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I Can Smile, But Not be happy
I Can Cry but because i am angry
being lonley,like im drowning slowly
hard to breathe as my heart rushes to catch up to my thoughts
i feel the cold rush down my neck
 i can feel you creeping
all your eyes watching as i drag my feet and trip along the road i used to skip down.
the only place ive been hurt like this in this town.
the sneakers that squeak as mine are silent.
the clothes that still smell like the stores, mine the same as they were.
the same everything. i wake, i struggle, i push, i shed but one tear
and tear apart everyone else to protect myself from everyone.
i wish of the things i wish i had. of what i wish i was. of what i wish i wasnt
and whisper into the trees and grass how much i miss you and everyone else i have lost.
screaming at people who i never should have, loving people i know will hurt me.... unless i hurt them first,
so many first kisses and first girlfriends i have ruined...
so many inults that i said out of a place in my heart that is cold as ice and hard as stone. afraid everyone knows the lies ive told. to create this persona that makes me less of a lame, shame, untame dissapointment of everyone who is related to me....
Let me start over.
let me be the one who never lies.
let me be the one who didnt have to say that they hate someone.
let me love everyone including myself.
Look at me without shame Mom.
look apon me without disgust father.
for i am your baby girl. i am the baby you nurtured into the monster you call a daughter......
no mas no mas mother.....
i am not what you have raised
i am a near blemish in your imperfect yet perfect life.
as we stare each other down from across the table i see the dissapointment in your eyes...
the instructers see the lie they call potential...
i am  just a shadow in  the glory of the boy.... just a twinkle in the firework of YOUR life.
and as i begin to fall to my knees with pain and anger
i think of the people i hurt and wish they could watch me slowly fall into a deep pit of darkness and hate,...
i will sleep to the sounds of their giggles 
since i danced to the sound of their crys.
Ill continue to disappoint those around me.
im sorry for the pain and stress mom. 
Im sorry for the tears and fear mom.
this is me.
oh so terrible
unforgivable
broken
shaken
shattered
me.......
Me likes to play games,
video and board.
Is okay with small company,
In crowds is sickened more.
More than when she is sitting alone,
pondering on her own thoughts.
In her own toxic zone,
gazing upon scars from battles once fought.

Myself is alone.
And likes it that way.
Stuck in a habit of going astray.
Is surrounded in a bubble of fright,
Keeping it up with all her might.
Without it starts nervous paces.
Lonely things, in lonely places.
Where no one else knows or can find her.

I is vain.
I is perfect...
Until someone else agrees...
Self-absorbed and egotistical,
Sees only what SHE wants to see
Go ahead and challenge her,
She knows you'll come crawling back.
With no mercy at all,
Leaving you among the rats.

Welcome to the life,
Of Me, Myself, and I.
Analyze my words,
See who you have met,
Maybe even grown attached to...
And notice now, what thought of
Me, Myself, and I
Have left in you...
On the spot creation.
I still remember the first time
He let me bite his lips.
He nodded sincerely at my smile
And pulled in on my hips.
We stayed there for quite a while,
My eyes examining His.

We kissed and kissed,
And every second I miss
The sweet taste that our tongues left on lips.

Days like that
Quickly passed
No longer was I allowed to have any class.
From this day forward, a piece of ***.

I remember the last time I bit his lips
I received my punishment
Hard and swift.
His smirk was dark
My face was flushed

"I like this red better than when you blush.."
Funny, how you can base a whole poem, off a single quote..
Those little orange bottles,
Who drown the bedside table.
A melting *** of colors and shapes,
I obviously am not stable.

Only a few,
Was all mom ever knew,
Before I went to sleep.
She soon found me,
Covered in *****,
Passed out in a bundle of sheets.

Oh, how rude.
I am being so vile.
I really haven't talked about this,
In quite the longest while.

