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Aug 2020 · 579
A Transgender Man
Elliot Aug 2020
Whenever I look in the mirror,
I see Frankenstein’s Monster.
Where am I ?
Dissociated somewhere,
but hell,
even I couldn’t tell you where.

My eyes are no window to the soul
because my human vessel lost it’s soul
a long time ago
I found it,
shattered in the depths of my mind
in so many pieces,
I can never be whole again.

But is that what I want? Or
what society wants me to do?
to pass as a human,
to pass as a man.
Is that who I truly am?

So caught in the webs of preconceived
notions I’ve been fed all my life:
You are not a boy.
You will never be a real man

Well, *******!

I am untangling myself from this web,
leaving the toxicity behind,
surrounding myself with
the sunshine I deserve.

You can judge me all you want
Just know;
I am the one who is truly free.
Apr 2020 · 223
I am Frankenstein's Monster
Elliot Apr 2020
I am Frankenstein's Monster.
Only, I wear a veil.
It hides me from view.
Sometimes it slips,
reveals a glimpse of me.
People see, they run, they cry horror.
I am Frankenstein's Monster.
Dec 2019 · 258
Elliot Dec 2019
After all the pain
I can't help but think
Is it truly worth it?
Aug 2019 · 179
Elliot Aug 2019
Being here time stops for me
Everyone else is getting on with life, going to work, going on holidays..
Me, I am stuck
Aug 2019 · 189
I am worthy!
Elliot Aug 2019
Oh you monsterous voice in my head don't tell me otherwise. If I ever get to grasp ahold of you I will tear you to pieces, showing no remoarse.
For the time being I'll have to let you exist.
I will show you how strong I truly am, till you are deminished to nothing more than a spec of dust.
depression suicide
May 2019 · 2.3k
Us Suicidal People
Elliot May 2019
We don’t see the carrots to be cut,
We see the sharp knife that could cut us.

We don’t see the bridge,
We see the other side of the railings.

We don’t see painkillers,
We see medication we could drown ourselves in.

We don’t see the train,
We see the tracks we could lay on.

We don’t see the nice view,
We see the cliff's edge we could jump off.
Dec 2018 · 291
Elliot Dec 2018
I am not alive
I am merely a vessel trying to survive
Oct 2018 · 207
Elliot Oct 2018
the inevitable will happen
I can't take this anymore
I'm in too much pain
Just know it was a long time coming
Sep 2018 · 138
Mental Illness
Elliot Sep 2018
You can't just stop thinking that.
You can't just stop feeling that.
You can't just stop being ill.
Aug 2018 · 285
Elliot Aug 2018
It takes everything from you

Your eyes, unable to see beauty
Your hands, unable to be creative
Your ears, unable to be loved
Your feet, unable to keep moving forward
Your mouth, unable to ask for help
Your nerves, unable to feel
Your soul, unable to be alive
Jul 2018 · 406
Hope dies last
Elliot Jul 2018
Cling on to it, hold it dear
And you will persever
Jul 2018 · 1.1k
Mental Illness
Elliot Jul 2018
It's an incessant battle between you and your own mind.

You can't just stop thinking that.
You can't just stop feeling that.
You can't just stop being ill.

Nobody can do it but yourself, you have to learn to heal yourself.

It takes hard work and dedication.
It takes a lot of patience and frustration.
It takes the right therapy and medication.

And above all it takes time and hope.
Jul 2018 · 762
Elliot Jul 2018
All you want to do is end the pain but how do you do that without hurting anyone
Jul 2018 · 187
Elliot Jul 2018
It's an inseprable bond
Not a simple relation
No, it goes beyond
It starts with a strong foundation
A brunette and a blonde
Jul 2018 · 199
Elliot Jul 2018
We are the authors of our own lives.
We decide which people's stories we start reading.
And one day we meet the book we've been looking for all along.
Jul 2018 · 999
Please kill me.
Elliot Jul 2018
Please **** me.

I've been suicidal since the day I was twelve
Can't seem to escape the voices
There's no place for me here

Please **** me.

This is as good as it gets
And it's bad
So bad

Please **** me.

Guess I'm used to it all
I think it's normal
That anyone could live my life

Please **** me.

I'm too cowardly
I won't do it myself
But I wouldn't mind you doing it

Please **** me.

I am sorry
It was never my intention to hurt you
I just can't take it anymore

Please **** me.

This sounds like a suicide note
It isn't
It's a wish

Please **** me.

I am sorry

Please **** me.
Jul 2018 · 793
Elliot Jul 2018
For a while I didn't notice you
Slowly strange thoughts started invading my head
At first I ignored you
But you started eating at my brain
And little by little the thoughts
You were feeding me took over
I begged you to stop
But you wouldn't listen
You just grew bigger and bigger
Making me weaker and weaker
I have fought you for years
And all I've achieved is fatigue

I wasn't raised a murderer
But thanks to you I might become one
Jul 2018 · 176
Elliot Jul 2018
should I quote
the suicide note
that I wrote
or is you seeing me enough?
Jul 2018 · 844
Voices, I miss you
Elliot Jul 2018
I miss the voices inside my head
they all seem to be dead
you were always there
and it wasn't fair
at first you scared me
knocked me on my knees
then I learned to ignore
stop waging a war
we became one
and a new era begun
I heard voices for well over 3 years and now with my new medication they're gone I became so used to them that now in an odd way I miss them sometimes
Elliot Jul 2018
It’s hell.
You’re living in hell.
Every day your hallucinations and delusions carry you futher and futher away from reality till one day you’re totally engulfed by them.
You watch yourself fall deeper and deeper and then you crash.
And it’s like you’ve never existed, nothing has ever existed.
You’ve become this empty vessel controlled by your demons.
Dec 2017 · 514
Elliot Dec 2017
I cannot feel,
this isn’t real.
I can’t get out!
I can’t get out!

I swallow the pills,
‘cause he tells me it kills.
Still can’t get out!
Still can’t get out!

Stomach’s pumped,
contents discharged.
I can’t get out!
I can’t get out!

Doctor says it’s severe
then why am I still here?
Come get me out!
Come get me out!
Sep 2017 · 352
Elliot Sep 2017
I got on the windowsill
Because I had lost my will.
I was glad
To have a chance at ending the bad.

Yet, I was hesitant
Even though I felt so irrelevant.
There was a lump in my belly keeping me alive,
By telling me that one day I’d strive.

The inner battle began,
I wanted to follow my plan.
But the lump grew bigger and bigger,
Telling me to regain my vigor.

What should I do?
Say my last adieu?
I couldn’t bear the pain any longer,
But in my belly the lump was growing stronger.

The lump known as hope
Is the only thing enabling me to cope.
Hope makes the terrible seem bearable,
Makes us believe that the unbearable is reparable.

Hence, I got off the windowsill.
Jul 2017 · 1.0k
I am tired
Elliot Jul 2017
I am tired of conforming
I am tired of smiling
I am tired of covering up
I am tired of pretending
I am tired of fighting
I am tired of being tired
I am tired of life
Jul 2017 · 286
Elliot Jul 2017
Dear Chocolate,

You come in many shapes and sizes,
Sometimes with fillings full of surprises.
Whether you're dark, brown or white
You never fail to make my day bright.

Now that you're so close at hand,
I'm finding it hard to withstand.
I'm sorry, you're too good of a bait
It's now time for me to annihilate.

— The End —