Once again clinging to the past like a baby clings to her mother
Walking in a straight line I sometimes forget the world is a circle
If I keep going straight I'll find myself exactly where I first started
And going back after walking so far at this point is not what I want at all
How is it I wander back home when I am trying to run away
Does the world shift my straight lines to secretly turn me around?
I don't want to be put into reverse nor do I want to fast forward
Pausing myself and looking around, I find myself somewhere foreign
Like always I shrug and choose a direction to make straight lines in
Fast forwarding and rewinding all the time and never knowing it
Maybe my changing motions make a three dimensional cycle
My straight lines curve in the 5th dimension that I cannot see
Impossible movements from the unknown are my trickery
But somehow I find myself starting over from scratch again
1d 2d 3d 4d all I need is something to correctly move me
I need to direct my path into the right navigations of motion
So program my straight lines and distort the dimension of curveballs
It's time to pause and figure out where I am and where I'm headed.

(NaPoWriMo Challenge: April 20, 2017)

My headquarters are full of tennis *****, basketballs and boxing gloves, figuratively speaking. Literally there are only golf *****
in the bureaus of CEOs. Maybe a horse.

Field offices are loathe to make apologies or analogies
while they’re swinging for the fences. But I had a boss once

who was known for his sucker punch.
I took it on the chin until I threw in the towel.
It was par for the course but he was sidelined for it,

ultimately thrown out of the game. His biggest insult
was asking me if I knew what a football looked like.

At the worst of it, I had a famous football player
in my corner. He literally ran interference during play.
I was dancing in the end zone.

But the sticky wicket was my choice to be an office caddy
in the first place instead of a canto girl.

Where did I drop the ball, not keep my eye on the ball?
Was I lightweight at the turnover?

Grandstand hollers are definitely in my wheelhouse,
my proverbial slam dunk. I can throw my hat in the ring,
square off and go the distance.

I’ve had my years of first down bad plays.
I’ve learned some lessons of the game.

There is no such seventh inning, there is no homestretch.
Everything is under the wire but the wire itself.

You are the only ringer to the winner and the loser.

I keep throwing myself out there like a Hail Mary
which is why I’m evermore a ball in their court.

☺ SMILE☺

In life's vast tapestry, where shadows loom,
Amidst the storm, within the gloom,
There lies a beacon, small yet bright,
A glimmer of hope, a guiding light.

It's found within, deep in your soul,
A radiant warmth, making you whole.
A simple curve, upon your face,
Can brighten any somber place.

Through trials and tribulations, you may tread,
With burdens heavy, and dreams unsaid.
But oh, dear heart, don't lose your way,
For a smile can turn night into day.

When sorrow knocks upon your door,
And doubts assail you to the core,
Let your smile be a steadfast shield,
Against the darkness, it shall wield.

In moments of joy, let it shine,
Like the sun's rays, divine and fine.
Let it dance upon your lips so true,
A testament to all that you've been through.

For in this world, so vast and wide,
A smile can be a soothing tide.
It heals the wounds, it mends the soul,
And makes broken spirits once more whole.

So, when the storms of life draw near,
And hope seems but a distant sphere,
Remember, dear friend, to smile bright,
For in your smile, lies endless light.

When darkness falls and shadows creep,
And in your heart, fears begin to seep,
Let your smile be a beacon bright,
Guiding you through the darkest night.

In times of trouble, when skies are gray,
And doubts and worries cloud your way,
Let your smile be a ray of hope,
A lifeline to help you cope.

When tears threaten to overflow,
And despair whispers soft and low,
Let your smile be a gentle breeze,
To calm the storm and put you at ease.

For in the curve of your lips so fine,
Lies a power that's truly divine.
It can lift spirits, it can heal,
It can make even the coldest heart feel.

So when life's challenges seem too steep,
And you're tempted to despair and weep,
Remember the magic that lies within,
Your smile, a gift that can light up within.

