My mind thinks of the worst things I could do to you
The worst person I've ever met
With your slander
And lies
I could destroy you
And I want to
But I won't
Because then I become you
And I could never forgive myself for that.

jagged illustrations
silent film
predestinations
oft fulfilled
split decisions
we just don't grasp
their lasting effects
coupled with the weight of the past
getting ahead of ourselves
or is it just me
simples pleasures spoilt
cause i can't not overthink

Mum says “light a candle, burn some incense”
but mum my inner sense is the only thing stopping me from burning myself to the ground because I can’t stand the light anymore.

Nan says “your'e too bright to be depressed”
but the bright sparks that flicker of a memory that is dark, and the flame only reminds me that everybody I love is someday gonna die.
But mum..... nan...... i’m not afraid of the dark, that’s the problem.

It’s hard to have fun when i don't feel like having fun.
Don’t get me wrong it’s not that i don’t want to go to the party,
I WANT to go to the party,
but i’m stuck in an abusive relationship with depression and anxiety and they talk me out of going.
Cancel plans last minute, making up a physical illness,
because "sorry I'm too depressed to see u" sounds utterly ridiculous.

i can see it now
you'll pick me up at the corner
just like you used to
and we'll drive down the coast
heading nowhere with no cares
and the salty pacific wind
will weave through our hair
and make you laugh the way you do
from the bottom of your chest to my smile
you'll play me songs you found
and stowed away for this moment
like tiny treasure boxes of gold
with "i love you" inscribed on the side

this is what i dream about
this is what gives me peace

i never thought i would miss it so much.

When we dream
we take down a book
from the shelf
of ourself

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."