I never cared much
For winter
The trees huddled
Like orphan dolmens
Shivering under
The cold slate sky
A capstone quoit.

It is the silence of it all.

An attic in a house
Dusty with dead memories
And whitened scars.

It is the deadness of it all.

But what would life be
Without problems?
Demasiado cómodo
And what would spring mean
If it did not follow winter
Because the whitest light
Is nothing
Without a thread
Of darkness.
And what would love
Be without pain
A marriage of comfort.

It is the mix
In the life
You live
In between
The Tao of it all.

I realized a killing fact that I can’t ignore the way my Heart is operating!

I can literary see its components whether the arteries, the size and the blood going inside it!

Although I know its God’s creation and it is what differentiate humans from being inhuman!

I’ve thought I managed to express myself through my writings especially when I signed up for Leadership program and came back from retreat one!

Yesterday…I did Marma session and she told me “You don’t express yourself much!”…”There is Anger that is not expressed out!” As if someone slapped me, tell me wake up it is not a dream!

I went back home smiling with a fake smile! Talking with unfelt words! Replying to your posts without being fully present!

I felt lost in the space of illusion, the illusion of “Failure”, the Illusion of “Emptiness”….Leading me to Question everything I’m doing, that let me have a feeling that I’m about to lose "Faith"!

Out of nowhere, I started realizing what kind of music I'm listening to and those phrases hit me:
“The little girl standing in the rain
And she's all alone on the bad side of town
Now she's searching for a friend
Just to hold her when she cries
In her lonely nights, lonely nights
Where no one seems to care
In her lonely nights, lonely nights
You better beware
But baby you try and you try
But it seems that it doesn't work
Cause love is a game that they play
So baby hold on to your heart
When they tell you that they care

And somewhere in the night
There's a little cry
A girl who says
Hey I wanna die
There's no one here who cares
But if there's someone here who understands
Just someone here who'll try to lend a hand
And bring her home tonight, tonight
In her lonely nights...”

In another words, I was hushing that child inside me from searching for the hand! That friend or a person who can lend me that hand, thinking “Where no one seems to care”!

Those of stinky thoughts always hovering around me, and another song hits me also:

“I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
What have I become?
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
I will let you down
I will make you hurt..
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way”

I’m longing to sleep peacefully, and not to wake up with a feeling that there is some obligations needed to be done/settled somewhere for someone else but not me!!!!

I won’t share other versions of songs, it is creepy but funny how I was hypnotizing myself with a structure or life style without noticing the impact, however at the same time I’m grateful for the “Emptiness” and not the “Shallowness”!

What I’m confident of, is that my feelings had nourished my intuition to be at a higher level!

I just wanted to sleep deep! And I might have no answer to whatever question might come across your mind.

Anyone can help!

Thank you.

Walking on pebbles
turning them to
grains of sand
An angelic finger
points to me
from the sky
pinching my skin
with dull nails
I point back
and close my eyes
feel the shoreline
and get goosebumps.

I remember cuddling
in your arms
the whole night
my ninth birthday
my ear infected
with painful fluid
I watched the clock
with your eyes
wincing in pain
But your words,
colored with comfort,
turned my focus
"I want to stay
up past midnight
with you mommy."
"It's your birthday,
stay by me
and don't worry."

Today, I remember
that night with
flowers of vivid silence
and a diamond bouquet,
filled with nine geraniums
to be exact,
for all the birthdays
that I've spent
without an ear infection
or an angelic voice
to comfort me
But I still
feel your arms
and their warmth
around my chest
like a kangaroo
pouch in the desert.

This is your day
Pour a margarita
Let's have a toast
for your wings
of holy wisdom
that help keep
my feet afloat.

You owe me nothing but to breathe.
To remember how I tore my heart in
Two rendering a

Blood Eagle to stretch its wings and
Tickle our souls with its sticky feathers.
When I think of us, I see us as we were.

Other people than now.
Memories framing themselves like a
Fantastic painting the artist

Stepped back to admire, then died.
Hang me. Hang me before i hang
Myself.

Dramatically opposed to drama.
Uninterested infatuation.
Broke billionaire.

Mortal gods shaking divine hands
With decomposing composers,
Thanking them for the silence.

We were lovers and enemies, and
I'd still give my life and afterlife to
See you worship another as if I

Never left a fingerprint on this
Planet; resting as safely in arms that
Love you unendingly,

As we all lie sleeping; dreaming
In our own, stronger arms,  
Forgetting that even our loving

Is imaginary.
Death is awakening.
Rubbing the

Eyes of our souls and yawning,
We look up and smile at that which
All of this is a bleak and fleeting

Shadow of.
Plato knew.
When I wish to die, I do too.

This love is not Love.
It's all mud and air.
You owe me nothing but to breathe.

We stand
Arms length
Hands like soldiers in the night
Wanting something better
Than the rumours of the world

Listen to the beat
The stamping feet
The parade rhythm of life
Tearing us asunder

The kind of etheric dance
That makes you stay up
Late at night with wonder

Longing
For security
An in-breath
Becomes a bullet
Shattering illusions

I hold my breath
Hearing you near
Body exhales;
No more fear

As the flames and smoky fire
Consume our souls
We melt the wire...
Yet still a connection stands
Electric voice screams
A heartfelt song,
Carried across victorious lands
Singing 'we will never forget you...'

Afterward, fumes fill the air
Birds sing along the creek
Silence crashes like symbols
As I read your last words
'We only depart to meet...'

Whatever you offer the world
It offer back to you