All these thoughts that fill my head
Bringing up past memories again
Crystal clear images visualised through these eyes
Once a lost moment in time
Now lay before me
A replay, rerun, on all the wrong that I had done
All the words I sprayed they were displayed
In a mantle case, Dumb things I once said
Wish I'd erased them from my head
They keep creeping up on me
A person I wish I'd never been
Seems it keeps bringing me to my knees
Why can't I let it go
I'm better now than I was then
I'm just a mortal man
That makes mistakes
In all these perfect ways
And all these silly things
Plague my mind
Distorted images through time
Remember when?
That is when memories come flooding in
All these questions we face
At random times through the day
The What If's and Buts
Still, linger in each one of us
No matter how much that we refuse
There's gonna be a time
In which you reflect
And question things you've done
It's not silly, It's not dumb
It happens to every one of us
It's all of those things
That we are, who we are today
And no matter your flaws
or what mistakes that were made
I'll still hold you in the highest embrace.

How do I communicate when lyrics
Were what I wrote best
But everything I write is not good enough
For this situation and the pressure of the anticipation
Like will she understand what I mean?
Will this be enough to make her realize and see?
But nothing that's coming out is worthy of this
That why it's being torn up
There's not enough soul, enough heart
And I can't break these boundaries anymore
Maybe I should just give up on it all
But your hurting so bad
And it's affecting me
And when you're mentally blank and don't know what to say
I'm afraid of hurting you even more than you already are
Try to type another text then I delete it again
Because you're just not talking to me
But can't you see that I know your hurting tonight
And all this emotion is killing me inside.

Went through so much together
Until you hurt me so much
Had to leave you
Before there was nothing left of us
Day by day, things got worse
Friendzoned from mistakes I made
Not saying I didn't deserve it, still hurts
Can't say, you aren't always on my mind
Everything that could have been
Now a distant memory
Didn't want me in all the ways I wanted you
After everything I said
After all the assumptions that ****** with my head
Even after all of that, Even after hitting rock bottom
Still, want you, Still, need you
I was better when I was with you

Even after all the ways
you broke my heart
I'm still in love with you
You're everything I see
You're everything I dreamed
Even after all the ways
You shattered my soul
I'm still in love with you
And I hope you understand
I still want to be your man
I still want you to be my world
I still want you to be my girl

And maybe this all falls on deaf ears
And maybe you'll never read this
Put it in a letter, just so you know
All that you mean to me
Maybe one day, you will see
I was sincere in these words I wrote
Maybe one day, you will see
You should have been with me
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you
There's no distance that could stop me
From making it to you
Even if you're sent to heaven
I'll follow you there
Hell couldn't hold me back
If I was what you wanted
I'd be there
With you is where I want to be

Even after all the ways
you broke my heart
I'm still in love with you
You're everything I see
You're everything I dreamed
Even after all the ways
You shattered my soul
I'm still in love with you
And I hope you understand
I still want to be your man
I still want you to be my world
I still want you to be my girl

And I'll never live down
The hurt that I caused
And I was stupid
For letting go
Of the one girl, I truly loved
And they said to have faith in
“Gods plans”
But, I questioned his plans
With the way we ended
All I'm left with now is what “ifs”
and a longing for your touch and kiss
And I hunger for your graceful gaze
And the way you light up my face
I miss us and the way we talked
I miss everything we were
But most of all I miss you

Even after all the ways
you broke my heart
I'm still in love with you
You're everything I see
You're everything I dreamed
Even after all the ways
You shattered my soul
I'm still in love with you
And I hope you understand
I still want to be your man
I still want you to be my world
I still want you to be my girl

©2018 Written By Benji James

Hello, Hellopoetry...
It's been a while
Since I posted last
Don't worry
I haven't been sitting on my '***'
I've just been busy pouring 'Love'
and 'Light' back into my 'Life'
I've been doing things I dream about
Beneath these stars,
Hope glistens in the distance.
I may not have had much time
To write new lines
This is just to check in
So you know I'm alright.
I really miss you guys!
Your comments and love
Refuelled my fire
It made me determined
to aim 'Higher'
I've been doing things
I never thought I'd do.
And Hellopoetry it's all because of you...
This community binds
together through the darkest times
I urge you, Don't ever give up
on whatever it is you love.
For if you give up, you'll find
In the back of your mind
A regret that never fades.
With a little nudge and push
I found some new motivation
To retry and build a new creation.

Benji...this is your conscience speaking...

"You'll never be good enough for her,
Who are you kidding?
You aren't attractive enough,
To obtain her love.
What are you thinking boy...?
Why are you trying to destroy
everything left inside yourself.
Do you want to be addicted to this drug?
Better stop praying to the sky above...
Get back up Benji, move a little faster
or this storm is going to catch up with ya.
I know you don't give a f**k,
But you better start
Or you'll end up back in that slump
and this time...I'm not sure you'll get back up
And pull yourself back out of that dump."

