To you sitting on your throne
Means feeling and living
And some how that’s a bad thing
Because society won’t approve
Dear Queen
Society is a hungry bottomless pit
It will never be satisfied
It will never approve
All it does is take
**** you dry till you’re empty
As a Queen you have so much to offer
But you can’t offer much
While you care what society thinks
You must sit on your throne
And show the Society what YOU think
Because that’s who you are
A Queen who knows her worth
POETRY BY JOYCE TSHIBASU
JOJO.POETRY

After a long day of life
I get home put away my bag
Strip my clothes off and smile one last time
Go to the shower for some privacy
Because my room doesn’t allow that
And before i open the shower
I close my eyes and shut down for a sec
And its quiet and peaceful and dark
And I’m tempted to stay there forever
Then i remember my mama depends on me and open my eyes
As i open the shower and water pours from above
My eyes shower the bathroom with water of its own
And for a minute i forget what i was in there for
For a minute i silently pour my heart out
In the shower as i slowly slip to the floor
And i sob for the love i might never explore
I cry out for the death that i have been wishing for
I cry for the words that i was told that day
I sob for the insults that come my way
I remember how as i child i did everything to chase death away
And now i can’t help but call it to me
But not even death wants to deal with me in anyway
And in the shower I’m literally naked
Both on the outside and inside
In the shower i wash my dirt away
In the shower i let my vulnerability show
In the shower I’m never okay
Because i never knew how it feels to act my age
And as i scrub myself and rinse off
I put on the mask i have always known
Dry myself off while practicing my daily mantra
I’m “okay” i'm “fine” words I’ll say
As soon as i leave the shower and my ***** secrets behind
In the shower lies my confidant
In the shower is where I bare my naked soul
In the shower is where i get ideas of what to write next
In the shower is where i sometimes talk to God
In the shower is where my secrets lie
In the shower is where I’ll probably die

you used your powerful voice to shame and insult me
but when you stopped
my quiet and shy voice shamed me in your place
kept repeating all the mean things said
and now i hate me
but it was easier when the words came from you
but now that they are coming from within me the pain is worse
because i believe my quiet shy voice than your powerful one
Because your words i could ignore sometimes
But my words hit straight home
Because your words i could shrug off most times
But mine are curved onto my very being
And i now doubt everything i do
I doubt who i am
Because of the words within