No more words are coming out of me.
Maybe its a sign that my heart is moving on.

Im just waiting for the day he comes back
To hear the reason why he left
To finnally have the closure I crave
To finnally say goodbye.

I use to shiver at the sight of 18
I use to frown
I use to cry
I use to drink
Now
I laugh
I smile
I thank
I cheer
Moving on from you was finally accomplished.
I’ll love you forever within.
My 18.

Thank you for walking away. Today mark another unkown year.


     -Aztec

" I wonder if he can taste your name at the tip of my tongue "
- Aztec

Maybe creating new memories wasnt a good idea
Maybe i shouldve stayed to my self for a little longer
Maybe I wasnt meant to be in love ever again.
Maybe I wasnt ready for this
Why is everything so complicated?
I hear the alcohol calling.
Im coming.

I still think of you when im drunk.

Seeing her in her prime made me feel small. She’s beautiful and breathtaking, and I can see why it would be so hard to forget her. Knowing her before she blossomed would’ve been an honor—to know her deepest secrets, to understand her struggles—but not knowing her successes is brutal. I get it. I feel you. But my heart, my mind, my soul crave that connection too. You crave her, you miss her, and I can’t escape her. Her, her, her. Without her, there’s no us. Without her, I can’t fight for you, and I wouldn’t want to. I crave the destruction of my self-worth as I stay with you, watching you admire her from afar. You’re here with me, but you’re really here without her.

I don’t know why my heart loves you so much. I don’t know why my soul cries for you so much. I don’t know why my brain can’t erase you. It’s just my self-worth asking, aching for freedom. I know the love I’m capable of giving. I know the love I’m giving and not receiving. I know the love that will hurt me. I know the love I deserve but don’t crave. I wish it was me instead of her. I wish she’d disappear so I could finally have you to myself. But without her, there is no us. Without her, we can’t prove we belong together. Without her, there’s just no us.

I'm almost home
to the drinking
to the sad music
to the missing
&
The crying
To the praying
&
To the sadness
It's all I ever known
So I call it home.

He was like Judas
He came into my life like a friend  
He came into my life and showed me trust
He gave me everything I needed
He was like Judas and decided it was time
His kiss was his goodbye.
He was like Judas and left me asking why
He was like Judas and that was his beautiful
Goodbye.

- Aztec

I wished you’d tell me you miss me…so i can know that I’m not wasting my time missing you.

" Only the moon witnessed the moments I savored"

I miss him cause he showed me how to be treated.
He showed me that if someone really wanted to see me they will
If someone really cared they’ll show it
If someone really loved you they’ll tell you
He showed me how someone who truly wants to be with you will sacrifice and make it work.
Yes we did end but it was all peaceful.
He was literally put in my life to show me how to be treated.

I want to thank you
For opening new doors for me,
You helped me discovered new music that helped me cope with your absence.
You helped me get that promotion in my job that I put my time in to, to not think of you.
You helped me run to my new lover arms
who reminded me im beautiful and worth something.
So thank you for breaking me
Thank you for letting me know theres always something better at the end.
I just hope someone breaks you even worse to get the very best you deserve.
- Aztec

I was destroyed
I was numbed
I was crying
I was holding my phone on my chest waiting for that vibration to act as a electric shock to my heart...
HOPE
I couldn't  eat
I couldn't sleep
I couldn't feel
After that night Everything felt distanced
" But I was so happy" I would tell my self
I would question my beliefs
I would question all the sins i've done
I would cry out "Im sorry" to the people i've hurt unintentionally.
But I realized he was Judas.
My own Judas.

Regardless how happy I am. I will never believe words. I will never give my heart and soul to the fullest anymore. I will not give my self or let anyone give me  false hope ever again. I will **** before I break.


        - Aztec

Today marks the day,
The day I grew the courage to speak to you.
The day I got so tired of missing you.
I sended that text at the same time you used to call me
3 A.M.
The amount of relief I felt on my chest ...
The peace that was in me ... I regret not savoring  it as much.
Those 5 minutes of waiting in a more civilized way, with out craving anything not your words or your voice.
Not caring if I was even going to have a chance to see you or kiss you or if this was going to solve anything.
But you called and my peace was gone.

I'm so tired of hoping that your happy with me.
I'm so tired of praying that you'll stay with me
I'm so tired of trying to be your it girl
I'm so tired of holding in my anger
I'm so tired of bitting my tung to not say words that would ever jeopardize us.
I'm so tired of being tired
& Yet I stay.

I want you to love me
I want you to just love me more than I do
For once I just want to be loved unconditionally

it’s so hard to keep cheering on someone
when all they do is show you why to stop.
It’s harder on you because you know how             much potential they have & what do you do from there? Do you stay to show your loyalty or do you leave like everyone else has in  their life ? It’s not your priority to stay and they didn’t ask you to either. But what do you do?

" Even in this cold I can still remember the warmth of your hands"