Paige McCulley
6 days ago

Heart pounds
Hands shake

Getting dizzy
Need a break

Anxiety falls like rain down on me
I really hope that no one sees

How small, how scared
How scared, how small

I'm really struggling with it all

I tell you bout my trips and everything I’ve seen
about my laughter and what I’ve learned but
I’m afraid to tell you that I feel like I’m losing myself again
that stopping my medication was the wrong decision
like I am trapped in this opportunity, can't get out and can't go home
I don't tell you about being filled with regret
that my flashbacks hurt more than I expected
That I lost my safe place and I feel abandoned

You dig yoga today and I travelled some more
I laughed a little, and took a nap
you're seeing your friend tomorrow
I know what you are doing
but how are you doing

Mar 13

There are days
that I have
where I don't
want to face,
or doing,
or running
the race.
I just want
to lay here,
head lost
in space,
but reality
comes laughing
reminding me
there's no escape,
so I tell myself
get up,
start moving,
you're being
such a waste.

~ today is one of those days.
#sad   #life   #reality   #struggling  
Feb 28

I love you so much,
you never miss my cues.
I'm always here waiting,
watching all that you do.
I make sure you're perfect,
not whiny or shrewd.
I'm always in your head,
controlling what you chew.
I won't leave your side,
we are stuck like glue.
I've been your best friend,
since the time you were two.
I love watching you move,
it's quite a beautiful view,
but if you make a mistake,
I'll beat you black and blue.

We met at the bar
No, I was way too young
We met at school
No, you were way too old
We met at 7/11
No, you wouldn’t have stayed and talked to me
We met taking a cigarette break outside the 7/11
No, you would smoke in your car
We met at a bar I was too young to be in
No, I didn’t go out like that when I was young
We met at the library
No, you don’t read
We met at the grocery store
No, you live a town away from me
We met at the Christmas concert
No, you hate organized functions
We met at Barnes and Noble
No, you still don’t read
We met at an underground music show
No, I wasn’t that cool
We met at the park
Maybe, but why were you at a park?
We met at a family party
No, it was a secret from them all alone
We met at an alumni thing
No, I wasn’t an alumni yet

Rewriting our history
To make art
Seems a little too much
Like lying

And fiction never
Really was
My thing.

The unexplainable, bubbling sensation,
Of staring at a blank doc searching.
They call it young writer’s frustration
But it call it creativity yearning,
For answers that can’t be found.
The longer I look the harder it gets.
Isn’t it profound,
The more I see the more I forget.
That I’m a writer with skill,
With the pen as my powerful weapon.
Yet I lack the will,
To get the last two lines of this poem done.

Rest in piece last lines that never got written
Dec 7, 2016

Snowflakes fall to the earth like suicide jumpers.
And I laugh because if I don't I have to listen to the silence.
Or worse.
And I laugh because I don't want to hear myself crying.

Waiting for icicles to form, and splinter, and crack under their own weight --
These are the games that plague souls;
Wishing away the snow with feet planted in blizzards,
Staring at the moon and trying to bathe in the last dripping morsels of sunlight shining onto the earth.

I lay buried so far beneath laughter and snowflakes that I am too cold to touch.
Touch me and scatter the blisters on my tongue,
For words are only dipped in honey, but it cannot hide the hollows inside.

And here I am, like a snowflake.

Tasman Suitor
Tasman Suitor
Nov 17, 2016

Here it is.
My downward flight,
Printed clearly in black and white.
Numbers falling
Clear to see

But behind it is the death of me.

Yet there is also
A hopeful bounce,
Signs of a demon trounced.
Numbers climbing
Clear to see

The story that is making me.

Jaden Thomas Wolfe
Jaden Thomas Wolfe
Oct 19, 2016

Effort has been drained from me effortlessly
Each day goes by with further disdain for myself
I sit in my ship and let the bugs eat me alive
Who can help me?

I've burned bridges
I've poisoned myself
I've sailed away
And now I'm on this island, dying.

Who can help me?
I don't live without fear anymore
There is no certainty
Who can help me?

I'm scared to progress
I hold myself back
I abuse my body
In hopes to go back

Who can help me?
Who can help me?
I only fear death when I stare it in the eye.
Who can help me?

I want to go back
To the time where I could live
But I feel this rope tighten
Can I make it back? I'm not positive.

Who can help me?
Who can help me?
Who can help me?
Who can help me?

When I can't help myself

#fear   #depression   #death   #anxiety   #help   #sos   #sail   #struggling   #rope   #ships  
Ouli Thiaw
Jun 5, 2014

My life is so dull like a wide flat floor receiving all the step than it can bear
No motion no flow, everything is quiet
Just like a silent night, nothing beats

There is no wave in my ocean
Nothing is moving
Sometimes I wonder if my train is on track
If my wind is blowing
If my waves are floating
There is a mask of clouds in my sky

Where am I heading at? What is this place?
My mind is traped in a deep dark hole
Walking towards the unknown, fear is my only companion
I am running like a breathless runner
Trying to find a way out of this cold world

I wish things were crystal clear
I wish I could figure things out and see clearly through these shades before my eyes

I want to feel my feet on the ground
I want to hear my step as I walk through the gate
The gate of glory and happiness wide open in front of me
Waiting only for me to pass

I am a beginner who wants to express my feelings through this. It is actually my second "poem"
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