If even only for a second things could seem clear, I would choke down every last drip and drop of alcohol in this unfreezing world.
Every last drag and hit of each and every intoxicating drug.
I would reveal every single one of my addictions through this shallow looking glass to inspect for the rest of my life.

Including this addiction and drug we call love.

turn your back
but stay in view at the same time
(now look away,
anything else confuses)

stand still without saying a word

you can’t see but this is how
i separate day from night

and the starless sky
from the empty heart

I remember everything we ever said and did. We both had our problems, and we both made mistakes we sometimes couldn't take back.
I will forever hang every mistake I ever made over my head. Yet, the only mistake I could ever hold against you, was this.

Couldn't you have thrown me down just a little harder? So I wouldn't have had to bounce back, so I could have just cracked instead.

A road without road signs and faded paint, with ways that lead to every wrong direction. And we drove on that deep black ice throughout the night.
A dance that was no fun, and left a feeling of dissatisfaction, filled of bitter patterns. And god, it left us dying for water.
A recorder, with eyes that were too close together, and a mouth that would only open for a kiss.
The tape I played choked you up, and you died alongside me.
I had become what I never wanted to be.

No matter how many times I could write about you leaving, no amount of words could ever prepare me for it. I never knew what I would do when that day came, I put myself into so many scenarios. I suppose at least I no longer need to test myself.

The answer all along was nothing at all.
There was not a **** thing I could do.

In my school,
     is where her aptitude
     was viewed
     in grades,
     and girls in heels,
     leered in contempt,
     and even attempt
     to fake a smile
     in her direction.

In my home,
     is where her heart isn't,
     where her own mother,
     never forgets
     to mind her own mess
     and never asked
     her reasons why
     and fakes a smile
     in her direction.

In my room,
     is where a girl,
     sits in front her mirror
     who left this note
     on the floor,
     as she took too many pills,
     finally peace fulfills,
     and fakes a smile
     in my direction.