Compressing my heart
Between the palms of your hands
Tear it into tiny bits
Until nothing else stands
Repeating the words under breath
Love me, Love me not
Debating with your heart
Careful not to get caught
Take heed in my words
And my cries in the night
Spew apologies with guilt
Don't take it too light
Distinguish for yourself
Between right and wrong
Boundaries and respect
Aren't particularly strong
Know my pain on the surface
Change nothing within existence
Haunted feelings unkept
Cause me to grow distance
Decide is what I want
But choice isn't simple
I won't be the one I know
Unfair and Unjust
Knowing too well
Hatred or rejection
I wish not to know
In silence, I shall keep
As feelings begin to grow
Wishing to love you endlessly
And for you to do the same
But I know its hopeless
As your voice still calls her name
A ghost he says
Floating about
An exorcist I say
Is what I'd love to shout
But I know more and more
That's impossible, I doubt
I just want your love with no strings attached
My heart already feels it, But I can't allow it to be unlatched
Secured in the vault, unwavering at its bolts
It can't, I won't allow it to be released
Not until the ghost is gone
Though that won't ever happen
Unless I want to become scorned.
I care beyond the brink of love
I don't wish to leave
But this pain that constantly echos
Causes me to grieve

Please...
Just don't hate me for feeling this way.

-

A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
lock yourself in a room,
scream until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your veins and bleed
until you know that your bones
are pure words and sorrow.
Act as if you slit your own throat
and all you can bleed
are your own regrets
and all of the darkness
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
tell her you're leaving
and you won't be back for awhile
Because being a writer is traveling
through all seven layers of Hell
and denying anything is wrong.
Forget loving yourself
when all you have is a pen and paper
fused to your wrist
and Jesus is tapping at your skull
saying turn back now.
Warn the neighbors that if they smell burning
It's just your soul
clawing at the front door trying to get in.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn how to lose everything you have
in order to feel release,
learn how to only feel deceased
from now on.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
don't

What if every little thought
That lives inside your head
Instead of hiding away in there
Was spoken out, was said?

Would you be embarrassed?
Would you hate your mouth?
Would you rather be mute
Than let the truth come out?

What if every little thing
That people thought of you
Instead of being tucked away
Was heard, was listened to?

Would you be ashamed?
Would you cover your ears?
Would you rather be deaf
Than let the truth come near?

And what if every image
That passes through your thoughts
Was freed from its prison
To roam until it rots?

Would you be disgusted?
Would you look away?
Would you rather be blind
Than see your thoughts at play?

He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come

Right-click and refresh.
My life is still the same.

Alt + F4.
Why am I still alive?

Empty recycle bin?
Yes.
Why can I still remember all the trash?

I hung myself on the ceiling fan.

Why is everyone crying?

Why are they not taking me to the service center?

I wish I were like iron,
Malleable and flexible,
But I think I am more a diamond,
Pretty but not very practical.