Let it shine forth like a beacon bright,
A symbol of strength, a source of light.
For in your smile, the world can see,
The beauty of your resilience and glee.

So wear it proudly, let it glow,
Through highs and lows, let it show.
For in your smile, there's boundless grace,
A reflection of your innermost embrace.

So smile, dear friend, and never cease,
For in your smile, lies endless peace.
Let it shine forth, let it be,
A testament to your bravery and glee.

When the journey is long and the road is rough,
And the trials ahead seem more than enough,
Let your smile be your guiding star,
Leading you on, no matter how far.

In moments of joy, let it spread,
Like wildfire, bright and widespread.
Let it light up the darkest night,
And fill your soul with pure delight.

When life throws curveballs, as it may,
And you stumble along the way,
Let your smile be your saving grace,
A reminder of your inner space.

For in your smile, there lies a spark,
A glimmer of hope within the dark.
It whispers of courage, of strength untold,
A beacon of light, a hand to hold.

So wear your smile like a crown,
Through laughter and tears, up and down.
Let it be your constant friend,
Guiding you through to the very end.

For in the end, when all is said and done,
And the final battle is won,
Your smile will be your legacy,
A testament to your bravery.

So smile, dear friend, and let it shine,
For in your smile, the world will find,
A reason to hope, a reason to be,
A reflection of all that's good and free.

When storms rage and thunder roars,
And life's trials shake you to the core,
Let your smile be a beacon bright,
Guiding you through the darkest night.

In moments of doubt and fear,
When the path ahead is unclear,
Let your smile be a guiding light,
To lead you through the darkest night.

For in your smile, there's strength and grace,
A light that shines in every place.
It brings warmth to hearts grown cold,
And turns despair into pure gold.

So when life's burdens weigh you down,
And despair threatens to make you drown,
Remember the power that lies within,
Your smile, a symbol of strength and kin.

Let it shine through the darkest hour,
A symbol of hope, a source of power.
For in your smile, the world will see,
The strength and beauty of your bravery.

So wear it proudly, let it glow,
Through every high and every low.
For in your smile, there lies a spark,
A beacon of hope that lights the dark.

When the world seems bleak and grey,
And troubles linger day by day,
Let your smile be a ray of light,
Dispelling shadows, shining bright.

In moments of sadness, let it bloom,
A flower of joy amidst the gloom.
Let it be a melody of cheer,
A reminder that hope is always near.

For in your smile, there's magic found,
A force that turns life's frowns around.
It spreads warmth and kindness far and wide,
A ripple of joy, a gentle tide.

So when challenges come your way,
And the skies above turn dark and grey,
Remember the power you possess,
To brighten the world with your happiness.

Let your smile be a guiding star,
Leading others from near and far.
For in your smile, there lies a key,
To unlock hearts and set spirits free.

So wear it proudly, let it shine,
For your smile is a gift divine.
It holds the power to uplift and inspire,
To ignite hope and set hearts on fire.

So smile, dear friend, and never relent,
For in your smile, the world finds content.
Let it be your compass, your guiding light,
Leading you through each day and night.

When the winds of change begin to blow,
And uncertainty casts its shadow,
Let your smile be a steady beam,
Guiding you through the wildest dream.

In moments of struggle, let it prevail,
A symbol of resilience that will never fail.
Let it be a beacon in the storm,
A reminder that you can weather any form.

For in your smile, there's strength untold,
A force of nature, a sight to behold.
It carries hope on its gentle wave,
And brings solace to those it saves.

So when darkness threatens to consume,
And despair looms like an endless gloom,
Summon your smile, radiant and true,
And watch as it lights up the world anew.

Let it be a testament to your spirit,
A reminder that you can overcome any limit.
For in your smile, there lies a power,
To transform the darkest hour into a flower.

So wear it proudly, let it shine,
For your smile is a treasure divine.
It holds the key to a brighter day,
And guides you on your journey's way.

