*******.
I'm trying to write and it's all about
You.

I am tired
Of writing about you.
I don't want to remember
Your hand in mine.
I don't want to think about
How you kissed me
Or how you touched my face
Or how you called yourself
Superman.

I'm done
Writing ******, sad poetry
About you
As if you hung the ******* moon.

What makes a hole in your chest
doesn't **** you
but
makes you feel like you're dying
over and over
again

Tonight the lights are on and the night is surprisingly warm
and despite the joy, the smiles
and the merriment
The thought of tomorrow still makes me cringe
Like how the Grinch hates Christmas
I hate how the season always reminds me of what's left, what's missing and what has changed
And how lonely it is to be a skeptic
when everyone else believes
how awful it is to know that all of us
are pretending
so no one will know how the dark clouds are consuming us
and no amount of presents or kisses or hugs
is ever going to fill that void
and despite the Christmas sweaters
we still feel cold
despite the smiles
we still feel like frauds
with our hearts
growing molds

maybe i like the way he makes me feel wanted and worthless at the same time. maybe i like the way he breaks my heart but stitches it back together with his kisses. maybe i like the way he never calls me beautiful, but the way he looks at me when i enter the room sends chills down my spine letting me know he thinks so. maybe i like the way he sends me home crying until 4 in the morning and texts me telling me he loves me two hours later. and maybe, just maybe i like the way he hurts me. maybe i put up with all of this because i'm just too scared to loose him.

i may be jump starting
into a fast play here
but this ain't no ordinary game
i’m playing,
i ain't got no geechee tricks
up my sleeves
or a curve ball in sight,
with you
it’s just me and my straight pitch

so imma throw it to ya
like this

i’ve been traveling
across the court
waiting for you
to be wide open
for me to free throw
this to you

i love you
man

did you see that pass?
that shot i made
all the way
from half court?
you gonna
catch it &
come over here
slam dunk it
like i want you to
or let these words
rebound off your chest
like a third rate player
with uncoordinated hands?

cause right now
its the third down
in the last quarter
baby
& you still don’t see
how much yardage
you have gained
&
I'm still waiting
for you to
intercept me

dontcha know,
i wanna do
more than
just sack you?

but
don’t get it twisted
this isn’t some obsessed
lovesick fan
aching & destined
to show up
at your door
like a groupie
unannounced
cause
i’m not about to chase you
this ain’t track &
i don’t run after nothing
that can’t catch up to me
first

but ****, don’t you know
i’ve got words for you papi
like goaaaalllll
& oyeeee
i might let you play
in my centerfield
but only if you can come
kick it hard enough

i wanna know
how do you
wanna
play this game?

There it is,
your infectious laugh!
catching me off guard and pulling me into light
smiling glints of warm in your eyes
every slight, every insult lashed upon my grace
forgotten,  melted away,
lost in that throaty yet light warm chuckle,
oozing charm and charisma every time
I am lost in your joy,
hug me close and make me feel alive and real
kiss my love with your soul
wrap me in your happiness
its the only kind I live for...

You and me meeting was it a coincidence?
Or was it a sign form above
Battle scars we both carry on our shoulders
Received it in a war called love we all got hurt
Hearts and souls both got crushed and left to rot
That’s what I thought till I first laid my eyes on you
Your eyes looked deep within my soul, and saw the person the sleeps inside
Your smile was the kiss of life that my heart needed
My mind went blank, as the blood in my veins rushed to my heart
The wound is healed, and the seal has been broken
Words I never thought they would come out of my lips
Came out gushing as a river  
I love you