I was born in the summer and love watching the clouds move with the night time breeze
I am the youngest of four girls and when I was 13 my older sister left my eyebrows over tweezed
It was the night of my 8th grade dance and when I looked in the mirror she saw me freeze
13 years later and I laugh about how I was afraid I’d get teased

My favorite colors have always been red and green but over the years the shades of each color have risen or fallen in coolness and warmth
I have always tried to guess which direction I’m standing in with my internal compass, I always bet I’m facing north
I am learning to not run from my feelings of unrest but instead rush forth

I love when it’s snowed all day and the clouds finally pass and the moon illuminates the fields around me as I'm driven around fast
I'm in love with the idea of moving forward yet somedays I can feel the shattered somethings haunting me from my past

I love Marilyn Monroe
I love Lana Del Rey and Tina Snow
these women who have come before me, have similar scars to me that they aren't afraid to show
I love the feeling of being known
I love feeling as if I'm finally taking my rightful throne
I love this room my mind created everything hand etched and carved of marble stone

The curls in my hair sometimes come out to say hello
I've always wanted to learn how to make choux pastry dough
I love walking, anywhere and everywhere, it reminds me to take things slow

I like pickled radish
and the water of the bay that is brackish
I love when someone says "you're going to love it, try this"

I regret anytime I allowed someone to challenge the beauty and fire I hold in my eyes
and how I wonder why in the first place I even allowed them to try
I allowed them to convince me the strands of my hair didn't shine with such beauty it made the moon cry
I allowed them to drown out my colors with cheap black box dye
and tell me "I've never seen that before" as they point at my full and curvaceous thigh

I buried myself in the deepest dirt and hibernated
while everyone else above celebrated
how being away from me means they successfully evacuated
Their plan was beautifully and tragically orchestrated

I slept and I slept
through every season and even after all the leaves had been swept
I tried to hold onto anything that made me forget why everyone left
Then one day the sun made it's way down and through all the cracks and crevices, it crept
it crept til it woke me up from this comatose dormancy
"how long have I slept?'
the sun said "long enough"
and I wept

but as I wept the sun lifts my head and looks into my eyes
"you are whole and alive, These eyes have yet to see the wonders where my light shines, will you look up at the sky?" and as I look I see clouds the color of the painting above the floor in Versailles, I see every time I felt alive, I see every time I showed mercy and how many low spirits I was able to raise and revive. I see every time my presence has lovingly and unknowingly given someone the strength to survive.

"In time you will see how your depth and beauty goes farther than the bottom of the sea, you will hear my hello from every leaf and every tree and when the ground tickles your feet, be still and know I am with you and will never leave. You are who you are and I couldn't be more pleased, you are the same girl who at nine fell of her bike and scraped her knee, you are the same girl who at thirteen got her eyebrows over tweezed, I promise your garden will grow once you plant your seeds."

For a moment I couldn't breathe
I was in awe of the way the sun could see me
and how even though he sees everything from all sides he still felt this way, how could this be?

"Because you have fiery embers that glow within you, your flavor is more complex than the finest coffee maker could ever brew. Your presence is favorable, please stop allowing your point of view to get skewed."

I stare at my hands and remember how they looked when I was little and how I dreamt of a life where I'd smile so much you'd see my dimple, one where every day I'd be drenched in crystals, and maybe at this point I would have finally learned how to whistle... I haven't mastered the art of it yet, for me it's not that simple. But little me would be happy to know that now when she sings she sounds hymnal.

Little me would love to know that a beautiful cobalt blue journal bought by a friend would begin the journey of a love affair between me, some paper, and a pen.
Little me would stare at the thousands of words I've written about the deep feelings brought on by men
wounds from my father and boys I loved back then
she would walk up to me and she'd be so short I'd be able to rest my hands on her head
she'd squeeze me tight and sigh before saying "I love that we never leave anything unsaid."