Maybe I need more pills.
More pills to 'help' me survive.
More therapy,
More pity.
Oh, no thank you,
I'll be fine.
Had a nightmare the other night about my first attempt.. I found humor in it, like the lunatic I am.
I heard the other day that love doesn't exist.
I was livid and spoke sour of their words,
as if 'I love you' was something I usually heard.

I sat in my bed that night
and thought about every 'I love you' I'd been missing

I thought to myself that love couldn't exist
and the last bit of your love was dripping off my skin
and that the last time you said 'I love you' was in pity and for pretend.

I sit in my desk now and write this rant-like piece,
knowing that my legs are sore
from my hips to my knees.

I think to myself that love couldn't exist,
if I cant even love myself enough to protect my own skin.

That if love existed, my heart wouldn't yearn,
even after all the nasty things I heard
that never failed to make me so sure
of the loss I had when I broke your heart.

If love didn't existed I wouldn't feel this burn
Love existed, I just couldn't be yours.
This has been resolved, but I couldn't help but post due to its eloquence.
Love isn't blind.

What else am I to I conclude,
When all the guys are crude?

They say looks don't matter
.....
As long as no one knows.
It looked nice in the beginning
Pretty paper and bows
Folded around a barren cage

But inside this cage,
This package of "love"
Is a flood of pain,
Someone he is ashamed of.

Love isn't blind
He can see perfectly fine.
He had promised in time,
That she could call him 'mine.'

Oh but what a nightmare is was
When she begged for love
Oh but what a joke it was
To see what he had done.

Love isn't blind
Or patient, or kind.
But love is definitely losing your mind.
An ode to the girls who have been through this kind of relationship. You are beautiful, no matter what anyone says. If they will kiss you in private, they can be man enough to be proud of the beautiful woman they have in their arms.
How sweet it was,
To be at your feet.
How beautiful it was,
Nothing could compete.

How long I've waited,
To be at your mercy.
Oh, to be your sweet pet.
To be in your arms,
Wrapped in warmth,
Like the very first night we met.

Love, sweet love.
Fruitful and kind.
Love has made me,
Lose my mind.
Why would I even want to find,
My lost and lonely
Troubled mind?

Love has made me so blind,
To the trials and troubles,
Of my life.
So I thank you love.
So sweet and kind,
For chasing away,
My troubled mind.
For David <3
They say you hurt
The ones you love
The most.
I wonder how true
That must be.

I can't even bear to think
Of hurting you.
Yet you give out hurt
Like its a hobby.

With all the pain
You've put me through
You must love me
More than I could ever
Love you.
Everyday.
I sit with you
In a never ending sea
Of algebra two.

How I wish we were as simple
As solving these problems.
One question at a time.
With an answer,
Or many answers,
Or no answer at all.

Now that I think about it,
This isn't that simple.
This doesn't always have an answer.
Are we pi?
A never ending, irrational number?

Well, I am definitely irrational,
Being with you.
But maybe you,
Maybe us,
Is the only real
Thing I would really find happiness in.
I know you feel that way too.

I'll be pi with you,
Pi is real.
Pi is something.
Pi exists.
Maybe its the way you walk
or the way your eyes make me think.
How you say my name,
or maybe how you make me shake.
I'm not sure how you do it,
but you're on my mind a lot
making me forget my own name,
making me lose my train of thought.

Your lips,
I favor over all the rest
but what I love most of all
is laying on your chest.
Maybe it's the way you make me feel
when all you want is a kiss.

Your kisses devour me and I lose what control I have,
giving myself to you is what my body needs.
And so I plead, and plead, and plead for you to take me,
to make me feel alive again,
to pump life into me over and over
until I am overwhelmed with the serenity of this moment.

Maybe it's when I'm walking there beside you.
Your hand grazing mine,
making sure to bump into you from time to time.
You bump right back and shoot me a grin,
wrap me up in your arms in a hug that never seems to end.
You kiss me over and over on my neck, lips, and chin
until you whisper in my ear
"I don't want this to end."