So smile, dear friend, and never forget,
The impact your smile can truly beget.
Let it be a beacon in the night,
A symbol of hope, burning bright.

When life's burdens weigh heavy on your chest,
And you're faced with trials that put you to the test,
Let your smile be a testament to your strength,
A reminder that you'll go to any length.

In moments of doubt, when you feel alone,
And the road ahead seems like an endless drone,
Let your smile be a symbol of your resilience,
A beacon of light in the face of indifference.

For in your smile, there's a spark of grace,
A glimmer of hope in this chaotic place.
It speaks of courage and inner peace,
A reminder that all storms will cease.

So when the world feels cold and bleak,
And you're struggling to find the words to speak,
Let your smile be a warm embrace,
A sign that brighter days you'll chase.

Let it be a reflection of your inner light,
A symbol of joy that shines so bright.
For in your smile, the world will see,
The beauty of your soul, wild and free.

So wear it proudly, let it adorn your face,
A symbol of love, a gesture of grace.
For in your smile, there lies the key,
To unlocking the beauty in you and me.

#smile #love #heart #soul #joy #happiness #beauty #C9fm

Maybe I'm playing the wrong game
With the wrong attitude
Things just ain't the same
Throwing curveballs to the dirt
Feeling, soaking in the hurt

You spit in your palm
And look deep in my eyes
Put your hand behind your back
And keep spoon feeding me lies
Well it couldn't hurt to try

Please just hold tight
While I **** back to swing
Pulling for the fences
While mending my wings
To fly through these clouded, muddy things

Knowing my sordid past
When it comes to this game
Making us last
Won't come without pain
And it's a **** shame

I have a message for the kid sitting in the back of the classroom
You know, the one with the bruises, ask him what's wrong he'll give you the dumbest excuses
"I fell down the stairs, and ran into the door"
But stairs and doors don't give black eyes and broken bones so what are you lying for?

I have a message for the prettiest girl in school
You know, The one hiding behind all that make-up and hairspray
Pretending she couldn't be having  a better day
Yet she's afraid to go back to her broken home
Because her step-dad hurts her mom and her brother won't leave her alone
School is her sanctuary
What you don't know can be scary.

I have a message for the boy on his skateboard
Sellings drugs and liquor to make a quick buck
Then he got caught for possession and now he's stuck
In that cell all by himself remembering what his friends said
"We're bros, forever" But they left him for dead.

I got a message for that wierd girl in the lunchroom
The one that eats alone,
She has no place to call home
She smells bad because she doesn't own a shower
Living in shelters, her life is out of her power
Because her parents messed up she has to hurt
But she wants to do better so she does her school work

I have a message for the boy blogging
Those cuts on his wrists are not cat scratches
They're more like past mistakes left on his arms in patches
He can't help how sad he always feels
But he refuses to be that kid "on pills"

I have a message for that girl with the strict parents
Wishing she could bring her girlfriend to meet the family
But she knows if she did they wouldn't be happy
Because being gay is a sin
And if you're gay you're not kin

****, what a world we live in.

I have a message for all the messed up kids
Who struggle in the daily lives they live.
You will be okay
Things will get better someday.
So put away that blade and pick up that paint brush
Don't end your life before you've felt the rush
Wait until you've had your first kiss
I promise you there will be so many moments of bliss
Put down that bottle of pills
You of all people deserve life's thrills
I know sometimes it's hard to catch the curveballs life throws your way,
Just get low and get ready to play

To the kids who feel lost and alone
I will be the one to welcome you home

That brings me to my current state,
quickly growing into a better man.
Moving forward at an increasing rate,
no longer expecting her to understand.
But I know I have a clean slate.

A few girls tried to hook me,
but nah I didn't take the bait.
I think I said it before,
I see this path as truly straight.
This newfound freedom,
the feel of change and yes its great.
I can say I'm over you,
and yeah I know you can relate.
But I'm done with curveballs,
just wait till the right girl hits the plate.
I can live my life without you,
so rest assured that there's no hate.

