I desperately want to be creative
But that makes me exactly like everyone else
. . . . .

I eat
Once a day
But I still eat

Probably too much
The scale sure thinks so

I'm so tired
People are noticing

There's so much lying
So much hiding

I'm done
Nothing is working
I don't want to be here anymore

Look around for a moment,
Nothing will ever be the same.
The light will never hit her face like that again.
The breeze will never blow quite like that.
Enjoy the uniqueness of right now.

he called me prince
when he said he loved me
the day he started his game
of manipulation and fear

i never loved him
never even cared
but he kept pushing
the word prince scared me

but one day you came along
you were different
kind, funny, sweet
i started to fall for you

then we kissed
in the heat of the moment you whispered
"my prince"
into me

and the word took on a whole new meaning

Last night
You saved me
You saved my life

I know I will wish that you never stopped me
Nonetheless, I am grateful

I'm sorry I made you cry
I'm sorry I brought the image of death
To your mind

Please don't cry
I never meant to make you cry

A long day
Bruised sides
Ribs visibly shifted
Chest swollen
Stabbing heart pain
But it's all worth it
Because someone saw me
As I am.
A man.

Everything has changed
You are my every thought
My reason
My Whole World.

I didn't realize
How close we would be
But you are
My Whole World.

You are the most beautiful
The smartest
The most kind
My Whole World.

9:32
something feels off
not wrong
but tonight will be rough

9:47
my chest hurts
so much
i feel trapped in this shell of myself

10:04
dizzy, shaking, afraid
laying on the bathroom floor
nobody can see me

10:12
ive started to cry
too dizzy to stand
cant open my eyes
my body is wrong

10:19
it will never be over
drying the tears
time go back
be who they want me to be

Perfection is an illusion.
Dont hold back,
Waiting for the perfect word,
Because you know that word will never come.
Why do we strive for perfection?
Its true that we get better-
Not through patience,
But through patience and failure.
We must stop holding back,
Knowing that progress cannot exist
While perfection pressures on.

Keep
P u s h i n g .
The further you go the better you are.
If you stop
you are
n o  t   h    i     n      g      .
You’ll never get into college
You’ll never be successful
You’ll never get out of where you are

You will
N e  v   e   r
be happy.

I was weight restored
But then
Something happened
I don't know what

I'm back to a low weight
Not my lowest
But low nonetheless
And nobody believes me

I'm asking for help
Begging for help
But even those closest to me
Don't know how bad I'm getting

It feels like
There is no escape
I'm too weak to recover
I'm too weak to survive

I understand that you are shocked
I know you are confused
But say something
Please
Say something

When you say nothing
Just get out and shut the door
A million possibilities go through my mind

Will he tell everyone?
Will he ever see me the same?
Does he hate me?

I had expectations for your reaction
Yelling
Crying
Blaming me for something I have tried to change
But your reaction is silence

And trust me, I have tried to change it
Tried to starve it out
Cut it out
Deny every feeling

Until i felt nothing

Nothing
Just like your reaction

I cannot answer questions you do not ask
I cannot reassure your concerns if you do not voice them
I can do nothing if you give me nothing

My sense of self was put at your feet
But you walked away
True, you didn't stomp on it
But you did not pick it up
You left me on the ground
Now i'm here.
Waiting.

Just please

Say someting

Hiding behind a wall of secrets
Kicking
Trying to get out

From time to time someone finds
The way around
They see behind all of the lies

A small boy
Curled up, afraid
Trying to get a glimpse of the other side

And when he finally sees the light
Words like she and her
Push him back

He finds that it is best
To rebuild the wall
Return to hiding

And go back to pretending
That he is happy
How people see him

And those who saw
Behind the lies
Forget that she is really he

It seems nothing will ever change
Until the day the wall comes down
And none of it remains

what is an ocean?
why do the waves crash?
what makes the tide come in?
why do the rocks and the shells change in that way?
The effect of the water is clear.
Moving at its own pace
With no regard for how much each movement
changes what surrounds it.
And changing itself in the process.