Maybe it was the way I walked, Or the way I said your name..
You're watching, judging, and assuming
You don't understand why I do what I do. 
Why I obsess over little things.
So stop trying to
The world is my oyster
But without the beautiful pearl
Just a plain old shell, in a plain old world

It's a shame you'll never know the brilliance
All you're capable to understand is the madness.
Insane, sane
Heart, or brain
Ferocious , tame
Take two breaths and stop breathing all together.
Turn your self to useless energy, forever.

Welcome to mind of the mad.
The queen of the asylum
A dapper old castle in the brain of a girl.
Who is tortured yet pampered in her own little world.
Look in the mirror and what do you see?
The same gleaming girl, who anyone could be?
A boy with bruises, everyone fails to see?
Or a '****' who's home life is shrouded in secrecy?

How about a girl, with a painted on smile?
Who's silent cries for help could be heard for miles.
The scars on her wrist are all just a part,
Of healing the gashes all over her heart.

11/11 rolls around, 
All she wishes for is one less pound
Picks at the food she was given for dinner,
Hoping one day she'll finally be thinner.

She cries over that guy she thinks about,
Who'd kiss her in private but never take her out.
She is manipulated day by day.
She knows this part but, of course, she stays.

Everything he says to her, makes her sore,
But somethings he says just make her heart warm
She'll never be good enough for that boy or her peers.
If she isn't good enough for that girl in the mirror.
And with each passing day
I miss your structured face,
Steamy eyes,
And your subtle grace.

And with each summer breeze
I miss the way your hand feels
And the way you used to let me trace your palms.
How you used to stare at me
For just a little too long.

Missing you is constant now.
I always wish you were here.
When I miss kissing your cheek
And whispering in your ear.

Nothing is the same.
Not anymore
I wished for one thing,
Just being yours.
I have just met you, and have already judged myself for you.
Should I be thinner for you? 
I have just met you, and have already become addicted.
Should I give up on you?

I dont feel adequate.
I dont feel worthy.

To tell the truth, I want to be more.
I want to be more than just a common harlot
I want to be important to you. 

I want to have *** with my Lover.
Not my **** buddy. 
I need rough coitus,
And heartwarming cuddles.

I need all that you are.
My boy,
My man,
My guy.

How long it's been since I've seen you,
So playful and alive.
How long it's been since we've been,
So peaceful and not crying.

My boy is back,
And he wants to play.
He wants to bite, and run away.
Like a small child with a crush,
Your cuteness turns me to mush.

My boy.
My sweet and happy boy.
Who thought I could make you
So happy.
Without being your toy.
Something in him has changed, and he is so open, and lets me make him laugh, make him smile..make him happy :)
My greatest condolences to the woman who loves me.

My body fears your love of me and constantly repeats the mantra of you leaving but you seem to stand even closer when I break. You tell me every time you aren't going anywhere but the pure unfamiliarity is because you, are the single thing I have ever loved, and never hated.

My greatest condolences, because I'm hard to love.

Your hands graze the body that I live in that I refuse to own. I imagine them painting my soul, covering the black holes with the colors of fall. You tell me you love every inch and I wonder about the centimeters. I take your kiss like a pill used to subside the symptoms of his neglect.

My greatest condolences, because I never believe you at first.

People are not medicine but your face helps me sleep more than ambien ever did and no, your are not going to cure me but I will survive. I do not need a cure, I need management. I take you every night before bed and wake up thinking about your arms caressing my side, yes, I said MY side. I'll admit that this body is my own as long as you're touching it, as long as your hands are soft on my skin.

