My Boy
That's what I call him
The one who can make me smile just by sending a single message
My boy, just those two simple words
But they mean the world
Knowing I get to call him those
Knowing that he is my boy
He makes me happy even when the world seems dark
Makes me feel alive
He gives me a spark
I'm forever grateful to my boy
And I hope he knows that too

Sometimes I sit
Staring at the ceiling
Wondering how you would react if I told you
Just exactly how I feel
Back then you'd probably have said you felt the same
Maybe you did, that was a lifetime ago and I can't remember
But would the response be the same now?
If I told you that you're on my mind so often
When I listen to love songs they're on my mind
But so are you
I don't think you'd feel the same
But that doesn't mean that I still sit and hope

Every day of my life is spent
Waiting
Waiting for them to realize
Waiting for her to turn around
Waiting for him to come back
And it's not as if I'm not used to it by this point
I can put up with the waiting I've done it my whole life
All six thousand, eight hundred, and thirty three days
I just don't know how many more will be spent waiting for the day
The day that my mother gets sober
Waiting for the day that I feel safe
Waiting for the day when i don't have to wait anymore
When I can just be me
Truly and freely
Without fear, without remorse, without regret
Spending time with those I don't have to wait around for
Putting the past behind me, where it belongs
And looking to the future, not waiting for anything
Just content
Holding out for something better than this
And so I wait
And wait
Gods know how much longer but I can do it
After all, it's all I've ever known
And for all I know, it's all I ever will

I lay in my room
It's 11, the time when I normally go to bed
Staring at the ceiling and thinking of them
of our late night conversations
bonding through those deep things that we somehow share
trusting each other more than almost anyone else
I think of them with fondness and compassion
With love and adoration
I wish that I could tell them just exactly how I feel how much they mean but I feel as if I did they would leave
or be uncomfortable
and I look at them and think that no they'd never leave never
But I still don't want to take that chance
So I smile on as they tell me about him
About how they feel and I am happy they've found someone who they feel about
Someone who gives them the same feelings that they give me
Someone who maybe, just maybe, cares and feels the same way about them
and I smile and feel so happy that they can have that feeling
Even if it means I must sit in silence

Growing up in this home isn't all it seems to be
Seeing others praise my mom even when she's mean to me
Finding joy in simple things like socks or earrings
Before finding joy in a group of queens and kings
I may not be the perfect daughter or average kid
But I am being who I want to just like my cousins did
I am a strong man, an amazing boyfriend, a lovely son
And if you don't agree with that then you and I are done
I'm not a daughter not a girl
not a sister not a pearl
I'm a boy good and true
And if you don't believe that I don't believe you

fly away
fly away and hope for brighter days
fly away and hope that those who scorn you will listen to what you have to say
because you're words have power and you deserve better than what they've given you
maybe if you fly away they'll give you a second chance
and maybe you'd have found romance
if they hadn't made you
fly away
fly away
fly away

February gone
March comes
Stay inside
Masks washing clean away
The months quickly flash
April
May
June
July
August
September
A job
School
All still inside
Masks masks masks
Clean, away
Death so much death not just from this pestilence
From other things
War
Suicide
October
Older
November
Still waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Will the waiting
Ever end?

"I love you"
I say, one last time
Making sure you hear that from me one last time
Right before I take the blade
I press down
Deeper
Deeper
Deeper
Till the red flows
Down
Down
Down
Drip, Drop, Drip, Drop
Decorating the floor in a fancy pattern
One only made in this special way
And one I hope will end it all

I close my eyes, trying to sleep
Trying to get rest cause I know
I know I need it
But then, as I do
They start creeping in
Closer
Closer
Closer
Till I'm surrounded on all sides
They devour me
Piece by piece
Till I'm nothing
Nothing more than a memory
And shouting in the void
I try again
And again
I tell them
I'm fine
Yeah, I'm sleeping well, just tired from life
But it's really them, creeping
forever closer

Tears, crying, a gentle shriek
Trails of blood running down her cheeks
Wants to get away from the abuse
Tried to run but she feels used
Left that place to go to a better
But that one was worse than the other
She tries and tries but fails
To get out of the places of nails
Falling, always falling, never rising
Out of the places that cause bruising
Maybe one day she can
But she doubts that will happen
Cause those places have a tight hold
And she can't seem to feel anything, anything but cold

They make me smile on the days I don't feel like it
They make me happy when no one else can
They listen to me like nobody does
They make me feel like I am wanted
They love me
They're there for me
And for that, I love them too

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you

But the roses are wilted
The violets are dead
The sugar bowl is empty
And my wrists are stained red

I loved you too much
So I lost you too hard
Cause loving a touch
Couldn't bring me too far
So I loved you a bunch
But you didn't love my scars
So you left me fast
And I died inside but she made a patch
She might know who she is
She could see this
I don't care...

I did some things
To some people
I ruined them
But they deserved it
Or
Did they
Did I do it because I was jealous
Or because I didn't know what else to do
I made them sad
I made them leave
Now they are gone
and I'm alone again
So again I'll say goodbye
and pack my stuff and go
Bye
Hope this life treats you well friends
It hasn't for me
Goodbye

I don't know how to say just how I feel
He does that to me
Takes the words out of my mouth
Makes me feel complete again
They dashed me against the rocks
He saw the good and picked up the pieces
Put them back together
The pieces that were lost he replaced
He tells me he loves me
He'll wait for me
But why
He'll find someone better
They always do
They always move on
But that's alright
Because for a few months at least
I have love, and I am loved
And for a few months I am complete
I know it won't last
But for now
For now I am free
And for now I am happy
I know I won't survive after it ends
But I can for now
For him

She goes stalking in the night
Finding prey in her flight
Doesn't want to go but must
Who else can she trust?
Not her family, not her friends
"Trust no one" she says
Abandoned
Alone
Tortured soul
Along the way which she roams
She shall never ever fall
Head turned upward
She makes her call