And know that these streets are irresponsible,
and that you are too. And that no matter
how bright your eyes and headlamps may be
you will always find something you didn’t
see before. Life will always be throwing at you
curveballs. And car insurance. And the ungainly heft
of police officers leering in lustily at the watch on your
wrist and the hollowed, hungry eyes of your companion.

Do not answer them, I beg of you, when they ask
you too for your name and your father's,
for they truly care not to hear
its sound. They only want to add to the noise -
continue living beneath its dins. Not after money but the
fear, the control that from you stem. Now, yes
I may be over-exaggerating (after all, it was but one
slight dent in the bumper of the car, but

there is no exaggeration to the voicelessness of they
who queued before me, no companions guiding them,
no voices shouting for them.) He, they, there, by the streets,
only has in his hands a car horn. And so he honks.
And so the siren wails. And so the chaos reigns.
And so do they - officers - living silently beneath it all,
urging us onward to yelling and screaming and shouting.
And yet we can’t. And we don’t. And we won’t.
And yet they, for all their damages, do not - scratch,
refuse not - to do so.

They only can look down at the pavement,
dotted yellow, black and white dashed.

one last prose
for the road,
shrouded
with
Rosebush regrets,
compunction and shame,
of
anguish and pain,
knowing things can never,
quite
be the same as they were,
yesterday.
In prickly heat,
sweaty, sweet, benediction.
My demuric affliction,
masks and veils addiction.
Stifled in harbours
of
resentments first tooth.

Who knew,
the crow flew in a
beeline.
Stinging' it’s way amongst the vagaries.
The geodesic distance,
hides in the light,
but
the road,
      bends,
  and
     throws those
curveballs
       I swerved,
around them all,
as,
I’m not ready to fall for you;
petal.
With my foot on the metal,
I took the road for granted.
Granted,
I should of known better than a
kiss from a rose.

Life throws you curveballs once you're up to bat
Twisting and turning; better hold steady the bat above the mat
The wrong technique could blow the game; focus and be ready
Hold your ground, breathe slowly; remain calm and steady
What's coming your way is often unexpected
Starting with an invitation for entertainment that cannot be rejected
To a darkened home from a romantic scene ****** from some fantasy
You've imagined to feel something so right over and over again
But once you've left first, you realize home is your destination for where you begin and where you end

What's done is done; you really lost when you think you won
But even one victory doesn't shadow the vacancy that still lingers
The emptiness fills you and it shows through shaky fingers
The romantic scene you dreamed of has faded quickly
The details of it all you remember vividly
Reliving the fantasy, devoid of all reality
Home plate is not a safe place to be

Dear, can I be honest with you?
I just don’t know anymore; I don’t know what to do.
I’ve forgotten how to be the girl everyone needs me to be.
And I don’t know how I got so far away from you.
I just don’t know why you even stuck around or why
You even dared to raise your glass to many more last nights.

Never once in my wildest nightmares did it come to this, but here we are.
Swallowing the water we’re surrounded by and being weighed down.
And the more we try to stay up, the more we drown.
Never once in my greatest daydream did you even stick around, but here you are.
But it’s only a matter of time before you close the door on any chance we had.
But it’s only a matter of time before we go back to being empty and sad.

I long to be near you, just to stand by you.
I’ve said it too many times and you’re probably tired
Of hearing my voice, this sorry broken record.
It all makes sense when I look into your eyes.
Everything falls into place when your baby browns meet mine,
But when I look away, it’s all askew and undefined.

Life has thrown me curveballs I’ve managed to dodge.
I’ll never regret catching you, you random act of God.
You’ve given me hope and found me when I was lost.
You are too good for me and I don’t need to be told twice.
But I need to be around you to keep myself alive, to keep myself up.
The touch of your skin, the sound of your voice, I can’t get enough.

I’m being honest, dear.