My greatest condolences because you are the prescription that cannot skip
My Soul Resides

In the *
nooks
and crannies of passenger seats.
In the books I've read too many times.
In the scent in the air after you left.
In the Pink Floyd t-shirt.
In the links of metal I only have memories of.
In the silver moonlight hitting caramel skin.
In the school books I've scribbled my name in.
In the memories of those I no longer speak to.
In the mind of my parents, who still think I'm their little girl.
In the movie I watch every week.
In the candles I blow out before I sleep.
In the songs I'd keep on repeat for hours.
In the anywhere from 15 to 50 minute showers.
In the nights I stayed up, listening to the rain.
In the days I woke up, feeling a little less sane.
In the summer romances.
In the fact I've never had a slow dance.
In the first good kiss I ever had.
In the scars I harbor, inside and out.
In the last time I felt right.
In the things I fear.
In the way things changed, in just a year.
In the first poems I wrote.
In the first time I could soak up the beach, alone.

This is what I am. This is what made me what- no - who, I am.

*My Soul Resides
I am not
Okay.
I am not
Dead.
I am not alone,
For the Man you hate,
Is my friend.
You think you are great,
You think you are grand,
When the fact of the matter
Is I never want to see you again.
I took persistent breaths
And waited until your car left
To throw myself onto my bed
And let all the thoughts flow to my head

Do you know what you've done?
Made my lips walk, when my heart wanted to run?
I feel somewhat old, to be acting so young,
As if I'm a child finding a new love

Dear Sir, oh, what you've done to me
Opened my soul and let me breathe
Awakened my mind and let me see
How great being a good little pet could be.

Just know that only your looks make me blush
And only your hands can cause this rush.
Connection is the key to the squirming I do
My hope is you know it only happens with you..
Playing with pawns within my head
Didn't you say you liked my game?
Make the first move, go ahead.
You don't really know the rules
But, you wouldn't win anyways.

Welcome to the arena.
Do you think you stand a chance?
You'll still be loading your gun
Whilst I do a victory dance.

You asked for this
This lack of affection
Connected to your *******
And here it is

You assumed I'd be your pawn
When in fact you are mine.
How could I turn down
A man so fine.

Hopefully you don't fall for me,
Because you've already decided
What I was to you.
And I lost all respect.
I am
A pessimist.
I never hope
For the best.
My goals are low
As are my dreams
All broken
Before they started
Like the nonexistent
You and me.
Hair splitting,
Nail chipping,
Anemic and
Hungry for your affection.

Why do I do this to myself?
Why must I be addicted to the agony you inflict?
I just want a cure.
An antidote to your poison.

I've tried to forget you.
The farther I stray, the more unstable I become.
I've tried to replace you.
But my knight in shining armor hasn't come.

I'll write forever of my pain,
Things you will never read,
Things you have never read.
I don't even cross your mind.

Still,
With more and more pain,
I cannot let you go.
I cannot give up.
I'm stuck.
Wow. I finally write, and it's more sad crap.
A night terror brought to life.

I fade into a room
Black
I hear the footsteps
Loud
I feel my skin
Naked

The door is yanked and left agape
I'm blinded by the light
He grabs me and I know there is no escape.

Suddenly he's in me, and I'm left voiceless
He says to open my eyes and I protest
A hard pound into my *** and a smack later
My eyes are open staring into a mirror

I look away and am yanked back
Forced to watch myself be treated like meat
He pounds away, a disgusting rhythm
As tear roll down my face, in defeat

Once he's finished he drops me to the floor
I sit like I'm supposed to,
Sitting on my knees, bowed and waiting for more.

He's back and I'm up in his arms
Holding my mine at my sides he whispers and nibbles at my shoulder
Telling me I'm his, that I'm so strong.
I fight to get away, he's so wrong.

He says he's sick of these games and straightens my face
Forces me to stare at my naked, bruised body
In the mirror that I can't take
I cry, and I cry

"Your mine"
A quick slap to the *** and I'm dropped again, to the floor.
Please note that this was a NIGHTMARE so it is not the exact real life account of what happened. Some parts are metaphors of how I was feeling at this time in my life. Thank you for reading.
That's what it's about
With BPD
The risks you take
And stupidity

The anxiety,
And unwelcome mentality
That's what it's about
With BPD

Three shots of whiskey
And a glass of wine
Throw back a couple pills
I'm sure I'll be fine.

