The warm rays of the sun on my back

The soft wet grass underneath my feet

Soft clouds glide across the sky above

The birds chirping morning melodies

Everything perfect

Close your eyes and open them

Welcome back to the real world

The cold rain pouring on my back

The muddy debris filled grass no one steps in

The overly polluted sky

The cawing crows

Reality really bites

I lifted my head

From my hospital bed

To find an IV

And some meds




"Am I dead"

I say aloud

"No,

Not yet"




A scary grin on his face

And eyes that lust for my death

He takes a step in my direction

With a knife in his left




"So long my good friend"

He says

With a creepy grin

Just moments

Before my very ****** death

He was lost

On the sea

Of exhaust




He was tossed

From his own mind

Because of his home life




He thought

He would never be found

After all, It was his fault




Until someone talked

Telling him how to heal his wound

He was shocked




Because someone knocked

And found

A lost child

Under the sky of twinkling stars

I lay

Wondering what went wrong

Why did you hurt me

You crushed my dreams

Left me with nothing

But PTSD




You became the king

I became the grunt

The monster came out

When you were drunk




You cursed

You struck

You drank

You bought




I blocked it out

For so long

Until it came back to me

Destroying me

Leaving me in shambles




I wish I could turn back time

Change the past

Make everything alright

But I can't




I can never change what you did

You try to make it up to me

But we both know you can't

Now I'm always paranoid

Always clingy

Afraid people will leave me

Thanks for everything

Raise a loaded gun to my head
Arms turn to lead
Laugh loud, eyes widen crazily
Dig the barrel into the side of my head hysterically

Sweat sticks to the palms
My finger inches toward the trigger
The cold dark metal cools my racing thoughts
I remember the taste of maple syrup for some reason as I pull closer to the trigger

Leave the sleepy bedroom scene in front of me,
behind me as I close my eyes
Take a cracked breath
Pull the trigger

My mind screamed with each wave,
Each crash.
A verse slams into me.
Witness it's words turn to thought.
An unwavering battle to think
Straight.

Meaningless noise finds my ears
swimming words
Images flying
Eyes crying
I hold tight to my wrists
Clutch my head
My ears too
Let my voice whisper
"Stop, please."
As the thoughts and memories
Travel into my mind
They double down
Scream them away in my head
People watch
As my eyes go wide, and my head spins
Cover my eyes
As the tears fall one by one
Such dutiful soldiers
People advert they're eyes, in respect
and I fall apart