I should live alone
Forever
Because anyone who tries to be a part of my life
I disappoint

I say I'm okay
I say I'm fine
I say I am happy
I say I have moved on
I say I'm not sad
I say I am happy for you
I say all that with a smile

but the sadness in my eyes says otherwise.

you said you love me
but i only smiled

you held my hand
i just let you but i didn't feel giddy

you looked at me with love in your eyes
mine held guilt

you told me you want to be with me forever
i only laughed it off



you told me why
i just smiled at you

you spat at how cold i was being
i didn't care i was laughing in my head

you asked how i can break a man's heart so easily
i said nothing

did you ever love me? you asked
i shook my head and you cried

you asked again why
my reply was simple

**I'm sorry

"I have a gun in my bag" said she to the boy who flirted with her.

He thought she was joking. "That's cute, baby". He continued his advances, a hand on her thigh.

She grimaced in disgust. Reached inside her bag.

Then he was out cold on the floor.

Your smiles are as bright as the sun in the middle of the day

Your laughters as beautiful as the soft sound of wind chimes dancing in the breeze

Your eyes as clear as the twinkling stars that laden the black night sky

Your cheeks as red as newly bloomed crimson roses

And I chase you

Your cries are as beautiful as the howling of lone wolves under the full moon night

Your groans as deep as the guttural growl of a wild animal in the forest

Your tears as salty as the crystal clear ocean water

Your pleas as beautiful as the music of an orchestra playing through the night

And I want to own you

Your soft breathes are as still as the calm waters of a mountain spring

Your pale skin as white as the thick snow after a storm

Your voice as faint as the flutter of a butterfly's wings

Your wounds and bruises as beautiful as an art painted on an empty canvass

And without meaning to

I killed you

"I'm scared, mommy" said little Robby, fingers that held the blankets over his eyes trembling, refusing to look at mommy.

Mommy sat on the bed, a hand reaching out to smooth the little boy's tangled golden locks. "Darling, there's nothing to be scared of" she smiles, her red lips stretching a mile.

"Lies, mommy, lies" Robby cried, mommy's long nails raking over his scalp.

Mommy laughed.

Little Robby's lip trembled in fear. He wished to wake up from this nightmare. Because mommy never had long nails. She never wore such red color on her lips. And she never laughed with such a deep rumbling voice.

She asked him to stop. Her wrists reddening under his hold.

No

She asked him to stop. Her neck turning into a canvas of purple and red flowers.

No

She asked him to stop. Her body bare and shivering from the cold.

No

She asked him to stop. Her once pale ivory skin laden with blue, black and red.

No

She asked him to stop. Her cheeks damped because of her pouring tears.

No

She asked him to stop. Her body shaking, his head deep between her legs.

No

She asked him to stop. Her mouth wide open in silent screams, his hips snapping against hers.

No

She asked him to stop. Her breathing slowing down, his lips peppering kisses along her flushed face.

No

He asked her if she hates him. She nods, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.

**Yes

Her skin was basked in the soft glow of the ember fire of the candle. She looked so serene, so beautiful, the exhaustion of their ****** night showing through her dropping eyes.

He smiles and kisses her forehead sweetly. "My darling" he whispers lovingly against her skin and she hums with a smile of delight.

"Yours..." she answers, voice as sweet and as loving.

your smile

your laugh

your eyes that form crescents when you're happy

your velvet voice that seem to touch the deepness of my heart

your soft touches

your sweet kisses

your relaxing hugs

your amazing stories

you...

I miss you

i was wrong
i am sorry
the thing i have done
can you forget?
i am dying, love
i love you deeply
i miss you gravely
i ask for your consideration to accept my heart's apology
as i am down on my trembling knees i reach out to your soft hands
can you please look into my pouring eyes?
i am asking you for mercy
will you give me grace?
my mouth dries as i continue to beg to you
for you but your ears are shut
open your broken heart for me once again, love
i kiss your now cold fingertips then the red that lined your wrists
forgive me, love
forgive me
i did this to you
they look at me with pity and disgust in their eyes
i did not care
how can i not when you are here in front of me?
with your eyes closed?
if only i could turn back time
i would never commit the sin i did
but you are gone now
i am but too late
should i close my eyes too?
if somehow they opened will you be there waiting for me?
in the afterlife i will surely find you
and ask you this
will you take me back?
i wonder what your answer will be
but until then, love
hang in there
wait for me
i will leave you for a moment
i am on my way home
i held the same thing you used to decorate your wrist with red
how did you do it?
i went in the tub and ran the water
these red lines hurt love
did you undergo the same pain?
i am sorry
i did not know it hurt this much
did the lights also blurred, love?
surely the lights here are dimming
i smile to myself, love
i smile widely
soon
soon, love
i will see you
will you wait for me?
for one last time
with your smile in my mind
**i love you

I have always been scared of the night
Not because of the darkness
Or what may lurk that i cannot see

But because its when my thoughts run deeper, darker and sadder.

can i laugh?
oh how i wish to just laugh
it is like poison you see
no
it is like a drug
it makes me...
idle
blank
i hate it
this is going to destroy me

"Darling..." he whispers softly in her ear, strong arms around her small waist and sturdy chest against her back.

"You smell like honey..." he kisses her nape, planting his love and promises on her supple skin "...and I'm the bee"

I don't want to be alone but i want to be alone.

I want to go out and explore but i want to be in the comfort of my own bedroom.

I want to express my feelings but i am scared to open up.

I want to meet new people but i don't like the pressure and awkwardness.

I am married, to my obligation.

But I am also an adulterer.

I guess I love laziness more.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have two words for you
*******

Sometimes
You feel like you're head's going to
Explode
With all the thoughts running non-stop
And you just want someone to talk to
Not you're parents
Nor your friends
Nor sister
Nor your brother
Nor your lover
Just...someone
That someone who will listen
Just listen
Not to say anything
Just to listen...

I just want

Someone to understand

Someone to listen

Sadly...there's only **No-one

i

am

dying