Curveballs can be hit,
But dodgeballs are impossible to dodge.
Comparing dodgeball to a summer’s day?
Shakespeare, try again.
Dodgeball, you are synonymous
To a hellfire confined to a perimeter
That destroys everything it touches,
Especially at summer camps.
I walk away from dodgeball alive,
But dead in self-esteem:
Always getting hit,
And any clever maneuver of mine always seems to be a violation
Of game rules.
Dodgeball, you only fuel my aggression.
When I am the only one in play,
And see beyond the half court line
Stronger, more agile and athletic demons
Ready to pelt their confidence against my hope,
My mind defaults to “bad-sport” ideas
And just wants to get the match over with,
Lose or win.
With a POW!
Or even the slightest brush of orb to skin,
I give in
And have to wait until opposing victory cheers melt
Before grudgingly submitting to a pointless rematch
That tortures me, vaccinates me with sulky feelings.
Crying over spilled milk is negotiable,
But I cannot undo the rash from the whiff of a dodgeball
By screaming “That’s so not fair!”
Instead, I force out good sportsmanship,
My eyes wincing, my throat and mind hardening
In the struggle to keep vengeance contained.
If only the interest in dodgeball would cease
And suffocate on the taste of its own humiliation.
Boy, would I ever love to burn some dodgeball rubber.

We promised each other the world
As we clung to each other tightly,
Afraid that if we let go,
The other would crumble.

In the end,
I was the one who crumbled,
Not you.

Does five years mean nothing to you?
Five years,
Filled with crazy antics,
Bursts of laughter,
Tears from fears.

And now,
We are nothing.

I guess
I was the ******* in all of this.
Taking your insults
Like morsels of fulfillment.
Degrading me further and further,
But I took it all.
It was the only thing I knew how to.

I was forced away.
You moved on.
I stayed.
Still behind you, as always.
Waiting for the hurt to come,
But you left me.
And this is the most hurtful of all of the insults you've thrown at me.
I am nothing.

At least before,
I was something,
Someone worth thinking about to create spiteful ***** of words.
You threw insults like a game of baseball,
Pitching curveballs,
Speedballs,
Fastballs constantly,
Never stopping,
Inventing new ways to throw the baseball,
Each and everyone hitting me harder to the point that the bat did me no use anymore.
They just kept coming.
All I could do was stand and get hit,
Understand and take in everything you threw.
Harder,
Faster,
More
Each and every time.

Then others came around,
Rocking my world,
Showing me what love actually is,
Not all the **** you gave me,
I wouldn't let go.

Now I'm back.
I've caught up to you,
But you've turned your back to me,
And continued down your path.
Leaving me to stand alone at this fork in my road.

...
Guess I was the only one that cared those five years.
Guess it was all a game, huh?
...
I miss you.

I’m young and I’m aware that I understand little
But what will not do is I will not become cynical
I will continue believing in what might be a fantasy
That there really are grand adventures and true love
That even though its hard to believe, love at first sight exist
I won’t stop believing that music can change the world
And that one small person can make a large difference
All the problems that life will throw out me
The curveballs, if you will,  I will knock out of the park
Because I will always believe in a dream
A dream of happiness, and joy, and peace
And most of all a dream of love.

Dear Life,


For the longest time,
I’ve been complacent in this little nook I dug for myself,
a stagnant existence,
happy…
could be happier…
but happy,
and that’s what I wanted, right?
That’s what counts?
That’s what I worked towards for so long?

What’s that cliché?
If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it?
Yeah, don’t fix it.
Cover me in silence,
fill me up with good enough,
and settle if it’s so.
Who needs to strive for amazing?

