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 Jun 2016 Eloi
SøułSurvivør
they say
that you are lazy
a glutton and a fool
no matter how you slice the roast
people can be cruel

I have a weight problem            
have had all my life            
on the yo-yo string of failure            
folks, words cut like a knife            


perhaps you saw my avatar
I was slender as can be
but now my weight is up again
and I cannot be me

unless I show my picture                
as I am right now                
I want you to see me                
I want you to know                

I'm as pretty now my friends
as I've ever been
my weight is not an issue
and it's not due to sin

I was on some heavy meds                
Haldol and Xyprexa                
so I'm a little overweight                
I have a little extra                
              
so check out my avatar
check it out and see
I may be a "weighty matter"

but I'm still the same ol' ME!


SoulSurvivor
(C) 6/9/2016
I was put on some pretty heavy medication because of my status as a targeted individual. I had a run-in with the "Church" of Scientology. They did everything in their power to destroy my life. I am not bitter about this. My experience helped me in some respects. But the psychiatrists were very irresponsible. They put me on Xyprexa when I weighed 280 pounds.
That medication is known to promote weight gain. I ballooned up to 360 pounds.
They left me on that med for over a year. I'm not saying that I'm not totally responsible for my condition though. I should have contested these decisions the doctors made. But basically I'd given up. Because I never needed these meds I had every side effect in the book. And one of the side effects for a lot of these medications is weight gain.

I'm not letting it get me down. I'm going to a wellness camp and exercising daily. As much as I can with Stage four arthritis in both knees. The weight gain did that to me  too. My attitude is good. I just need to have prayer that I can forgive these doctors and the people who started this ball rolling in the first place. Before all this happened 20 years ago I had lost 140 pounds to be as thin as I was in the avatar that you saw on my profile a while back.

I will try to read later today. It seems every time I start reading something comes up. So be patient with me please! I do care about you all and I want to read you. Not just because I want "likes" or reads. I just love poetry!
 Jun 2016 Eloi
Polar
Carpe Diem
 Jun 2016 Eloi
Polar
With a voice oak rich in timbre

Deep like the rumble of the seas

And tired by the weight of the years

He told me of his life

How he came from the hot lands

Inky in places with mahogany trees

Where the sky at night

Became so dark

The whole was illuminated by

The moon and stars

He told me of a simple life

Where hard work

And nature's bounty

Were all that was needed

To get by

Recipes handed down

Were used as remedies

To cure aches, pains

And life's maladies

Where family was all

And neighbours would call for aid

knowing kindness could be repaid

As and when

He spoke as if time itself was on his side

And when his eyes closed at last

It was time itself

I wanted to defy
 Jun 2016 Eloi
Stephan
Out of ink
 Jun 2016 Eloi
Stephan
.

I was going to write a poem
but I just ran out of ink
I had the stanzas lined up nice,
I know I did, I think

It said how much I loved her,
and that she had gone away
Rhymes about my broken heart,
how it was here to stay

One verse filled with crying,
those endless falling tears
While hiding neath the covers
afraid to face my fears

Another said I miss her,
my days had all turned gray
There was no sun, there was no moon,
just sadness on display

I mentioned how I need her,
life will never be the same
Saying I was sorry,
that I knew I was to blame

My entire world is empty
and I couldn’t take much more
She’d always be my every thing,
the one I would adore

I really hoped to write it,
though I know she’d never see
These feelings that I’d write about
so deep inside of me

So now I’ll just forget it,
nothing else to do, I think
Except to sit here with my pen
that’s just run out of ink
 Jun 2016 Eloi
Pretty girl
Eat?
 Jun 2016 Eloi
Pretty girl
When you eat yourself fat it makes you lose your appetite
so you get a job and it makes you think too much
So then you "forget" to eat
My life changed forever the first time I skipped dinner
Now my stomach isn't growling
It's cheering me on
Come on girl this is a sign that you are strong
Do you want hip bones or food?
I want to hear people behind say "look how skinny she is"
Because all I hear is skinny
Forget the skittles and lollipops
We want to feel comfortable enough to go out in a tank top
I wake up and my head is light like a feather
I want to be picked up bride style
And it's embarrassing when you're too heavy
Think light thoughts
Like the wind and sun rays fluttering around the world
Leaves slowly falling from trees
We want Photoshop in real life
People ask "have you been eating?"
That's a sign its working
One day I won't have to **** in
Hollow is good
Less space to take up
 Jun 2016 Eloi
Sjr1000
There is a cold wind
blowing outside,
into the graying,
an apocalyptic sky

The lamps are lit
The night descends
it comes as it always does
My table is cluttered
with wadded paper
scribblings saying nothing

The hanging question you asked
remains
"What is your heart's desire?"

The light it flickers
Throwing shadows on the wall
So eerie at first,
So familiar after all

Fantasies
Phantasims
Hypnogogic imagery
A trance like state of mind

Many lifetimes pass
None of them mine

What is your heart's desire
It strangles the mind with possibilities
Waiting for the tell,
the tell that might never come.

You asked me
as we left the foggy meadow
"You who speak so highly of the little synchronicites,
But what is your heart's desire? "

I rise with the sun each day
My path laid out before me
I do this and that in order

Each night as the dark descends
The day's vivid light has vanished
I stare into this lamp light
and wonder
what is my heart's desire.
 Jun 2016 Eloi
GaryFairy
homeless
 Jun 2016 Eloi
GaryFairy
he said that he was homeless
on the other end of a telephone
his momma said she'd send her prayers
but prayers can't build a home

he has always known this
to be lost in a nowhere zone
from his birth there was no one there
and he was left so all alone

he said that he was homeless
she said "well, you're on your own"
it was hard to know that no one cared
only love could build a home
 Jun 2016 Eloi
RatherNotSay
She was born just like all the rest,
When nothing seemed to be a threat,
But as she grew, day by day,
Her normality began to fray.

And soon her mother would be told,
That her life would be taken into the threshold,
Of a disorder that robs everything,
From a future that could have been riveting.

As she grew older, she lost all abilities,
But an angel is what they all see,
During life her opportunities became slim,
And then she lost control of every limb.

She never got to ride a bike,
Or learn to drive a car,
She never got to take a hike,
Or go out to a bar.

She never got to go to prom,
Or even paint her nails,
She never learned the words of Psalms,
Or told her most fascinating tales.

She never went on a date,
Or walked down the isle,
She never got to meet her soul mate,
Or even run a mile.

She never got to put makeup on her face,
Or order her own meal,
She never tied her own shoelace,
Or show how she did feel.

Her life was mangled by something cruel,
That acted like a menacing tool,
But she could always stay so calm,
Even when she was being brutally attacked by Rett Syndrome.

By: Aisling Spellman
For Alyssa, Rest in Peace.
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