stone-blind to suppress
the poison that enlivens a soul
how cryptic a fool you become
to see erroneous fantasy
to chase a false reality
wake up and see the aftermath
Love, is a mischief
oh, hold your horses- apathy
a broken dream
and you are entrap

I have spent my life running
away from everyone in it
It has almost been two decades
but it feels like centuries have gone by
since the last time I took a break
from racing the wind
My legs have grown tired
My hands cannot seem to stay still
I try to sound strong
but my voice still cracks
and my breathing comes out in shakes
I have learned
that when you grow used to something
living without it feels like
trying to breathe with no air
So I keep running
From sunrise to sunset
Closing doors
and burning bridges
leaving no trace behind
of where I'm headed
mostly because I'm not sure
where that is
I run, though my legs tremble
Because my heart has known
the pain of change
Eventually I'll run myself
into a grave

We find ourselves always stuck in the between- the middle of a breakdown, the middle of a fight, the middle of a decision.
In the grey's instead of the blacks and whites of life.
In the undeveloped part of the film; the damaged part of the film.

Have you ever sat in the middle of your living room with a bottle of wine  and the windows slightly open in the middle of winter thinking about life?
I have.
Have you ever sat in the middle of the street in the middle of the night and wished silently to yourself this would all end if one car just turned that corner?
I have.

There's that word again... "Middle"
Which is such an ugly word the more I sit here and type it.
I want to be at the beginning of something.
I would even settle for the end of something just so I could restart again.

I have a hard time focusing on the present, which is also the middle of your life.
I'm always stuck in the past or wishing for the future...
Then again... I am the damaged part of the film.

I am the negatives that will not get developed for another couple years.