I regret the snow
It didn't make any sense to hear from a girl who hasn't known anything but the Northeast, but she wasn't done
I miss the grass

She was listening to country music
It ripped up her insides and forced her to spit them out
Hiraeth- homesick for a place you've never been
She stitched ankle bands that looked like Grecian sandals but had no souls
She went out and stood on rain soaked wood
I would have kissed her if she wanted to be kissed but she just wanted to be warm

I don't blame her, I guess
Seattle radio shows don't talk about the rain because it causes mass depression
But I gave her something to love
Something other than jump ropes made of hoses and raspberry thorns
I don't melt when the sun dissipates
I could have held her...
She left yesterday.

I've had a recurring dream,
In which I swim myself into deep ocean,
Ignoring icy waves that crumble atop me,
Until I'm just a pale face in the water,
Staring up
Reflecting a blank sky.

That's when I exit myself,
I watch myself drown and,
I realise it may not have been a dream as much as I thought.

i feel sick to my stomach
three weeks in and there's already something

you wanna slow things down
but i'm already in the fast lane and no one's moving over on the highway to let me change

let's not hold hands
but we still can
make out on crumpled bed sheets

i wanna redirect my attention
but it's all yours
when i'm ripping off your clothes

you made me feel like a friend today
worse actually
more like a walking "use me" sign

i didn't answer for hours
and not even an "are you okay?"

i told you today was weird
you didn't seem to care to ask why

i don't know what's running through your head
but i know what's running through mine

not again not again not again
please be different
please don't be like the last guy

you have more of a foothold to hurt me
baby please don't change your mind
we're three weeks in, there's so much more to go
please honey, you've already got me on hands and knees
begging for mercy
please. don't make me cry
like all those other guys.

sweltering hot days
have tarried in our district  
prolonging the roast

Cause I am scared
What life has me prepared
Cause I am scared
That my future is unfair
Cause I am scared
I don't reach the highest stair

I know I am just a twenty one guy
with big insecurities and a short high
who's afraid they don´t say his name with pride

Silence shrieks down hollow halls
And I long to hide behind the curtains.
There is no warmth to be found.
There is no joy to be heard reverberating back.
I glance over my shoulder in hope that I have made a wrong turn & you will be behind me;
There to rescue me.
There to hold my hand.
You aren't.
You never were.
I was always holding my own hand
& saving my own skin.
I wonder know who it was
That was really needed here.