Over the last few weeks,
I prayed to the blood orange sun,
That was setting beneath the pastel backdrop,
And tinted clouds.

I asked for the peace that I've been searching for,
Only to find gusts of wind,
And lack of warmth,
Be the response.

If love washes up
on your shore again
Will you pick it up and let it stay
or will you look at briskly it, say no
and go your way

Pains of past adventure
are not easy to erase

But my dear
I hope you'll
let this new love stay

That day will always be my last
My last smile
My last pieice of innosence
My last day with my old name
My last everything
Now i am Alie because that is all i would say when i was 3
The day i was adopted all i said was 'a lie'
So my new parents called me that
i know i have a twin out there my mom told me so
Only i was put up for adopting not her
She probably wasnt abused by her parents
Mine was physical from my dad
Emotional from both
She probably doesnt have a rediculous fear
She is probably perfect unlike me

The constant vacillation around decisions that bind
The eternal struggle between heart and mind
Choose your virtues, and let them serve you
They may not confine you, but they will define you

Rise above in courage and faith
Stand your ground, bite no bait
A circle smaller, but what does it matter
True friends you acquire, unhand the admirer

You'd do away with all things shallow
If you are to rest easy on your pillow
The sun will shine bright in the morrow
And you'd rise again to be your hero

the more I ignore it, the more it grows
and every time I hide it, the more it shows
things are getting complicated day by day
whatever is happening to me, I couldn't say

would you dive in the deepest darkest ocean,
or go to the moon without any reason?
I know, for you, Its a waste of time
but I would do it just ta save my mind

I know there is no cure for this kind of desease
even the doctors have a never ending list
of people who died with their eyes open wide
witnessing the world that left them behind

people are afraid of things they don't know
and numbers of depression isn't getting low
don't know when or how it will be mended
but I hope its not too late or another life will be ended.

I think maybe I would have liked
To have been loved gently
But I sunk
With broken knees at your alter
Pledged Allegiance to a false god
Who spoke the Old Testament like it was truth
And the hands that were wrapped around my throat
were dipped in holy water
so even in death I was blessed
He will preach
To all the women he has turned into sin
Say -with a soft caress across my check
That echos and vibrates off the walls
Like the silence after a gun shot
“If you love me you’ll do this.”
manipulation comes easy to him
Hand to God
he is your salvation
And no one will ever love you like he does.


- He can’t be your salvation
- Because you already saved yourself