It's a delicate thing
To talk about suicide
Apparently you can't talk about it
Without wanting to do it
You can't reminisce upon the feelings
Without falling down the hole

Even if you're feeling
Ten feet tall
Fully equipped
Metal fists
At the ready
You still can't talk about it

Other people don't want to hear about it
They all assume
That you'll do it
Even if you don't want to
Even if your metal fists
Are feeling secure
No shake in sight
It'll make other people
Uncomfortable
Insecure
Scared
Even when you're not

I have all I ever wanted
It is a dream come true
All I ever asked for
A family, a home, a life so full

It is beautiful as I look in
Sunshine beaming and sleek
Like heaven on earth made just for me
Nothing more to seek

Or so I thought

Darkness swept over my eyes
The agitation hit suddenly.
Crawling itching skin, as if I was sick
Infected with a virus no one could see

Happiness where did you go?

I saw sunshine and smiles
Everyone beautiful as God or Goddess
Then suddenly like a swarm of flies
I was taken under pulled down into darkness

It was like being eaten alive
Held under and drowning in death
Pulled on, dragged down, held there
Clawing, gasping for a single breath

I watch it all from outside my tomb

As I watch myself pleading for help
I see dirt falling on my head
I have nothing to give to assist
I have no rope to send

There is nothing left to give

I can only watch from the outside
Numbness fills my soul
With total fear and terror that I cannot feel
A loss of all control

A million hands pull you down
Sinking numbness suffocates like dirt
The darkness burning as you breath it in
Knowing pain without feeling the hurt

Still fighting with health at zero

I watch myself die over and over
Only to find that I am still alive
The swarm bites and claws
Will help ever arrive?

I don’t believe it anymore

Somehow with nothing left to give
I am clawing, gasping to breath
How long can I go.
Guess I'll have to watch and see.

Like the broken glass of a window
Shattered to pieces
A million bits laid out for show

Sweep me up and throw me out
Please don’t
I beg, I scream and shout

I promise to shine in the sun
Sparkle in light
I’m better than what I’ve done

I am not trash to be swept away
I am more
Hear me and what I say

I will not be the glass as before
I cannot be
But a new creation to love and adore

See me in the glistening light
Uncovered
The darkness I’ll gladly fight

Broken with no return to past
No not true
I’m breaking out of this cast

No more restainsts or darkness
I tell you now
Don’t be so heartless

Let me try to do better
I swear it
I won't be a scarlet letter

Like the broken glass of a window
Let me shine
I want to rebuild, so please don’t let go

Then when it comes
Let me depart
This dream
Dreaming-

Place the cold
Needle
Into the weakened
Arm
And allow the
Vessels to flow
Dreaming
Beyond-

No bags,
No hideous machines
No drooling in corners
Nor sleeping in ****.

Then,
When it comes
Allow the departure
From this sallow
Short being
Be dreaming a dream
Of no longer being

I'm bored
Dead silence wife and kids
Are out visiting cousins
A sudden knock on the door
Ecolocated like bats do
The invasion was welcomed
With ***** and beer
Poker and aces
The joy on familiar faces
Memorials fantastic places
Nostalgia backtracked
Vinyls out crispy tunes
From high noon
To high moon
Friends run a cheery way
The magnificent seven
Lived to see another day