i went to pour hot

water into my

mug but i was looking for something else

and i missed you

but i could have sworn you were right

here a second

ago i guess it’s one

of those

you had to be there moments

you should have been there moments

i thought you would be there moments

why weren’t you there?

moments haha like

going to a party to see a single

person who turns out

not to be single at all or

that time i reached for your

love and there was a hole

in my pocket


i can’t even remember where we fell

out in the first place

A closed door with a goodbye
Is easier to accept
Than
One abruptly slamming
In your face.

Feed me a question darling milkmaid
Not the nourishing liquid but a perplexing
Openness of the vast curve with a dot
Dropped like an atomic bomb
What is left after all the ties are cut?
Is there a but or an and or maybe...
Multitude of dots to signify
My directionless struggle
To abandon the uncomfortable
Safety with it’s dangerous allure
And grotesque predictability
Promising to swallow me whole
As if the dark void inside I can’t let go
Has substance beyond any measure
What is left of the dairymaid
After the king is settled for what was
Expected
Of someone else
That he never was
And they never knew
And she never spoke up
Waiting patiently
For her women’s share of beating
Hated more than hell
So powerful she was in her
Dangerous powerlessness
Until the last breath
She held herself under his thumb
Proper girl, ******* held by the brackets
Of what others couldn’t comprehend
And the ear already heard
And the eye struggled to find
Spontaneity buried 6 feet under
The past of shameful
Helplessness
The burning bush
The king proclaimed
A shameful rhetoric
Which held none of his
Essence

when you say you like someone else
I retaliate with silence and made up faces
of calm and i-could-care-less

"haha that's so funny"
smile
you're not thinking about this
you are not thinking about her
you are looking at his eyes
(stupid eyes that look at another's)
smile
don't grit your teeth
smile
oh he's holding your hand
did he hold her's like this too?

smile

get rid of that sarcastic face
he is looking at you
and he is holding your hand

smile.

Wrap me in paper.
Adorn me with ribbons.
A tag addressed "only for you."
I shall offer the most fragile of gifts, myself.

I am the child of purification and destruction, wafting through the air, an omen.
Let me dust your lips and sting your eyes with my gentle caress.
Curl me around your fingers and stroke my tendrils in envy--
Alas, you can never hold me.
You can never capture my essence.

I am the product of scorched earth blending with broken promises.
Let me steal your truths from your tongue that you guard so carefully--
Wrap you up in my arms even though I fear smothering you with my kiss.
I wish I could hold you.
I wish I was more than this.

But I am just smoke.