That's what it's about
With BPD
The risks, stupidity,
And anxiety.
The way they talk about her freckles and rosé skin.
Wondering who messed up her head, who wore her so thin.
Who was it?
Who had been?
She's not been herself since then.
A sickness I can't fight,
A virus that's no bark, just bite.
I'm sad.  
I'm alone.
I'm afraid and feel forgotten.
Is that what I am destined to be without you?
Just a sad girl tripping down the road of her own life?
Being physically ill from depression,
Feeling the new aches travel,
From my soul, to my vessel.
I hurt.
I cry.
I'm afraid and feel forgotten.
Sad crap that cannot be helped. Sorry for being.
serein (n.) (french) the fine, light rain that falls from a clear sky at
sunset or in the early hours of the night; evening serenity

What I needed most after a long day
Was a calming kiss or a careful goodnight.
But being alone won this round
Not that I even put up a fight.
So I'm accompanied and comforted
By the pitter-patter on my windows at night.
Serein
I've ******,
My friends make love

What about me
Attracts boys
Who only ****?

I've never made love.
Is it just bad luck?

What about me
Attracts boys
Who don't love?

I just want to have
A natural relationship
Not a business deal,
Where I'd use my body,
To buy love that isn't quite real.

Just someone care.
Just someone see.
I am not just a piece of meat.
I need warm arms around me,
And words so sweet.

Where are you
Boy,
Who can stand loving me?
I still take a ***
Every now and again
......
More like whenever
I possibly can.

Anxiety is up
Depression in such a down
I am such a joke,
Circling around and around.

Nicotine
You little fiend
You calm me down,
And rot my teeth
I know I regret it,
But every time we meet,
The twitches stop
And my mind stops it's rot

I'll still take a ***
Every now and again
I'll smoke them slow
I'll smoke them fast
Until my body is smoke and ash.
solivagant (adj.) (english) wandering alone

Solivagant Traveler

Lost in a desert where affection is the water
I can't decide if its's been months, or maybe longer,
Since I laid my eyes upon you,
Or the mirage I perceived you to be.
As if you were a cactus who's affection is guarded,
by skin too sharp, and thick to bleed.
Sitting in this plateau surrounded by drier things,
dead plants and dusty bones.
A solivagant traveler is what I'll be.
Something keeps me here.
Something ties me down.
Something allows this.
Something tells me it's okay.

You keep me here.
You tie me down.
You allow this.
You tell me it's okay

They tell me to run.
They tell me to escape.
They tell me to say no.
They tell me it's wrong.

I want to be here.
I want to stay.
I want to say yes.
I want it to be okay.

But it wouldn't hurt,
If it was,
Would it?
My face,
Sore.
My lips,
Warm.

The wrinkles
Will come
If I continue seeing
you because
All you make me do
Is smile.

You held my hand,
Called me your darling,
And planted your lips
On mine.

I'm not sure what changed
But babe,
We're in our prime

I don't know what I want,
I don't know what I am,
No wonder I don't care.
I really don't know if this is something I should share.

I lost my mind a long time ago.
Some where along the line.
Forgetting how old I am.
Forgetting what day it is.
Maybe something is wrong with me.

How dare I talk of love,
When I've destroyed the very meaning?
Maybe I really don't have feelings.
I'm not honest.
I'm not trustworthy.
I'm not sweet,
Or kind,
Or nice,
Or loving.
I don't know how you could even stand me.

It's not like I hurt people on purpose,
Though I usually want to.
It's not that I want to be lonely,
But I'd see life much clearer.

What am I even doing?
Wasting my time writing this,
So a few people I know skim it?
I want criticism.
I want critique.
I want to be told I'm an absolute terrible person,
But entirely unique.

