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I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.
The original quote "I dont know how many times I survived myself, without telling anyone else.", which triggered the whole poem was written by @deadwatered. A talented poet I follow on tumblr.
It's funny really.
How much you can learn about a person from their art,
and then realize....

You never really knew them at all.
In the End, It will all fir together.
 Dec 2018 Constantia
Ally Ann
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
lock yourself in a room,
scream until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your veins and bleed
until you know that your bones
are pure words and sorrow.
Act as if you slit your own throat
and all you can bleed
are your own regrets
and all of the darkness
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
tell her you're leaving
and you won't be back for awhile
Because being a writer is traveling
through all seven layers of Hell
and denying anything is wrong.
Forget loving yourself
when all you have is a pen and paper
fused to your wrist
and Jesus is tapping at your skull
saying turn back now.
Warn the neighbors that if they smell burning
It's just your soul
clawing at the front door trying to get in.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn how to lose everything you have
in order to feel release,
learn how to only feel deceased
from now on.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
 Dec 2018 Constantia
Jack P
This hidden gem
Forgets how to shine bright
Keeps shielded a shimmering soul.

This hidden gem
Is hidden in plain sight
Disguised as a lump of coal.
the type of rhyme friends would scoff at, and honestly, same
Once a magnificent tree
Now and old and used tissue.

I am truly sorry
But I know how you feel.

To be used by people -
To have the purpose of
Absorbing others' emotions and waste.

Then to be thrown in the trash
Without a second look or doubt in mind.

Were quite similar you and me.
tissue tree used emotion waste doubt you me sorry
Please, don't look at me.
Don't smile, or talk to me.
Please, don't treat me like you have a care in the world
Or in the least, want to know my world.
I gave you a choice to make
Knowing it would end like this.
I put myself on the edge
knowing I would fall.
The burden. Torture.
Its time to stop.
you know.
It really hurt.
But I am glad you didn't save me.
because when you left
I remembered how to breathe again.
 Dec 2018 Constantia
Octavio Paz
The water hollowed the stone,
the wind dispersed the water,
the stone stopped the wind.
Water and wind and stone.

The wind sculpted the stone,
the stone is a cup of water,
The water runs off and is wind.
Stone and wind and water.

The wind sings in its turnings,
the water murmurs as it goes,
the motionless stone is quiet.
Wind and water and stone.

One is the other and is neither:
among their empty names
they pass and disappear,
water and stone and wind.
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