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Isabella Mar 2020
Tell me, is it really worth it?
To push, and ****, and cry, and hurt, and yell, and shout, and shove me in the dirt?

Tell me, is it really love?
To pressure, and manipulate, and press til I suffocate?

Tell me, are you really right?
When you say you love everyone, but I know you've got hate for some.

Tell me, is it really fair?
To judge, and shun, and never be done?

Tell me, do I have to leave? Just because... I don't believe?
Isabella Mar 2020
Excitement dancing in my heart,
A flutter, a butterfly, a gentle spark.
For giving and getting, it's just the start.
Of forgiving and forgetting until I'm left in the dark.

The season of snow, so white, so pure.
It's here at last, but not forever.
The gifts will vanish in time, I'm sure.
The real present is to keep loving, like we were.

For soon the tree will be all bare,
The presents gone like they were never even there.
Be sure to be kind, and love, and care.
Because that's what matters, that's what's fair.

At last hold on to my true words,
Remember them, as they were.
Keep in mind what you have heard.
The gift is you, and that I'm sure.
Another Christmas poem from last year...
Isabella Mar 2020
Colors swirling, whirling, 'til
They stop all movement, frozen, still
But watch the shades mix into grey
Until all life just... fades away
Isabella Mar 2020
Dear people I love,
I'm sorry I let out my stress on you.
(Because often it's the people you're closest to who get hurt the most when you're angry at everything but them.)
I'm sorry you have to deal with my uptight, stress-case, mess of a personality.
(Because some things bring out the worst side in you, a side you wish nobody had to see. A side hidden beneath smiles and laughs and true happiness. The side that's all your fault.)
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
(One sorry for the people you didn't mean to hurt.)
(One sorry for the air which absorbed your negative energy.)
(One sorry for your palms which have been dug into far too many times.)
(One sorry for your eyes which have cried too many frustrated tears.)
(And one last sorry for you. I'm sorry you have to feel this way, that you think it's all your fault.)
(But that doesn't mean there's nothing you can do to change it.)
-I. Quill
Isabella Mar 2020
My heart feels tight and fast and anxious,
When things are out of my control.
I feel a need to grasp at anything I can,
For when there is no sense of stability or familiarity or predictability,
I feel like everything around me will shatter into a million pieces.
Including me.

*

Maybe it's because I've had to take on this role my whole life,
This role of taking care of everything. Planning, being on time, making sure things line up.
This role that has been the cause of my stress.
Or perhaps it's because things have happened, in my past, that I had no control over.
And now I'm frantically reaching for something, anything, that I can control.
Isabella Mar 2020
Why can't you love me no matter what.
Why do I have to live my life tiptoeing over everything I do so I don't disappoint you.
Well guess what, you're already disappointed in me. Disappointed that I'm not who you want me to be, that I don't believe what you want me to believe. Disappointed that I can never seem to do anything right, because it will never live up to what will make you happy.
Perhaps you don't even realize the pain and pressure I feel, but I feel it. And it's real.
Those words, "I'm not mad. Just disappointed."
Those words hurt worse than you think...
Isabella Mar 2020
When you feel like crying, but no tears come out.
That's nothing like what I'm feeling right now.
I've sobbed for longer than I thought I could,
And feel much worse than I thought I would.
I feel so broken and so ashamed,
I wish I could be whole again.
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