I'm so static.
What a 76 minute study hall does to my emotions.
The bags under my eyes
And the weight on my lids
Tell stories about the years I've lived.

How many sleepless nights,
How many times my tear ducts ran dry.
Chilled lips, from incredibly cold sighs.

I've always found it interesting
How with every story,
It's the exact same ending.

With me not being worth anyone's time.
I remember when I would cry
Thinking of my life.
How I wouldn't make it
To sixteen.
How I'd more than likely
Die.

Now I'm almost there
Only five months
To go.
How have I survived?
How has "god" let
The devil roam?

Maybe I'm just as nonexistent
As he.
What I wish I had said, 
When it would have meant the most.
When we were lying there together.
So raw, so close.

If I would have just let my soul speak true, 
I wouldn't feel so terrible, 
Sleeping alone. 
I wanted to tell you,
The missing words in my mouth.
I fought and I fought,
But they just wouldn't come out.

For richer or for poor,
In sickness and in health.
You are the one.
Never anyone else.

I miss you already,
I want you even more.
These feelings are pressing,
Breaking me down to the core.

I love you. 
Oh, I love you, I do.
The missing I love you,
Way past due.
Passion deep and passion true,
My heart, my soul, 
Will be filled with you.
An ode to a girl with the faintest smile,
who could stop me in my tracks even though I try
To keep away from this girl, already taken.
But maybe, for one moment, she'll be mine.
Trauma

Blunt force trauma
a blow to my psyche from your hammer of hands who pounded into my mind making me fear your preconceived ideas of my undying faith to your never ever loving thoughts about my, then, innocence. so many times-

Time

How many times did I trust the snake who hung, from the oh sweet forbidden fruit who's aftertaste bit me every time?
Who's deep rooted poison made me a pile of decaying flash, leaving me with a smell that drew all vultures to my feet.

Vultures

Every ******* one swarmed my flesh, biting, marking me with their jagged teeth that covered the tip of every finger, that kept the skin bloodied and bright red for identification.

ID

The ID of the body I see in the mirror, Jane Doe to myself, and target to the man who mangled my soul even more that it's vessel. Who's voice rattled my bones and hands cracked the chest casing under my already blue and pruple skin he kissed with his knuckles just-
Just enough.

Enough

Enough of me he became and the red of my skin was no longer his favorite and I longed for my red to change hue and I checked its tone when I dipped into the rivers beneath my skin and all I did was make myself a prisoner to the body I painted different ****** shades to make him want me.

But my red turned fall and I was no longer a color he could see, but a place he had never been and my characteristics were as mysterious as the reasons I thought I deserved red.

Red

Blunt Force Trauma
slam poem
Half empty
Half full
Half dirt
Half blood
Clean shoes
No mud.

Dreaming of your demise
Your pitifully starved body.
You begging for your life,
How funny.

You took mine,
I take yours.
Eye for an eye.
Sores for sores.
I like these new dreams...
How empty I've become.
Not happy,
Not sad.
Just blank and deserted.
I am
f
   l
      o
          a
              t
                  i
                      n
                          g
through life.
No meaning,
No thoughts.
A rare goal,
Maybe.

Look how empty I have become.
Even though we no longer speak
Your expectations are what I try to meet.

I hope you like my long hair,
Even though I want it cut.
I sometimes see you stare.
I want to kiss you but,
The bad times were too many.
The consequences could be
Deadly.

Oh my boy,
I miss you.
I miss you smirking at me.
****, I miss you looking at me,
And not looking sad.
I miss when you would play mad,
Just to see my pouty face,
When you would kiss me with force,
Just to put me in my place.

Oh my boy,
I miss you.
And your
Smirking,
Sweet
face.
What a hard habit to break..
Spending your cash 

Buying trends that will pass

S i g h

Is it long enough

To cover your hips and thighs?

W h y

Must my body be riddled with purple lines?

Stripes like the prisoner

C r i m e
"Tell me the story about how the sun loved the moon so much, that he died every night to let her breathe."

