She don't live here no mo’
She left me lonely n cold
She took a part of my soul
The only part that I know
I look in the mirror, reflections unknown
Cuz I don't know who I am, hope I don't lose control
Drugs got me addicted
love has been evicted
From my heart that's been afflicted
Got my Chest feelin constricted
Ready to fight
Feelin hella defensive
but really I'm jus defenseless
Livin’ life jus like a misfit
Sinning to live, got wisdom to give
got these jewels that I drop jus listen to this:
Love will get you killed
blood will pour and spill
and thugz will mourn but still
The pain will resonate
the drugs and all these pills
will turn change into hate
And all the love you feel
will die and slowly fade
turn numb from all the crime
Somewhat like doing time
cuz ur trapped behind bars cuz love left, said goodbye
It's just a stranger
closely kept by danger
and this anger will alwayz linger
locked up in cages
unleashed in stages
random; cannot contain it
no one will understand it or feel how the pain is
so loves is gone
packed up, left me alone,
no one home
and I'm asking where did the love go?
and it shows cuz I ain't the same
tryna hide all the strain
Feelin trapped in my brain
smoke these blunts for the pain
it's kinda hard to maintain
cuz I'm supposed to be strong with no one else for the blame

I used to sit here all alone and contemplate on my life and the emotional crisis I bestow upon my very soul.

My favorite spot in the neighborhood.

The wind would blow as I sit here listening to the creak from the metal chain as this tire swing swung.....

Swung me away from this reality as I laid on the tire, eyez facing the clouds, the white swirls mixed in the baby blue canvas as the smell of the tan bark filled the air with its aroma.

Then one day you joined me.
My best friend.
My first love.
That real love.

I held you close and inhaled the scent of your hair. Held you tight because you were mine. In this deep trance called love but at that very moment I was falling deeper and deeper into your spell. My heart pounding.

Conversed about our future.

You mentioned that one day you would want to own the sky blue three story house across the street. The house with the white stairs and the sun face painted in the tympanum of the pediment. We admired it from the tire swing.

We sat on that swing and I held you for hours. I never thought that one day I would let go.

Your “about me” says: ask”, but I don’t know where to start.
Your intent wants to “date but nothing serious” at heart.
But I wanna know more,
my ambition is to learn how very ambitious you are.
The 3 photos attached to your profile inspired me to write this scribe.
Hoping I don’t come off as corny cuz if I do I’ll be dying inside.
But I’ll shoot my shot, slide in ya DM and hope the best of luck.
And I ain’t goin lie, I’m digging ya style, you look **** as hell without your pictures showing too much.
Eloquent features, soft lips, but are your eyez filled with pain?
Cuz the pics don’t depict a smile, please don’t take that the wrong way.
I wanna get high with you spiritually and **** the **** out of your thoughts.
Make your spirit bust as ya soul gets wetter from every idea that was sought.
I wanna kick it, share uncontrollable laughter, go on adventures and get lost.
What’s the cost?
Free thinker, free thinker, are you thinking I’m too soft?
Nah never that, I’m just not afraid to show emotion in which this generation is currently at fault. Their lost.
Doesn’t mean I’m in love with you, doesn’t mean I’m not guarded and ****
Doesn’t mean I’m tryna lock you down like Wayne and mya and have you fallen and ****
But I am interested like whoa, who knows it could be destiny
Even though I wanna see how you put that thing on me, I can’t let you get the best of me
I wanna know everything
from your first love to your last
All just because I’m captivated and your “about me” says “ask”

So I ask.... are you intrigued as well?
Or am I looking  for love in a wrong venue?

We went from “who loves orange soda?” to take a shot for me.
To waiting in lines at the DMV, from waiting in lines at the school dance like “bruh hold my spot for me”
From N64 controllers to leasing a Toyota Corolla
Dealing with these adult life problems we don’t have no control of

From pillow forts to the rents due
From action figures to hopes of six figures
From razor scooters to shaving with razors
From love letters to car notes
crazy right?

The only losses we worried about were argued through Rock Paper Scissors.
Now we worry about losing jobs, material things and on the news daily we lose our brothers and sisters.

The only pain we felt was scraping our knees on the concrete.
Now we scrape change tryna pay the bills hoping that our ends meet.
I wish I could go back, I close my eyez with my memories and feel gratification.
And the thing I miss most of all at that tender age is my imagination

I can’t believe I couldn’t wait to get big

I smiled today....
I smiled today because I remembered your smile. How infectious it was like a plague but was able to cure a sickness, a smile that came with a glow in your eyez.
A smile that was contagious and was guaranteed to make me or others smile. A smile that was a sight for sore eyez.

I laughed today....
I laughed today because I remembered how your laugh sounded, how it was music to my ears in a uncontrollable hysterical sense.
To the point where our faces turned red while holding our sides so our ribs don't split.
How your laughter echoed in a room as the sound was intertwined with mine.
And how such laughter was filled with happiness and joy for that timeless moment in time.

I frowned today....
I frowned today because now all I have is the memory of your smile.
I time travel in my thoughts searching for that sight and realize how life is so fragile.
I don't see it physically, I can only see it with my eyez closed.
Hoping that I never forget how it looks as my memory fades when I grow old.

I cried today....
I cried today because your laughter can no longer beat my ear drum.
I can no longer hear the vibrations of your voice, I now have to imagine the sound of your laughter because you’re gone and no longer to hear from.
I cried today and those tears were lead from a frown.
Remembering how your laughter was hysterical made me cry hysterically cuz I can no longer hear that sound.

But..... Today, I smiled.
I smiled today because of you and it's been a while....