You haven’t thrown me any curveballs in a while.
Maybe what I thought was healing
was just a piece of me that grew numb.
You’ve changed the plan mid-play.
Are you really trying to fail me?
Is it your goal to get into my every crevice
simply to pull out each emotion you can find
and witness what it does to me?
I’m not sure my bat is still strong enough;
it hasn’t been used in so long.
I could swing,
but I’d miss,
and I can’t handle missing any more.
I forgot what it felt like to have so much uncertainty
lodged under my fingertips,
to see one pitch after another too late
and not even realize it until a giant, blue welt
appears on my skin.
I’m terrified of your throws,
because something might shake up my world
and break me all over again.
I can’t,
I won’t
go back to that place.

Instincts scream to hide in the corner of the cage,
construct a shelter
in peace.

But,
dear Life,
my heart…
my heart tugs at my puppet strings
to grasp the bat in my hands,
walk up to the plate,
and find you face-to-face,
“because this time
maybe,
just maybe…
we’ll hear ourselves collide.”
In a barely-audible whisper,
it says,
“I think you’ve missed enough.”


Signed,
Scared & Confused

For all
the curveballs
life pitched
.......
Thank You

18 is a fairly small number in the scheme of things
but 18 years is a fairly large amount of time
18 years and life throws curveballs

18 is a fairly small number in the scheme of things
and 18 seconds is a fairly small amount of time
18 seconds and the day throws curveballs

maybe 18 seconds isn’t a fairly small number,
maybe it depends on the scenario and the context that 18 is put in

I’ll be here with my arms stretched wide

Ready to catch a break

Instead of all these curveballs

That keep hitting me in the face

I don’t even like baseball

⚾️

Smoking until struggles fade to black
Leave for awhile but always come back
To the dust collected in my nooks
Heard by crannies between books

I fear none of problems non-existent replies
The gaze from inanimate objects eyes
Control the balance of my silent possessions
They swirl in the wake of my useless expressions

I stand firm amidst the hum of talking nothingness
My hands like swords in my confessed stress
World is small
Yet this planet so large
My fight I falter as troubles barge

No orders conquer my will to go on
Am a survivor of each passing dawn
Home is battlefield in which I slumber
My skills adapt and grow in number

They are put to test by life's curveballs
Believe in what is at the top of these walls
Waving freedom with my face in the mud
Death nobly boiling in my blood

As I try to improve presence bit by bit
Rings distant from where I sit
I continue forth hoping better is what tomorrow will be
No way to tell
I guess I'll have to wait and see

You’d had just enough change to pick it up at the Hall’s gift shop,

As you’d ate sparsely at the down-on-its luck diner

Where the bus had stopped halfway or so through the trip out

(Just as well, given the place’s obvious indifference

To culinary innovation and cleanliness)

And you’d all but sprinted with it

From the cashier straight o the batting cage next door,

Inadvertently ending up in line for the machine

Which threw curveballs

(The kids ahead of you older, most likely high school players

Who made but weak contact with the pitches,

A dream dying a little with each weak tapper and foul-back)

And you went through a handful of futile swings

Before the final pitch came out of the machine,

Spinning oddly and refusing to break toward the plate,

Hitting you in the back with a dull, rubbery thud,

And your teacher, thick-middle man

Who had played a couple seasons in the Indians farm system,

Where he had faced Juan Pizarro (Son, his hook looked

Like it was coming in from first base)

Chuckled softly as he rubbed your back,

Saying It’s like I told you, kid,

This is a hard game.

It's not always easy
to accept what
curveballs life
throws at you

Sometimes you need to
grab that baseball bat
and hit them back
where they belong

My bequeath to Mother Earth
I try my best
And Always have
Curveballs galore
It actually sounds unbelievable
When I tell it
But we are a GREAT family
And everyone who actually
Knows us will testify
I honestly tried my best
With my kids
And it shows
Despite
The huge *******
Target Smear
Everyone who knows
Knows that we are an amazing
Team
And we all really
Love
Each other
So much
I did that

Normality
Sanity
Hopeful
And comfortable

Things I've searched for
My entire life
Things I cannot seem to find

I've moved
Been abused
Been bullied
Been neglected
Been heartbroken
Been forgotten
Been rejected

