wherever i go
i see your footsteps
marking the snow in my heart

a silent whisper, your voice
sends shivers down my body
while i'm losing everything in your wind

once you have taught me how not to love,
how can i
ever love
again?

so how can i fight if
i'm not whole?
so how to fight if

wherever i go
i see your footsteps
marking the snow in my heart
quietly telling me,
"You can never love again".

When I was 10 my mum Told me that
I was special
The Next day was the First time
she told me to shut up
When I was 14 my Friends told me that
I was funny
The Next day I Heard them laugh about me
And when I was 16
You told me I was beautiful
You told me you loved me
You told me you would do anything for me
But I did not believe you
Because I learnt that people don't mean
What they say
And I did not want to get disappointed again

I too am touch-starved, my beloved
I saw your face on an angel’s stomach in my dreams
and when god let the gates of the earth close about me
, I saw you
wrapped in winter seaweed eyes and eels frozen
doves’ wings petrified mercilessly in the water
forsaken shards eye-shadowed like a two-sun solar system
marked like some amazonian trail tree, blazed with rice paper
wet paint, fresh and false and free, my beloved
c-shaped tunnel round about your eye in crimson, like
some caterpillared jesus bust
I retched your likeness into my lap,
, minty razor blades flying across my arms
glistening with human-scent to mimmick
god’s work with lucifer’s lust