Searching for an answer
This disease spreads like cancer
How can I breath when my heads 6 feet under water
Too late now every thing is changing
So forget this life(when you live like this)

I think in numbers and breathe the silence.
But all I ever constructed was violence
And beneath these words you'll find I'm a coward 
Watch as I'm slowly devoured
My life passes before my very eyes
With God as my only Ally
And come to my surprise I was baptized in this disguise
Searching to find a hope
someone with the antidote

My life has no meaning
conveying my thoughts on this blank cardboard
I am an architect  no matter  what they think
and I will change the world
But at what cost?

You've always been forgetful

You'd forget to turn the lights off
You'd forget to close the toothpaste
You'd forget your clothes in the drier
You'd forget to charge your phone
You'd forget to feed the fish
...

So I did all these things for you

You see, I was convinced that showing you was better than telling you
But you never saw it, now did you?

- Sometimes I'd forget to do all these things on purpose,
so I would remember how it felt like to be with you -

I secretly hope that you can't find your clothes
and your fish die
and your electric bill reaches a 100 billion dollars

Just so you could see
that I was good for you

You know what? No.  __
NO, NO
NO

I do secretly hope that your phone dies
and your clothes get lost
and your fish die
and your toothpaste gets dried up

But only so you could learn the importance of what I used to do
to recognize your faults
and to try and improve, not for me
but for you.

... and I'm not talking about the toothpaste here

You can't demonstrate the change you want to see in someone
if they don't even understand the error in their ways

and so,

I don't want to be the person
who struggles to forgive and forget

I want to be the person
who lives with no regret

knowing that us, ending,
was for the best.

and the best
of each of us

my heart has run out of tears to shed
it feels wrong to be in love anymore,
to want to be held in arms that make me feel safe
to be protected within the walls of your eyes seems like a desire burning in the cremation of my soul,
I have lost nights to your memories
my days are shadowed in the darkness of your words
butchering the core of my existence.

She's got a heavy heart,
a messy soul,
a reckless mind,
& I think it's beautiful
the way she carries herself.

I sit at the same table as you
and wonder.
Do you miss me
half as much as I do you.
Is there any chance
you would think of the past
and hope you had me
in your arms again.
You have seen all of me.
My best, my worst,
my regular sorry state.
I have put you everywhere.
Dreams, nightmares,
the past and the future.

I wonder if I ever meant anything to you.
But chances are, people love and they forget.
They forget the sun when the moon lays low
and when the dawn breaks it all,
they forget the night
and cherish the day.

It is okay, you owe me nothing.
It just hurts because you are everything.


-- Eleanor

He was my first mistake
I was young, impressionable
this was information he was well aware of

A soft yet firm peach torn from the branch before it was fully ripe
coarsely bitten into, intentionally bitten into
then discarded

The bruises on my knees and scrapes on my elbows remind me of that
He was the first mistake

Why I didn't change the locks
Why I didn't say no
why I didn't insist on no

Is this my fault?
Was he my fault?

He was a ravenous shark
and I even told him that
sharks have to eat too, he said

my mother always taught me not to talk to strangers
but Ted Bundy had an enticing smile and electric eyes

I changed the locks
I bandaged my knees
I should have listened to my mother

she's the color of

bleach down your throat

she knows all too well
the way stomach acid tastes

i've never seen someone

look

so

pale