How interesting that story is.
Though I don't really know
If the plot Is realistic enough
To pertain to my
Plain life.

But I can tell you a tale
Of a damsel in distress
Waking up groggy
Looking for her dress.
Glancing at her greasy hair
In a mirror that had a tendency to stare.

A story of a girl who died everyday
Waiting for a kiss to bring her alive.
A kiss that happened a few times and some
But she'd still go home and cry
When she would again, feel numb.

She doesn't remember a time
When she wasn't a piece of meat.
A time when she could talk to a guy
And not expect it to end in
Who will go down when they meet.

She is so used and doesn't have the strength
To say no anymore, or make them wait.
She's waiting now for someone new to come around
And take her breath away.
With big hands and a pair of lips
That kiss her in just that way.
That itch in your arm.
That twitch in your hand.
This time I,
Must take a stand.

I will not be controlled by a small blade.
I will not be pushed around by hollowed out shame.
**** that stained steel.
That malicious little fiend.
All he wants is the blood,
But release is what I need.

How comforting it is,
To feel the pain go.
To watch all my worries spill out.
The memories of this,
Etched on my vessel,
I just couldn't live without.

They start to fade,
I feel the need.
To make a brand new friend.
For weeks it will heal,
Months it will fade,
And then the whole process again.
I am in a black abyss
Lined with the entrails of my victims
Dripping from my mouth
A mix of crimson and *****
What have I become?
Take 12
6 more
What will a couple more do?
Up to 25 
Where am I now?
Bliss
Sweet bliss
Sweet bliss dripping from my lips
Sweet bliss scarred on my hips 
A night of pain leading up to this
I love you, I do
Didn't you say you loved me too?
Come kiss me my love.
Come kiss this black abyss
Come lick the crimson off my lips.
Am I a girl?
A boy?
Am I a lover?
A toy?

What am I?

A *****?
A ****?
A disturbed girl but,
Stitched together with good intentions.

I wanted to love,
I wanted to die.
I wanted to be truthful.
To you, I couldn't lie.
I tried,
Oh I tried,
But I'm still a disturbed girl inside.
Beautifully
             Insecure
Freely
             Bound
Confidently
               Invisible
Positively
               Negative
Lovingly
                Hated
Unbreakably
                  Broken

Every piece of me you think you've figured out,
I'll show you how it should look.

Not extended, edited, or pondered about.
Just a character in a book.
Another cigarette gone.
Right down to the filter.
My pain now is strong,
Are you wanting to **** her?

That girl you love,
And said you'd never abandon.
That's what this is.
That's what you've done.
I'm alone.
I'm abandoned.
You've lost my trust
and killed my love.

A carton down,
Am I trying to die?
I'm going to have a smokers cough.
For the rest of my life.
I'm nauseous,
I hate,
I'm abandoned.
And you're to blame.

I miss you
I love you
I want to know you're here.
But you're gone
You've left
And I'm stuck drowning in my tears.
David, where are you?
You had me watching your mouth verbatim.
The way your lips formed the words I could hardly focus on,
because the corners of your mouth curled in a way I haven't yet seen.
Our adventitious exchanges were works of art,
painted by filthy minds,and fueled by my own flushed face.

murmurer à moi, mon cher

I'm taken aback by your quips,
and how easily they make me want you.
I'd be lying if I said that you saying my name
didn't make me think evocatively,
    of what would happen, were we ever alone.

*murmurer à moi, mon cher
What are you going to do,
When you become the wicked?
The sick.
The twisted.
When you can't manipulate your little girls?
When I get sick of this unrewarding lifestyle,
Living for your word?
What are you going to do,
When you become the wicked?

What are you going to do,
When you lose me?
What girl would still take you?
After all,
All you do is compare her to me.

The wicked,
That's you.
The submissive,
That's me.

I'm all you've looked for,
I'm the kind of *** you need.
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