i spend my days lying down, motionless
for hours, staring at this too familiar ceiling

i spend my days doing nothing, brought by
a crippling inability to speak what I mean
or do what I wish (on things that matter
most to myself)

i spend my days reacting to your slightest movement,
with a doll's passivity bordering on disgusting

i spend my days being a mere watcher, a witness
to the wonder of how beauty grows

you are a sight to behold
and it must be such joy to be held

but i'd rather spend my days lying down, motionless
trying **** hard to dream of you
(but only nightmares come through)

inkblots
are blackholes

warp to another dimension
an abyss
stare at it long enough
and they come right at
you

a starless night
where the sky
is your canvas

the power of
your imagination
turns ink and paper
to any possibility
you wish it to be

rip through reality
through time and


s p a c e

I stand alone and you are the radiant light
that shines for everyone.
You can be my world and I will be the satellite.
I will always be there looking, watching,
waiting from a distance.

I pray for the day that we could be together
but I fear that we will be hurt (you more so) if
I crash into you.

So I continue to spin and dance around your space,
forever looking at you,
forever tormented by you.

The face of agony is beauty corrupted.

and who knew it'll be like this again?
who knew that there were still faint embers?

the young fire still burns, I see

sometimes I wish I had another story to tell
and sometimes, some days, I just don't care
(but I really always do)
and I want you to know how you've captured my heart
but I am muted,
I am paralyzed
by your charm,
by your smile,
your ******* smile I find myself lost in,
by your kindness and by your beautiful soul

and sometimes I wish to break the sacred space
between us but it's alright,
I'm fine sharing with you this comfortable silence.
or maybe I'm just used to this
and I kind of wish I wasn't like this
and it's the reason why these nights seem so long,

because I can't say I miss you when I absolutely do.

An incessant rain
brought everything
to a standstill.

At the moment time stood still,
my sight became
dotted with stars
and got lost in the land
of forty winks.

the crashing waves were an embrace.
my battered body, your glistening eye.
our hearts beat
in time to the rise and fall of the tides.
from this beach,
we look out into the future.
"let's live underwater"
"I will take you where only I know you &
nobody knows our names."

soon after, we were dancing
inside our own universe.
the stars are trembling in anticipation
for every kiss, every caress, and
every touch that we give.

"Take half of my heart.
Wear it like a ring.
This is a promise,
a promise of love that
creation conspired to create."

I wake up.
I wake up to the steady drumming
of the rain on the windows.
I wake up to a night where the
skies empathize with the surge
of feelings.

I wake up to the cries of heaven.

I know for certain you are out there somewhere. Waiting.
Maybe you're not here in this place.
Maybe you're somewhere far away.
In distant shores, across oceans vast and blue.
I will search and seek, until I'm inside your love.

Maybe you're not of this time. Maybe we're eons apart.
Maybe you're from the past, or maybe from the distant future.
I will be with you.
Time is nothing to the sun and the moon.
Time is nothing but the ground where we lay our love.

Maybe you are at the far reaches of space.
Maybe you are somewhere across vast star-fields,
dancing through the cosmos, lighting up a galaxy.
I will dive into the unknown just to find you.
We will be together.

I would stop time just to be with you forever.
I will rip and reassemble space so I could be next to you, always.
We'll take our place among the constellations,
lovers till the end of time.

Time and space will mean nothing to a love driven by determination.

the longer that I stare into your eyes, the more that they look like the cosmos.
it was as if the universe decided to preserve itself in you (for whatever purpose, I will never know).

I would like to see with those eyes of yours for just a day,
to look at the world as you see it,

and maybe I'll now know how you see me.

I was born into this world with eyes of ruby
these eyes that burned bright with love and rage,
the fiery all-consuming passionate threads.
To see the world in violent flashes of color
is to live in a whirl of passions.

it's day like this (with those grey weather skies)
that I wish I was a cat
so whenever I'm cold,
or you feel the gloom,
I know that I could walk up to you
and snuggle on your lap
or you can hold me in your arms
and I will sleep soundly, knowing
that this is home.

I will always fondly remember the day I first saw you
The golden warmth of the morning sun, the young fertile minds that came rushing along the corridors
The ascending buzz of new faces & old friends
and then you came, my muse, there you are with a beauty that striked every heart
a smile that disarmed me
a purity that glowed a radiant white

I knew for certain at that moment that I no longer owned my heart

In secrecy, I adored you
In your shadow, I cherished you
I longed for you, my queen, my starlight, my sunrise
to hold your hand, to feel the warmth in my own hand
to kiss those lips, that forbidden joy
I want to put these arms around you, to lift you up & take you higher than the heavens above
I want to make you feel my love, you angel with gossamer wings

This love that will never be

I know you are not mine but I love you and this is forever
You may be far but you will never be gone
After all, how can someone who was never yours leave?

int. bed

you can't remember when you woke up. dragged and feeling drugged, you spend your days in a state of being half-awake. life has become too bothersome.

int. living room

afternoons where the light enters the jalousie windows has always been a delight. it's probably a good thing you are still delighted by some of the little things in this world.

ext. stairs

at a young age, you've hurt others (unintentionally?) and learned how to lie, trying to save yourself from the annoyance and shame of being physically and emotionally hurt. you sly devil, you.

ext. the yard

there's a faucet left open, creating a stream where the leaves and dirt are washed away into the sewers. the water's flow is perfect for launching paper boats to their one-way trip to nowhere.

int. bathroom

the dark green tiles of the room is growing increasingly dark thanks to the amount of cigarettes you smoke inside, trying to know peace by locking yourself in cramped space. it does not help.

ext. the streetlamp outside the gate

cold kisses from the wind soothe you after rounds of tomorrow's regret. beneath the pale moon, you dance with your shadow, alone, miserable but happy. the recurring sadness brought on by these nights has been a part of your life for so long that you welcome it with open arms like a friend.

You wore a dress as white as snow that day, my darling
as pure as clouds on a fine April morning.
Your skin was like porcelain. Fragile, treasured.
I remember the smell of flowers, lovely flowers, scattered about.
But compared to you, yours is a beauty that will never wilt.
Your blood-red lips, locks as dark as a starless night, the calm, serene look in your face amidst all the commotion.
I remember all of these.

You were a sight that made my heart sing. You were a beauty frozen in time.
But on that day that I will always remember, I wept with the angels.

Because that was the day that you were laid to rest.
That was my last memory with you.

The purity of sadness, the cold silence.
Dead unloving eyes that lost faith.

I’ve faded.
You’ve waited.
I’m wasted.
You’ve left.

I found happiness in solitude
and you found another.

Her voice, strong as the sound of thunder
rises above the noise and din.
I am enthralled as if by a Siren,
an echo through time
an eastern rose
reaching out to me.


I find myself staring at those eyes of yours
for a long time
the unblinking eyes of a portrait
that perfectly captured your spirit,
your beauty, that moment.


But it pains me to say that I fell for you,
that I want to be closer to you,
to hear your voice as you are in front of me,
to want just one single touch

because all you get from the dead is cold silence.

In this mad cruel world, all of us search for things:
whether it's a place to call home,
a lover,
old friends,
happiness,

We walk on to the future.
It is through our journey that we unravel our stories
and see the threads intertwined
In the pathways of destiny, of fate,
we soldier on.

All these are laid before us.
Be happy, laugh, love.
Be sad, cry, and find hope.
You may lose your way but always remember there are others with you,
also searching, looking.
Don't you give up.

All these things only make fulfilling your desire better,
the time that you will say:
"I'm home"
"I found you"
"Welcome back"