There is no normality in my life
No steadiness
No plan

I've been hospitalized
Take medications
Been suicidal
Almost self harmed
Been so anxious, I get sick
Been so depressed I can't move

I have no sanity
Never really have
I've longed for it
Just so I could fit in

I've been crushed
Been promised something but never received it
Been lied to
Been left out
Been alone

I've lost hope
In the people around me
Lost trust
And faith

I've been depressed
Been alone
Been rejected
Been abused
Been forced to do things

I've never been comfortable
I always get curveballs
It seems nothing goes right
Ever

Normality
Sanity
Hopeful
And comfortable

Things I've searched for
My entire life
Things I cannot seem to find

it was a big shift
from friends to strangers
but it could be worst  
if the shift did not happen
shifts happen
***** happen
life happens
and for all you know it
it is still ninety-seven
or it could be just
being seven more than ninety
curveballs and shifts of universe
just happens
live with it

xoxo

I am Masedi/Nokukhanya.  It's not really something just a few letters put next to each other, and I agreed these are my names, Yess they translate to the same thing but I was given these names by different people and different times before I was born. They gave me these names bc my illumination was so strong they couldn't deny that I am the light of their lives. They gave me a purpose, So I know my destiny lies in bringing the light to people's lives🔮.

Masedi . The mother of light, if you know me you know I live up to my name . My skin may be dark but I illuminate from within wherever I am. Bring me into your life and you'll see everything coming into perspective , even when I leave I give you a piece of my shine and my gift will stay with you forever. I am Nokukhanya. I bring light into people's lives. I am the beginning and the end of everything. ☀️🌠

I'm a Cancerian . They say stars have decided my faith , Jupiter's exatled in my sign and gave me luck. They have decided to give me a few blessing, a heart as deep as the ocean and they made me tenacious, adaptable and empathetic. Like the law of duality the stars don't only bless they curse too. I am unable to process all these feelings so  , yet they gave me resistance an ability to keep them all in the crab shell. I am Cancerian🦀♋

I am a Writer. I take words and play around with them all in those that they can express what I can't speak , the passions and the pains. The beautiful and the horrid. The soulful and egotistical. I write to  express myself to death so that i pour my soul into these words before my body withers and dissipates. I will have no regrets in the after life, bc I know I will forever live in these words. I write down all my frustration and let out all my wrath . I write down all I am grateful for to show my serene nature. I write it all down to make you feel. I make it simple for you to understand. But most importantly I write to bring my words to life  📖

I am human . This I surely am . Like everyone of you I live my own dream, always imagining how and what will go on, cruising through life hoping and working towards making it better, but encountering endless curveballs. I am a human and my key trait like you is to project my feelings and thoughts unto you. I am constantly searching for truth, but I always only find halves of it. Constantly searching for black and white, but always ending up with grey areas. I am human and half the time it's misery and I want to end it immediately, the other half its all ecstacy and I want it to never end. I am human and I'm just here for the experience so whenever things get to stressful I just tell myself "100yrs from now I'll be dead and non of this will matter" from one human to another that thought will always keep you at peace .💁👑

I'm tired, but I had enough sleep last night. I've had my coffee multiple times today. It's something deeper, something much harder to heal. Something that won't be solved by a good night's sleep or a cup of coffee. It's something that I couldn't help.

I'm tired, but not physically. I'm doing well physically, but I'm tired mentally. I'm tired of life. Of the universe that never stopped throwing me curveballs. That won't let me take a timeout.

It's gotten worse lately. My own body aches now. Every fiber, every tendon, every inch of my muscles all aches. It's getting hard to wake up. It's getting dark. I could feel darkness swallowing every inch of my sanity that is left. I could hear the thunderous silence coming soon.

I could feel darkness's arms slowly wrapping over me. I could hear it's a whisper, louder by each waking day. It's getting harder to walk, as every step became heavier and heavier. I could feel its coldness slowly creeping in.

This is it. This is where the light ends.