And she's right
I have poured my heart out in the depths of the night
to the people with who I wanted to give a final goodbye
I know the rule of ignoring my heart is one I will always defy
This declaration of claiming my life back is one I will amplify

I have spoken my truth terrified even after drinking up all the courage I could liquify  
and albeit terrified I know I'm one of the lucky few who will stand up and speak first of how things are unjustified

I will stand and put my finger in the face of any angry man who tries belittling a woman and tearing her down as much as he can
I will fly over to shield her with my 7 foot wingspan
and put a stop to all of this before it even began

I will dance in the aisle at the grocery store and not care because they are playing a song I adore
I will sing with the fervor of a thousand voices and belt it from my very core
I will drench everything in love for when it rains it pours

Hi, my name is everything I have been and ever will be
my name is the first flight of every butterfly and every bee
my name is the feeling of when the person you love gets down on one knee
my name is the way a new born baby breathes

my name is the way flowers bloom
my name is the way you stand back and smile after you've just painted your very first room
my name is the way you feel when the fireworks on fourth of July go boom
my name is the way you felt when you were a kid wearing your favorite Halloween costume

my name is the way you feel when you've styled your hair just right
my name is the way you feel when it's the first time they ask you to spend the night
my name is the way you feel when your best friend hugs you tight

my name is the way you feel when you're happy and you've had just enough to drink
my name is the way you feel when the sky is that perfect shade of orange and pink
my name is the way you feel when you finally know what to say after having some time to think

my name is my own
and when I get older I'm going to buy a horse that's a blue roan
and ride her for miles
for I used to be out on that lonely road
and my soul will forever want to roam
and as I look at her mane to comb
it's full of beautifully ornate braids with flowers sewn
I look at her and see myself and I say
"You're finally home."

Always message me if you ever need anything, advice, a friend, someone to rant to, anything at all, please message me!!
I've been through a lot of stuff so I'll be able to help you with a lot of stuff.
I will usually answer very quickly, within a few minutes.
I love all of you, even if I've never met you or read your poems <3

When you think about it:
We spend the majority of our lives
Behind closed doors.
Whether it is in the privacy of our homes,
Or in our offices, schools, or church.
Most of what we do is hidden from the world.
And you never really think about what
Other people might be dealing with,
But a simple word could have them in tears.
We don't take the time to ask about
Their scars or any defining aspects of their life.
We live in a world of small talk,
And artificial friendships.
Talk to a veteran. Understand.
Find people that you have known for years,
But never truly got to know them.
Many of us don't know each other's full name,
Let alone what takes place in their household,
Or what their financial situation is,
Or why they stopped texting you back.
In reality we assume that we grew apart from them,
Or that they are mad at us; melodramatic.
But their phone service got cancelled because they
Couldn't make the payments,
Or their house got foreclosed and they're embarrassed
To talk about it.
If we consider ourselves to be their friend,
Then we should be there for them in every situation.
Be personable with everyone,
Forgive people who do wrong to you,
Love people; not just some people,
Love everyone.
We spend to much time and energy
Hating people and things.
How many times a day do you say,
"I hate"? And how many times a day
Do you say, "I love"?
That is what is wrong with people today.
Don't forget to pray
To keep it away
Keep the hate away,
Love everyone.
Inhale the future,
Exhale the past.
And pray.

My greatest condolences to the woman who loves me.

My body fears your love of me and constantly repeats the mantra of you leaving but you seem to stand even closer when I break. You tell me every time you aren't going anywhere but the pure unfamiliarity is because you, are the single thing I have ever loved, and never hated.

My greatest condolences, because I'm hard to love.

Your hands graze the body that I live in that I refuse to own. I imagine them painting my soul, covering the black holes with the colors of fall. You tell me you love every inch and I wonder about the centimeters. I take your kiss like a pill used to subside the symptoms of his neglect.

My greatest condolences, because I never believe you at first.

People are not medicine but your face helps me sleep more than ambien ever did and no, your are not going to cure me but I will survive. I do not need a cure, I need management. I take you every night before bed and wake up thinking about your arms caressing my side, yes, I said MY side. I'll admit that this body is my own as long as you're touching it, as long as your hands are soft on my skin.

My greatest condolences because you are the prescription that cannot skip

Looking into your eyes at 5 am wondering how we made it through the night.
But looking into your eyes has given me the answer.

i love you

     cant you see that.

    i love.
    your body
             your mind
                       your soul
   your everything