Resurrect everything inside of my soul
Reignite that light, that once shined
Bring me back
So I can fight, let me find
That parts of me that I lost
in the dark
Give me the spark
to restore life to my heart

Just can't seem to get a grip
People all around me
Are gritting their teeth
Waiting for my next slip
Trying to anticipate my next trip
That just ain't cool...
Why don't you worry about yourself?
I don't need your help.
I've dealt with everything else on my own
People catch me in public
speaking to myself
I'm just talking to the inner me
trying to work out my inner being
Haven't you ever been confused?
Feeling self-accused, hurt and bruised.

Resurrect everything inside of my soul
Reignite that light, that once shined
Bring me back
So I can fight, let me find
That parts of me that I lost
in the dark
Give me the spark
to restore life to my heart

"Benji look at you now...
You crashed yourself into the ground
You tried to rebound
Back from the darkness of life
You just drowned in the blackness inside
You are losing parts of yourself
Every time you're inflicted with pain
Your soul melts
You die a little more inside
You're trying to ride this tide
But you keep running out of time
So you better decide
If you're willing to climb
This jagged cliff edge
One last time."

Resurrect everything inside of my soul
Reignite that light, that once shined
Bring me back
So I can fight, let me find
That parts of me that I lost
in the dark
Give me the spark
to restore life to my heart

©2018 Written By Benji James

She's sitting alone in the dark tonight
You haven't seen all the tears she cried
You haven't seen all the wounds she hides
She keeps her deepest feelings inside

And she'd stand for him in the pouring rain

Just so, she could be in his arms again

If he left she'd never feel the same

He's the blood that flows through her veins

In her heart is the place he'll always remain

The girls trying to keep her, head held high
She's trying to hide her tears behind a smile
And every time he looks her way
She hangs on every breath he takes
She takes in every word he says
She tries so hard not to break away

She tries so hard to shelter her heart
The girls loved him from the start
She's afraid to let him see her flaws
She's not brave enough
To let him through her walls
The broken hearted girl stands tall
While she anticipates her next fall

This girl could cave in anytime
This girl feels invisible all the time
She's trying so hard to show him the sign
That she wants him by her side
And it's only a matter of time
Before she decides
Whether she'll stay his prisoner tonight
She'd give everything to break out of the chains
But she's still burning in the flames
And she still feels the shame
She feels part of the blame.

The girls trying to keep her, head held high
She's trying to hide her tears behind a smile
And every time he looks her way
She hangs on every breath he takes
She takes in every word he says
She tries so hard not to break away

She tries so hard to shelter her heart
The girls loved him from the start
She's afraid to let him see her flaws
She's not brave enough
To let him through her walls
The broken hearted girl stands tall
While she anticipates her next fall

Regrets we've all had a few
But the girl doesn't realise
The boy is hiding things from her to
She wants to make a change
He secretly calls out her name
The mascaras running beneath her eyes
She's wiped those tears a million times
But it's alright to cry
Over the boy too shy to give her his time
Over the boy who misses all the signs
Over the boy who can't see her dying inside

The girls trying to keep her, head held high
She's trying to hide her tears behind a smile
And every time he looks her way
She hangs on every breath he takes
She takes in every word he says
She tries so hard not to break away

She tries so hard to shelter her heart
The girls loved him from the start
She's afraid to let him see her flaws
She's not brave enough
To let him through her walls
The broken hearted girl stands tall
While she anticipates her next fall

©2017 Written By Benji James

She feels like her world is broken
She's always felt she's been outspoken
She's trying to send the signs
To say she's not alright
No one can see her pain
(Behind mascara eyes)
No one knows the battle she fights inside
(Behind mascara eyes)
And no one looks beyond her smile
They would see she is crying
On the inside
(Behind mascara eyes)
Can you feel the hurt deep down?
Your trying to keep strong
Your trying to hold the faith
But with every hit
Another part of you breaks

Yeah you feel like fading
Skies are turning grey
And the suns been blocked out
by the cold hard rain
But after the darkness
There is a new dawn
There are bluer skies
On the other side of this storm
Come on your gonna get through it
You know that you can do it
We are gonna get through it.

Situations a rise
And you feel like your life
Is like a runaway train
And your never gonna catch up
With yourself again
You've felt the doubt
Like your trapped in a hole
And you can't get out
You thought you were grown up
But you haven't done that much
And sometimes it feels like your not good enough
So you feel like giving up

Yeah you feel like fading
Skies are turning grey
And the suns been blocked out
by the cold hard rain
But after the darkness
There is a new dawn
There are bluer skies
On the other side of this storm
Come on your gonna get through it
You know that you can do it
We are gonna get through it.

You've been cut down to size
Way to many times
You've thrown your heart out on the line
Only to get rejected or denied
They say it's all apart of life
You wish upon stars every night
Holding on hope that it can
only get better
Your looking for that smile
You haven't felt in a while
That one true happiness
That you felt as a child

Yeah you feel like fading
Skies are turning grey
And the suns been blocked out
by the cold hard rain
But after the darkness
There is a new dawn
There are bluer skies
On the other side of this storm
Come on your gonna get through it
You know that you can do it
We are gonna get through it.

©2018 Written By Benji James