your tongue down his throat stabbed my spine
and your fingers in his hair tore the veins in my wrist
you smell like his cologne and i want to stick ******* down my throat
when your hands intertwine like vines on a gravestone
remember me six feet under

pacify my mouth with a white-knuckled fist
and kiss my scars with a tongue void of emotion
squeeze my knees together with hands too bruised to hold
with my shaking fingers
will the knots around my neck
  squeeze me like you do
    and leave bruises like you do
the ends of your hairs tickle me
along the sides of my neck
and tell me to scream
tell me to scream
scream when you leave me alone after dark
scream when the burn of alcohol no longer stings my lips
scream when the bags under your eyes turn into luggage
    stationed next to the front door
your hands around my neck tightens like the knots never could
and the luggage looks like heaven
and somehow i find myself in the inside of your suitcase

his grip on my thighs become the reason
i lie about the boys of summertime
and their sweaty hands that trail my tan spine
which turn into sharp knives come wintertime
as snowflakes fall to the hardened ground
i remember my body against yours
and the burning embers of our red love
in fall it dims and dims and dims more
until its black against the white ground
black like the nights we snuck out our homes
and found each other with the white of flashlights
the sun rises before we're ready
winter comes before we're ready
our burning fire turns to cold cold ash

When I was younger I've been on the receiving end
Always getting what others got for themselves
Now that I'm older I see myself giving in
I question why some people are kind to me
How could they when all I am is negative energy

I dreamed a world where I could wish on a shooting star
When I looked at the sky I wondered where the stars were
My demons held me down until I felt a pain that's sharp
I gasped for air woke up in the dark

I would rather live than be alive forever
Living for myself is my only desire
If Autumn ever comes around to change my mind
I know then I can happy and leave my past behind

Move like water around the rocks resting in a stream
Is how I live never overcoming anything
To move like birds in a forest that's so green
Is how I want to dwell before I am deceased

I dreamed I surpassed everyone's expectations by far
To imagine such a reality seemed too bizarre
Every time I want to move forward, all I can feel is the walls in the dark