i imagine it being small and cold
as that's how it always felt

small and cold and thronging and killing
and yet somehow
i'm still here.

in this little chamber full of
secrets and lies
and laughter and cries
i feel home.

of course i could go outside
get a glimpse of
what would be contentment
of what would be the truth.

but that would mean pain
to expanses i will not be enough to sustain

so thank you
but no thank you



You had a look into my closet now.

please close the door
and let me be
not me but only ever me

i am miserable either way.

If you ask me what excites me
I'd tell you
the way her beautiful smiles sets off when she sees me from far away
Just like yesterday, I'm in love today

I was never a half
you never completed me
though I've have always felt a little empty in the summer
then you held my hand in the winter
I ran of space
tried to catch my breath
you started talking about my eyes and how they shine
as dark as the night sky
they shine
like the lights in Paris
they shine
I stopped listening
you smiled
I was lost

I'm an unfinished letter
a poem you would never read out loud
the cup of coffee you never finish
and the sweater you keep in your closet
unworn, brand new
the book you're forced to read
and the color that ruins the painting

everything that I say is far from who I am
don't believe my words
I know no trust
no such thing as simple or easy

there is no home in my body
run away before you're next I
will welcome you with arms open
you will be forced to stay
the emptiness will suffocate you
like it did me

I sometimes remind myself of you
with your ****** fists and smelly breath
you breathe out the anger,
you've been bottling up inside of yourself,
all in my face
funny it smells like alcohol

just as I thought I was over you and your hatred
I notice I still have your eyes and your nose
your fists too

I hate that I find pieces of you within me
and I cannot escape
to be who I want to be
you're holding me hostage inside my own body
I see you in my dreams telling me it's all going to be alright
I see you in the mirror, you've been crying all night

I hate that I blame you, you used to blame me too
for what's going on in your head
you let your fists speak first
I'm becoming more like you

we might look like
same eyes, the same nose

your heart is nothing like mine
i forgave you every single time

We're almost touching.
we were walking side by side,
you're talking about cabs in your hometown.
I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers
whispering "it's alright."

We're touching but not quite.
you held my shoulder to protect me from the passing cars.
and for the first time in a long while, I felt so fragile.
In this world where I find it hard even to breathe,
you believed me.

I almost said it.
All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you.

I want to find home in your collarbones.
Would you be kind enough to let a stranger in?
I want to seep in your being because I'm cold.
The world is harsh and my cracks are aching.

Almost.